SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > SAUK Community > Club 30-81
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 10th April 2021, 22:07
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

I wonder if this is an age-related thing or not? I've never been good in situations where I am left to my own devices to try and make new friends. Now as we start to come out of lockdown I really look forward to simple things like catching up with existing friends for a coffee or a few of us getting together for a pub meal and a drink. But I just have very little desire to meet new people and try to persuade them to want to be my friends. Since circumstances change, is this a risky strategy or a sensible short-term way to cope with the anxiety of adjusting to whatever the new normal is?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10th May 2021, 04:10
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Have had two opportunities which I took to see people I already knew and both went well, lasting for two hours each. Call me boring but it seems like I really do just want to have a coffee or tea and a chat. At one of the coffee meets there was someone I barely knew I didn't ignore them I just felt I had no clue how to go about the process of getting to know them better.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10th May 2021, 06:47
biscuits biscuits is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in the tin.
Posts: 762
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Aww that is nice that your meet ups with people went well :D

It would be grand to be able to skip that initial awkward part and get to the bit where you can chat freely, wouldn't it hehe. Hopefully if they turn up regularly to your meets then you'll have more opportunities to get to know them and find convo topics.

In response to your initial question...It's lovely that you have some regular friends, and it's always a good thing to be open to the idea of making new ones because it means new experiences/points of view etc. People understandably have slightly different levels of comfort and safety in social situations at the moment based on their personal circumstances.

Also having coffee and/or tea or squash with people = the best.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10th May 2021, 07:57
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Thanks biscuits and that is a very fair point - I totally understand those who still just want to meet with their immediate bubble or family only. Although it's been nice doing a couple of things, and I will feel even better after the second jab, I know there's always a chance of new mutations or other setbacks, so am on board with the idea that we are in for a marathon and not a sprint. I tend not to be exposed so much to new points of view - most people I know are on disability benefits and more to the left politically, and I am the same, it would be good to see the other side (I do get a counterpoint from YouTube videos by Marty Nemko who is a careers advisor but also gives general life advice) and also to know a little more about the other cultures in my neighbourhood.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10th May 2021, 10:03
Moksha Moksha is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Essex
Posts: 3,350
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Weirdly, I'm the opposite. I don't want to meet old friends, and have in fact tried to ditch people from my past. The just bring back bad memories. I wouldn't go to a school reunion, or meet for a drink with someone I grew up near, if you paid me £500. It's not that they were horrible people, more that they dredge up horrible feelings from my adolescence and twenties. Also, they make me feel like a failure. It's too late now, but my dream was always to leave this town and start again somewhere where no one knew me.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10th May 2021, 16:59
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

I'm not much of a one for fresh starts as it literally can take me a few years to feel someone is my friend. In some ways I think it might be nice to make one more move to a ground floor flat (in case I became infirm when older) somewhere beside the sea. However I do like being in the city because of how close it is for my health appointments, so really it makes sense to stay here as long as I can and just go the occasional off-peak day trip to the sea. Even just the pain that it would be to have to pay to get appliances disconnected, moved and reconnected and also to get furniture moved would be a barrier for me. Of course, if the neighbour from hell moves in, all bets are off, but touch wood it's been good so far. Feels like location is less important than when I was younger because I could be anywhere and still access new arthouse films on Curzon Home Cinema, get any book from Amazon so don't need to be near a big bookshop, can get internet radio from all over the world. Some people get revived by moving frequently and I am sure their lives are more exciting, but if it's possible I'd like to stay as long as possible here. People from my past in terms of people from my 20s that weren't up to date with my health situation I would feel embarrassed to meet now.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10th May 2021, 19:43
Pine Pine is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 34
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

I hate making friends esp in the last 2 years, unless I don't tell them much about myself. I think there's better ways of having proper boundaries. I'm starting to come back to that. Like metering out myself more gradually. I also blame many choices in friendships on siding with emotion, but today I learned there is more to it. Sometimes there may be automatic or learned reactions from trauma and such. Learned behaviours that are intertwined with emotion, such as being put into parenting roles as a child.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11th May 2021, 22:22
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Outside of support groups, I would struggle to explain my bipolar and not working for so long in a way that would make anyone think "sounds such a cool guy, I'll definitely be adding him to my phone book of friends!". People in support groups or at a supportive place (wellbeing centre) who have come to be OK with me have tended to have experienced a difficulty either personally or in their family, which has made them more understanding, or I've just been lucky and they have been more inclusive people. I do think it's a good point that we don't owe strangers an explanation about everything in our lives, but I feel it would be phony to say something like "I'm not working at the moment" when I haven't worked or functioned well in a long time, and need a few support worker hours each week to function at all.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 16th May 2021, 09:03
6941 6941 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 22
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Weirdly I recently had 2 old friends from the past message me from out the blue, which I assumed was a friendly olive branch, both abruptly stopped after a couple of messages, with mine being the last reply. I started thinking what have I said wrong (which I must've as its happened twice) why am I always the conversation killer but decided its not worth stressing about. I will never know, I just don't get why they even contacted me.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 25th May 2021, 10:06
NFL_fan NFL_fan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 70
Default Re: Really want to see old friends again but little desire to make new ones?

Ah that's a shame 6941. No idea what their angle was, maybe they were just stuck indoors and bored but then couldn't think of much more to write after their initial contacts. I wouldn't spend too much time ruminating over why they stopped contacting, as you say it's not worth stressing over.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 03:37.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.