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10th March 2021, 09:59
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ Thank you Nanuq x
I was able to phone my mum and she was moaning that she had a soggy egg sandwich for her tea last night so I think she's kind of on the mend, apart from the cancer that won't be going away. We shall try - again - to talk to a Doctor today. Most of the new neighbours that are now moving into our street are Londoners so the place is starting to have a very different feel that I don't much like. I would LOVE to move to the country someday, Nanuq, when my husband isn't tied to his work and my 18 year old is older and settled. My tooth ache has flared up again. I knew the Dentist hadn't given me enough antibiotics to get rid of the infection 
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10th March 2021, 12:47
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
I'm glad you got to speak to your mum Consolida
 As frustrating as it is not being able to talk to a doctor it may also be a good sign, if they were worried they would be ringing. Not much consolation I know when you desperately want to know/ are worrying about what's happening.
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10th March 2021, 23:08
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
@ Nanuq - I hope your chest infection doesn't come back
 I was only given 3 days worth of antibiotics for my tooth which I don't think was nearly long enough and now the pain is back worst than ever. I'm not a Doctor or Scientist but surely giving too short a course is how bacterial infections become resistant to treatment? @ NLH - Yes, it's the thought of the neighbours moving forward with their lives that in all honesty saddens me more than the loss of good neighbours. These neighbours were much older (about 70) so maybe for me, this time, it was just another reminder about the march of time and of life passing too quickly by. However, I remember experiencing what you describe in the past like when I observed a young couple and their baby moving out of the flat opposite mine. I felt this huge pang of sadness that I can't quite describe as their car disappeared for one last time around the bend of the road. I mean, I actually shed some tears which was totally bizarre considering I had never spoken to this couple and knew nothing about them. I think it was just that their progression shone such an unforgiving light on my own empty and static existence. There's nothing more depressing than watching other people carrying on with their lives on the other side of the window. @ Mo - Thank you  Well, I'm feeling temporarily relieved tonight. My mum was discharged from the Hospital but she is very frail and I couldn't relax until I knew she was safely tucked up in her own bed. It's frightening how quickly an elderly parent can go from being quite independent to very likely requiring permanent care and help. It's looking increasingly likely that the Chemotherapy nearly killed her last week so the only option now is looking like palliative care. I'm so glad to have my mum back but for how long for I don't know 
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11th March 2021, 09:49
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
That is so well put, Consolida! I totally get what you and NLH mean. The 'unforgiving light on my own empty and static existence' absolutely resonates with me. I really struggle with similar horrible feelings and consequently (or maybe it's because) I suffer a lot more from a kind of agitated depression these days, which is also seriously affecting my sleep.
Btw, so glad your mum is home. I lost my dad last year. He died in hospital and I couldn't visit him because of the Covid restrictions. It was terrible!
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11th March 2021, 16:58
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
@Consolida I'm pleased to hear that your mother is back at home, it sounds like it's the best place for her. At least her family can be around her and she can have a better quality of life. Thinking of you and your family.
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11th March 2021, 19:07
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ aww that is such good news
. Hope you do something a little bit nice to celebrate.@Consolida how lovely for your Mum to be back home, it must be a huge comfort for her to be able to be back in her familiar surroundings.
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11th March 2021, 19:49
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
That's great news Nanuq. Van plan back on?
Consolida - that is good your mum is back home. I know what you mean about watching life through a window. Perhaps my real life is behind a pane of glass, and it gets thicker over time, and you have to smash really hard to get into it.
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13th March 2021, 09:17
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
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Last edited by Unseenpoet; 16th March 2021 at 12:50. Reason: Don't wish to post
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14th March 2021, 22:17
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
aw sorry you're feeling that way Percy. I've been finding YouTube drawing tutorials to be a really helpful and calming distraction. Well, don't pick a complicated one because they're not calming at all hehe.
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14th March 2021, 22:18
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Crummy and bummy.
Also my ear is playing up. It's a worry because that eardrum has perforated in the past :/. Luckily the doctors have an online service, so I've requested an appointment tomorrow. There's not much they can do for ear problems as it's not something they give you antibiotics for, but thought it's best to get it checked out as it's not getting better. eee it's so uncomfortable.
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14th March 2021, 22:21
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Quote:
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14th March 2021, 22:23
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Quote:
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14th March 2021, 22:46
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Percy, I'm glad you've found a distraction. I hope you feel better soon.
Biscuits, I used to get ear infections a lot when I was younger. I hope you feel better soon, and that you get an appointment tomorrow.
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14th March 2021, 22:56
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Thank you, both. I'll be fine it's just really uncomfortable and un-switch-off-able from, especially in bed. Luckily the doctors here are really good and they'll give me a call tomorrow and see me that day if they need to.
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15th March 2021, 00:26
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Heartbroken.
If it was possible to end things without hurting my beloved husband and son then that is what I would do. There's really no light at the end of the tunnel. My adoptive mum has terminal cancer so that's never going to end well. The thought of seeing her gradually deteriorate before my eyes in the same way that my poor dad did 30 years before I don't feel that I'm strong enough to bare Also I've finally severed contact with my birth siblings as I was starting to lose what little self respect I had left. Despite my half brother's nice words on the phone it was clear by his slow responses to my messages that he wasn't genuinely interested in me. None of my siblings were. Thanks to our evil birth mother I was damaged goods and merely served as a reminder of bad beginnings and childhoods. In his own words my half brother said that I was not an abandoned child but a grown woman and that I needed to stop looking back at the past but to focus on the future. His ploy to get rid of me worked and I severed ties with him and another lack lustre sibling. However, rather than walking forward with my head held high I feel hurt, rejected and heartbroken. When will the pain stop hurting 
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15th March 2021, 00:40
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^
I'm sorry you have so many painful things to deal with at the moment. Your half siblings responses to you are not your fault at all, people deal with things differently but I don't think it's unusual for someone who was adopted to want to know where they came from and have contact with any birth relatives. It doesn't mean you're stuck in the past at all.
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15th March 2021, 00:57
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ Thank you Dougella and Tembo xx
None of my half siblings were interested in me at all and there were enough of them! They ranged from not at all interested in me (one of their mother's sordid little secrets) to only interested because they felt that they should at least try to make a minimal amount of effort, to wanting me so long as I could help them to find information regarding their origins. I only have the original half sister left now but in many ways she is the most toxic of all although she doesn't mean to be. There's no one I can talk to Tembo, hence me posting this here. Please don't quote!
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15th March 2021, 02:03
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
Consolida, how very sad about your mum.
And you're not damaged goods. Perhaps you've all been hurt and respond differently? I wonder if counselling with someone properly trained in counselling adoptees would be something to consider in the future. That doesn't mean don't talk on here of course.
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15th March 2021, 16:51
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
@ Choirgirl - Thank you for your kind words x
I probably should have had counselling before I started digging around but I'm not sure anything would have prepared me for just how distressing it all was. Everything snowballed. The worst thing is, not a single good thing came out of it. @ Nanuq - The situation with my mum is incredibly stressful and made all the worse because most of the so called medical professionals are useless. The GP who phoned today was totally clueless. He said he's never heard of the type of cancer my mum has. Thanks to the Internet and other sufferers I know pretty much everything so perhaps I should give him a lesson. My husband is my rock and without him I'd be totally lost but it's all very stressful for him too. As well as coping with my emotions he has his own emotions to deal with and a stressful full time job to hold down. We aren't getting any help at all, but I've been looking on the Macmillan website. Maybe I'll give them a call further down the line. Thanks as always for your kind feedback and advice Nanuq xx As for the birth family members, the siblings weren't the slightest bit interested in me and would blank my messages or not pick them up for days. I've never felt so rejected in my life, and that's saying something. A half brother kept blowing hot and cold. He'd be incredibly keen (phoning me twice in a day) but then wouldn't acknowledge my messages for days. He said he wasn't going to 'molly coddle' my worries and anxieties, whatever that meant. I don't know what game he was playing but it was starting to push me over the edge so I told him that I wanted to cease all contact for the sake of my mental health. It wasn't any skin off his nose. He has loads of cousins (my cousins in a different life) who he is extremely close to. How could a half sister that you never even knew existed compete with that! So now there is just a half sister left, but who knows how that will end. She's fallen out with me several times since I've known her so it's only a matter of time before she unfriends me on Facebook again. I was happier as an only child. Anyway end of rant.
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15th March 2021, 18:00
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ Families can be so difficult. Me and my brother grew up in the same house and as far as we know have the same parents but we are so totally different personality wise. He is very much a no nonsense, just get on with it type of person whereas I am much more sensitive. I think if we had not grown up together and only met in adulthood a very similar situation to what you are experiencing would probably be the result. Just because people are related doesn't mean they are going to get on or have things in common, sadly.
I wish the situation had been better or easier for you, especially with everything else you are dealing with
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15th March 2021, 20:01
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Re: How is everyone feeling? (31)
^ Some people are close with their siblings but a surprising number of people aren't and there can be so many resentments left over from childhood. There's almost always someone who's not speaking to someone else because of an argument on both sides of my extended family!
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