New colleague at work very outgoing

Marie8 · #1 10th September 2022, 12:16

A new colleague started at work the other day and she's very outgoing.This is causing me so much anxiety and stress as our job is a shared role and I'll see her every day. My previous colleague and I worked well together, he was quite chatty and easy going and I found him easy to talk to, I got a little anxious some days but my anxiety had been the lowest its been since 2020. I went back to work in Feb 2022 after being on furlough over a year and losing my previous job.

It was horrible at but I was feeling better and actually started enjoying going to work. Then my colleague left in July and the anxiety started increasing again. And since the new colleague started last week its become so bad. She used to be a manager in a previous role and has a lot of experience and IT knowledge which I dont have. When she was shadowing me she was asking why I did this and why I did that and at times I felt like she was training me. I was so nervous having her shadow me and I know I was struggling to explain the processes and probably looked like I didn't know what I was doing. I explained I have dyslexia so I'm not super quick, I felt I should tell her this in case she thought I was slow and lazy but she didn't really say anything and kept reminding me of things and I made a stupid error which she pointed out. I don't normally make mistakes but when I'm anxious it can effect my work and it definitely did last week. She seems to speak her mind as she even said to me that i doesnt seem like ive been doing this job for long even though it's been six months. This really upset me and I just laughed it off I didn't even know what to say to that. I I've been feeling so down and feel like crying all the time the last week. I just feel crap and like I want to quit my job.

Mr. Nobody · #2 10th September 2022, 12:39

Your new colleague sounds as if she is maybe over-qualified for the job?
Could probably just be a temp thing for her before she moves on?
I wouldn't take it personally, she is probably used to being in control more and possibly isn't used to a shared role?

I imagine she won't be there long?

If you haven't had any work problems before this or had any issues from any of your bosses previously,
then I'm sure this will pass.

It is annoying though, when you have to work beside someone who you don't get on with.
Maybe try and view things from her side and see if there's any positives from this,
Maybe you can both learn from each other and help things improve generally,
Sometimes it's difficult to view things from someone else's side,
But it can help to calm our emotional responses down a bit when we see the bigger picture.

Amara 94 · #3 11th September 2022, 00:00

I don't know the solution to this situation but I do know that everyone has there weaknesses.

Maybe acknowledge that she has good methods but also try and tell her that you work best when in a more relaxed state and that she isn't helping you when she makes you anxious. If she makes you anxious she is probably going within a boundary that you feel that she shouldn't.

You can also learn more about your job outside of work?

Bluebear · #4 11th September 2022, 11:52

Hi Marie,
Good to see you again, I'm sorry you're having issues at work though. I think your new colleague sounds like she is over qualified. I agree with Mr Nobody and hopefully she won't be there long.

I would struggle in this situation too. Maybe she means well. I also think that in a situation like this (or in any situation where the personalities are very different) it can be hard to see the other person's side. Maybe she is used to being very much in control at work, or maybe she has a controlling personality..

biscuits · #5 11th September 2022, 16:09

^ Yes, it might be that she's so used to taking charge at work. It sounds like she has good intentions - to help you learn the skills she knows well and to help you to work more efficiently. She perhaps hasn't realised she's been a bit much with it all or that's she's making you feel uncomfortable. Six months of experience probably seems like 10 minutes to her if she's been doing this for a long time. Tact is a skill to be learned hehe

I hope you find a way of working alongside her. Perhaps as you get to know her you'll find some admirable qualities and aspects of her personality that you can warm to. And maybe you might learn a few things from her to help you with your job. I'm sure she'll learn some things from you in terms of work and in terms of your sweet and gentle nature as well

Sometimes louder and confident people take a little longer to warm to because their contrast to ourselves can be overwhelming. Just as our quietness can be hard for them to cope with. Then when you get to know each other you sort of find a balance and end up complementing each other.

Marie8 · #6 23rd September 2022, 16:34

Thanks for your replies. It's a bit better than it was now we've got more used to each other and she does seem a nice person and at least there arent mant awkward silences which would be worse! I just find it a bit much and worry other colleagues will think she's better at the job because of her outgoing personality. I know that's me being negative but I can't help it I always worry too much about stupid things! I'm just trying to keep my head down and do my job the best I can.