Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[Fantastical]

End of exam high -> disastrous CBT session. Think they're going to discharge me. Failing at doing it.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

just been toilet. 1 big brown one, 4 little ones.

[Clementine]

I'm so messed up

[Oddity]

^

^^ I think it should at least be in the 'What I did today' thread

[Silent Ninja]

Wishing I hadn't wimped out of cycling to work today, I think I would have missed the rain there and back and been home a lot earlier than I was on the bus.

[Tim.82]

^ Sounds good, are you taking Bowtruckle with you?

[Ronnie_Pickering]

Originally Posted by Purplesnarf

well done Ramon, is this going to be a new thread on here now!

It's an idea!..

[Clementine]

[Appear]

[Merritt]

[Clementine]

[Merritt]

[Clementine]

I'm absolutely useless Sat here crying because I can't handle any of this CBT stuff and I'm way behind already. I can't even cope with the stuff that's supposed to be helping me cope with stuff I feel like such a lost cause.

[Merritt]

^ Don't be too hard on yourself Any type of therapy is difficult and requires a level of stability and wellness to make good use of it. I've always been afraid of CBT in case it meant having to be too proactive and not being able to handle it.

Maybe now's just not the right time for it? No one's fault, just not the best timing. Do you get to see anyone to check in with your feelings about it?

[Merritt]

Originally Posted by MissKitty

He is intelligent,full of common sense,dark haired and northern

Tee hee, you flatter me

Originally Posted by MissKitty

but I don't fancy Brian Cox at all

Oh.

[Clementine]

Originally Posted by Merritt

^ Don't be too hard on yourself Any type of therapy is difficult and requires a level of stability and wellness to make good use of it. I've always been afraid of CBT in case it meant having to be too proactive and not being able to handle it.

Maybe now's just not the right time for it? No one's fault, just not the best timing. Do you get to see anyone to check in with your feelings about it?

Thank you Yeah I don't really feel as if I'm ready for it yet, I also know that I'm naturally extremely avoidant though so I don't know if I'd necessarily find it any easier if I waited.
Yes, I'll see the woman about it on Monday. I didn't find her easy to talk to at all though, she seemed quite strict and I'm far from assertive Ugh, I wanted to go into this with an open mind but it's already feeling like some sort of punishment or test that I'm failing.

[girlinterrupted]

I get where you`re coming from Clementine,the part of your post about not being able to cope with the stuff that`s supposed to help you cope could have come straight from me ,it makes me feel actual shame. Knowing all therapy is bound to be confronting to some degree doesn`t always help,and I guess it`s just how confronting is still doable- sounds like you have a plan though on how to move forward which is great

I`m thinking I wish fathers day,and fathers day emails and fathers day adverts would p*** off,it`s bloody depressing when you haven`t got one

[Merritt]

^^ They should understand that there are good reasons why you might be finding it too difficult right now, and that it's not a matter of failing, or being naughty and not doing your homework. If they don't, well, to them.

[Clementine]

Thank you both

[blancmange]

I should cut certain family members out entirely from my life. I'm so weak and pathetic.

[newbs16]

^ Has someone upset you?

[blancmange]

^ Just a bit. I shouldn't expect anything else really.

[newbs16]

^ I hope you're okay x

[blancmange]

Not especially, but thank you x

[Clementine]

^^

I have to be at the doctors at 07:45, I didn't even know they were open that early. This is going to be a challenge for me I'm way too lazy.

[Clementine]

^ Yeah hopefully! Plus I won't have time to be sat around panicking about it beforehand

[Utopia]

^ I thought 9:15am was bad... if I have an appointment for depression they usually give me the later appointment as they know sleep problems can be an issue in depression.

CBT has been shown to actually work for people in general. It hasn't personally done much for me personally, but I remember when I first read about it I did notice a small improvement for a short time.

I think the relationshio you have with the therapist is really important. Unfortunately findng completely non-judgemental people is difficult.

[girlinterrupted]

I think there may be going to be an election.

[Clementine]

^^ I joked that I was still half asleep when I went in, she rolled her eyes and said 'People always complain it's too early and I tell them "but I have to be here early too!"' I wanted to say 'But you don't have depression and you're getting paid to be here' but I didn't.

I told her about the CBT and she said it was ridiculous that they're getting me to do the social anxiety stuff online, she said they should be focusing on the depression first and face to face. She said the mental health services are stretched to the limit though.

I walked down and back in the pouring rain and got soaked to the skin.
My blood test results have gone missing somehow, not sure what's happened there.
On the way home I risked walking past the shop where my ex works because I didn't want to go the longer way, plus the shop hadn't opened yet. I stayed on the other side of the road with my head down but looked up and saw him in the window watching me He waved so I waved quickly and walked on and rushed around the corner incase he came out.
I hope it won't trigger more texts from him now, I doubt it though because I must have looked like shit, soaked through and hair like rat tails. You're supposed to see your ex when you're looking your best aren't you, all glamorous and confident with an air of 'I'm so over you' about you, not when you look your soggy worst.
Seeing him always makes me feel a bit weak and confused I hate that I'm not stronger.

Then I had to walk through crowds of school kids, I really struggle with that.

Now I'm feeling like pathetic crap and trying to push away all sorts of annoying emotions that I don't want to be feeling

That turned into a bit of a rant, sorry.

[newbs16]

^ She is clearly happy to be at work, well done for attending the appointment. You're doing so well