Type what you're thinking about right now (11) - Page 696

Schmosby · #**20851** 30th March 2019, 23:04

I wouldn't agree with that. You get all types on YouTube, just as in life. I watch nice art tutorials, programming tutorials, workout related stuff. Something for every taste is on there, you just have to find what you like.

Deer · #**20852** 30th March 2019, 23:40

Same with any popularised platform though. A bulk of shit material is to be expected.

Rocket Spud · #**20853** 31st March 2019, 00:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

^ yeah, you seem to drink in moderation though, right?

I'd say so, yeah. One day of the week i have a little blowout - i don't get upto much - i'm pretty consistant - no surprises.

Deer · #**20854** 31st March 2019, 01:17

^There is no chance I could maintain that lol When I start thinking I can drink like that, that is when things go tits up for me.

I take it you are feeling better anyhow :p

newbs16 · #**20855** 31st March 2019, 03:57

Just woken up and wondering if the time has automatically changed on my phone and watch.

Deer · #**20856** 31st March 2019, 12:41

^^ Soon as I said it, I thought to myself, I bet I start thinking about the vain aspects of myself and I did lol

I stick to my point though, plenty of phonies on youtube!

Professor Willow · #**20857** 31st March 2019, 16:53

Where am I going to live when I split up with my bf.
I do still have a room at home with parents but they have basically said that if I do come back I can't stop for long because they need the space.
I can't afford to rent something more than just a room in a house share and I couldn't cope with that.
I don't have any friends I could stay with and getting any form of social housing is probably remote.

Why did I stay with the **** for so long

FML

Deer · #**20858** 31st March 2019, 18:33

^^ D1162, you are essentially homeless so I would definitely register on your local social housing list as soon as possible. Inform them that your parents have allowed you to stay temporarily and that you will have no where to live after that.

Not sure if you are still working or not but if you think you will struggle contact an organisation like citizens advice who will support you with whatever financial guidance you need as well as moving!

Also the turn2us website has a lot of information and contacts for these kinds of issues.

You never know man, things could start picking up for you but try not to just give in because there are still some options for you to look at.

Deer · #**20859** 31st March 2019, 22:56

Reminiscing about the days I used to pretend I was the undertaker by putting pyjama bottoms on my head and jumping from the top of the wardrobe ha!

Was always slightly awkward when someone walked in my room.

Wearing pyjama bottoms on your head was slightly taboo in them days :/

Toxic · #**20860** 1st April 2019, 09:29

^I hope that wasn't last week

Deer · #**20861** 1st April 2019, 11:20

^

I'm sometimes tempted to, I have to say haha

Tom Morello · #**20862** 1st April 2019, 14:58

I wish depression could give more physical symptoms so it could be taking more seriously. Seems like you have to be almost suicidal before anyone can help.

Deer · #**20863** 1st April 2019, 17:22

^ It can be really frustrating Tom. What help have you tried to get?

Deer · #**20864** 1st April 2019, 19:27

Must attempt to read one of my books tonight! My stack of books is piling up and I haven't read any of them.

Deer · #**20865** 1st April 2019, 20:29

Your sister sounds adorable

daydreams are the best. You know, I get disappointed because I barely dream that much now for some reason. I had one the other night/morning and oh, I just wanted to close my eyes and fall back into a dream again.

Well I've decided on reading Coyote Blue by Christopher Moore (I have no idea who he is either). I was going to read Huckleberry Finn but thought I would read a shorter book first and see if I get into the habit of reading again.

Right, going to get started with it now so everyone ssssshhhh! :p

Biscuits, it sounds like a robot would be ideal for you

Tom Morello · #**20866** 1st April 2019, 20:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

^ It can be really frustrating Tom. What help have you tried to get?

I've done 6-8 week CBT group sessions but they aren't long enough and you still need motivation to go to them. Most effective treatment has been meds but they only work for so long and you have to be in a bad way to even get them, at least around here anyway. I wish there was more 1 to 1 support available that didn't cost significant amounts or involve a long waiting time.
If I could see a therapist weekly for 6 months then I'm fairly sure it would be a lot more effective than meds. Sadly that would cost a lot of money.

I feel the walls are slowly closing in on me again after a 6 month "reprieve", the last week especially has been exhausting mentally. Trying to do stuff like dating while also fighting myself is too much. Why is finding a life partner such a ****ing ballache?

Deer · #**20867** 1st April 2019, 21:28

Aye Tom, mental health services are mostly pretty bog standard! I have a similar issue in my area. A lot of them just aren't getting the funding they need.

What about speaking to a local mental health organisation and seeing if they are able to direct you in the right direction, or maybe even offer something that appeals to you?

It really does feel like clawing your way out of sand to get the necessary help like! It has driven me to despair at times too.

I would say, if the dating is frustrating you, take a step back from it mate. I guess my solution to that was to lower my expectations for myself.

Not to make this about me but I had such a shitty time last year, and it took its toll at the beginning of January that now I find I don't think ahead as much anymore. It is just way too much to contend with. I start worrying about, what if I end up on benefits for the rest of my life. What if I never get to travel and explore parts of the world. What if I am in the same boat in ten years. What if I never find a partner, and it goes on and on and on! So since beginning of January, as dull as it sounds, I just concentrate on today. Not really out of choice though but just thinking too far ahead weighs too much on me!
In the past, I had tried the 'if you don't put the effort in, you won't get anywhere' approach and the 'fake it until you make it' attitude but I just couldn't maintain it.

I guess now, I just think well this is the cards I've been dealt, fighting it doesn't help so might as well just give in to it and have a healthy bit of hope also.

I'm not sure I done this consciously though but more I just got fed up of never reaching my expectations and just began to seem easier not to have them. So being alone doesn't really bother me because I tried having relationships and I wasn't really any happier in many ways. I really cared for them but it was also exhausting for me.

I dunno man, suppose we just got to try different ways and see how it works out, you know?! But *big hugs* man, I definitely understand your frustration and I do feel for you. It sometimes feels like we are desperately shouting and punching into the air. Or shouting help to a crowd of people covering their ears.

Professor Willow · #**20868** 1st April 2019, 22:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ Hey, hey, heyyyy....don't be too hard on yourself, D.

Well, that sounds like a plan... temporarily move back in with your parents and the fact that you can only stay for a bit will be motivation to get something else sorted. All sounds positive

You stayed with him for so long because breaking up with someone is horrible and no one likes to have to do something like that. But now it sounds like you are ready - have those plans ready for what you're gonna do next and then you won't feel so lost. It'll feel like moving on.

Hope you're okay

Thank you for the reply Biscuits

I'm trying and failing to see anything positive in the current situation, I guess it came as a bit of a shock that my mum doesn't want me back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

^^ D1162, you are essentially homeless so I would definitely register on your local social housing list as soon as possible. Inform them that your parents have allowed you to stay temporarily and that you will have no where to live after that.

Not sure if you are still working or not but if you think you will struggle contact an organisation like citizens advice who will support you with whatever financial guidance you need as well as moving!

Also the turn2us website has a lot of information and contacts for these kinds of issues.

You never know man, things could start picking up for you but try not to just give in because there are still some options for you to look at.

Thanks Johnny for the information

I am working but not earning a great deal and I believe that being self employed counts against me when trying to get financial / housing support.
Truthfully I don't really know where to start when it comes to housing, I always thought I would be able to afford my own house one day but the chances of that are looking bleaker by the day.

Deer · #**20869** 1st April 2019, 22:22

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-g...tly-asked-ques

There you go buddy :p

Deer · #**20870** 1st April 2019, 22:31

And, if you are struggling to cope with all the stress of it all, definitely contact Citizens Advice and an advisor will help take the burden off your shoulders

But a good place to start would be registering on the social housing list. Pretty sure you can do this online.

As politely as possible, forget what your parents and your boyfriend thinks or decide to do, man. If you focus on what they think too much it will just drag you down. Just take the next step that is best for you regardless of how insignificant that step might seem

Deer · #**20871** 2nd April 2019, 07:59

For some time I have convinced myself that I have asperger's syndrome or that maybe I have a personality disorder. Now after reading an article on SA, now I'm thinking maybe I haven't , and it is just SA. Oh, I don't know!!

Tom Morello · #**20872** 2nd April 2019, 16:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

Aye Tom, mental health services are mostly pretty bog standard! I have a similar issue in my area. A lot of them just aren't getting the funding they need.

What about speaking to a local mental health organisation and seeing if they are able to direct you in the right direction, or maybe even offer something that appeals to you?

It really does feel like clawing your way out of sand to get the necessary help like! It has driven me to despair at times too.

I would say, if the dating is frustrating you, take a step back from it mate. I guess my solution to that was to lower my expectations for myself.

Not to make this about me but I had such a shitty time last year, and it took its toll at the beginning of January that now I find I don't think ahead as much anymore. It is just way too much to contend with. I start worrying about, what if I end up on benefits for the rest of my life. What if I never get to travel and explore parts of the world. What if I am in the same boat in ten years. What if I never find a partner, and it goes on and on and on! So since beginning of January, as dull as it sounds, I just concentrate on today. Not really out of choice though but just thinking too far ahead weighs too much on me!
In the past, I had tried the 'if you don't put the effort in, you won't get anywhere' approach and the 'fake it until you make it' attitude but I just couldn't maintain it.

I guess now, I just think well this is the cards I've been dealt, fighting it doesn't help so might as well just give in to it and have a healthy bit of hope also.

I'm not sure I done this consciously though but more I just got fed up of never reaching my expectations and just began to seem easier not to have them. So being alone doesn't really bother me because I tried having relationships and I wasn't really any happier in many ways. I really cared for them but it was also exhausting for me.

I dunno man, suppose we just got to try different ways and see how it works out, you know?! But *big hugs* man, I definitely understand your frustration and I do feel for you. It sometimes feels like we are desperately shouting and punching into the air. Or shouting help to a crowd of people covering their ears.

Thanks mate, I'll try to type out a proper response later - good advise.

Edit: Yeah funding is the biggest problem unfortunately. I've spoken to my local mind but most of the help available is during the working week, which is useless to me as I'm in full time work.
I'd like to take a step back from dating but somehow I'm addicted, that hope that there's someone just around the corner is what keeps me hooked. But yeah lowering my expectations is what I need to do.
Concentrating on today is also a good idea, sure I know where I want to be in a few years but there's not much point thinking about that when I feel so crap at present. The fake it until you make it has its uses but yeah it's exhausting to maintain. I can do it at work but outside it aint happening.

Thanks for sharing and hope you're ok.

Deer · #**20873** 2nd April 2019, 22:47

Yeah Thom. I think because in our minds we imagine the perfect algorithm for a potential partner/relationship. I think it is normal to want that. I have a vague hope of finding a quirky, eccentric woman who I just click with immediately but I have to also accept, that isn't easy. It might even be highly unlikely. I suffer with MH, I haven't got a job and I barely go anywhere to date. So from this position to finding my ideal woman is a huge jump in hope.

I mean, I pop on a dating site every now and then for a skim. And you know, I am happy when I have an interesting discussion with a woman even if I never hear from them again.
It is when I start building my expectations up that it becomes painful, and I start expecting and thinking, 'THIS SHOULD HAPPEN TO ME'. And in that frame of mind, I don't appreciate what is right in front of me.

The thing is I'm not sure we can train our minds to be like that. It just comes with disappointment and tiredness. And when I stop the expecting, its like oh, this isn't too bad after all.

If you can't stop the dating, maybe play with it a bit. Rather than see it as a challenge you are failing at, just see it as kind of ,'let's see what happens' rather than, 'why isn't this happening?' Sometimes we just don't know why it isn't happening. There sometimes isn't anything to correct.

But even saying this, life is harsh as **** at times. But whether you arein a relationship, not in a relationship, it can still be brutal and heartbreaking.

I just think curiosity is much easier than expecting is all really. But that is easier said than done. I suppose maybe admitting it isn't ever going to go the way you want it to is quite freeing in some strange way. And in a way thank god it doesn't or we'd never have surprises or spontaneous encounters.

If you are going to continue looking then I would just say, don't take the lack of attention as an indication that you are doing something wrong in your approach but more like, there are tonnes of men trying to chat up one woman, and it maybe isn't about you. Do you know what I mean?

edbander · #**20874** 3rd April 2019, 19:50

,

everywhere

Tom Morello · #**20875** 3rd April 2019, 22:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

Yeah Thom. I think because in our minds we imagine the perfect algorithm for a potential partner/relationship. I think it is normal to want that. I have a vague hope of finding a quirky, eccentric woman who I just click with immediately but I have to also accept, that isn't easy. It might even be highly unlikely. I suffer with MH, I haven't got a job and I barely go anywhere to date. So from this position to finding my ideal woman is a huge jump in hope.

I mean, I pop on a dating site every now and then for a skim. And you know, I am happy when I have an interesting discussion with a woman even if I never hear from them again.
It is when I start building my expectations up that it becomes painful, and I start expecting and thinking, 'THIS SHOULD HAPPEN TO ME'. And in that frame of mind, I don't appreciate what is right in front of me.

The thing is I'm not sure we can train our minds to be like that. It just comes with disappointment and tiredness. And when I stop the expecting, its like oh, this isn't too bad after all.

If you can't stop the dating, maybe play with it a bit. Rather than see it as a challenge you are failing at, just see it as kind of ,'let's see what happens' rather than, 'why isn't this happening?' Sometimes we just don't know why it isn't happening. There sometimes isn't anything to correct.

But even saying this, life is harsh as **** at times. But whether you arein a relationship, not in a relationship, it can still be brutal and heartbreaking.

I just think curiosity is much easier than expecting is all really. But that is easier said than done. I suppose maybe admitting it isn't ever going to go the way you want it to is quite freeing in some strange way. And in a way thank god it doesn't or we'd never have surprises or spontaneous encounters.

If you are going to continue looking then I would just say, don't take the lack of attention as an indication that you are doing something wrong in your approach but more like, there are tonnes of men trying to chat up one woman, and it maybe isn't about you. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah I've had this movie style view of relationships like they're perfect, which I realise isn't realistic. My problem is having no experience, I haven't seen the shit side of relationships so I just think of the good points.

Ah yeah it's those expectations that kill, that's what I hate. I'm fine messaging women and not hearing back but if I have a decent first date BANG, expectations rise and rejection is hard for me to take. Monday and Tuesday I felt like shit cos I knew another one bit the dust, now I feel ok and just messaging people again with no expectations, which is easy. I won't give up just yet.

Percy · #**20876** 3rd April 2019, 23:00

How much right wing ignorance ****** me off. More so since they repeatedly claim to be the side of logic and reason, just before or just after coming out with the most illogical or unreasonable drivel you can imagine.

Deer · #**20877** 4th April 2019, 09:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Morello

Yeah I've had this movie style view of relationships like they're perfect, which I realise isn't realistic. My problem is having no experience, I haven't seen the shit side of relationships so I just think of the good points.

Ah yeah it's those expectations that kill, that's what I hate. I'm fine messaging women and not hearing back but if I have a decent first date BANG, expectations rise and rejection is hard for me to take. Monday and Tuesday I felt like shit cos I knew another one bit the dust, now I feel ok and just messaging people again with no expectations, which is easy. I won't give up just yet.

Ah, well its good to hear you are getting dates at least. How do you find the dates? Whilst the date is going on are you kind of like ah, this isn't going well, or does it seem to be going well and afterwards they don't get back to you?

Tom Morello · #**20878** 4th April 2019, 12:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deer

Ah, well its good to hear you are getting dates at least. How do you find the dates? Whilst the date is going on are you kind of like ah, this isn't going well, or does it seem to be going well and afterwards they don't get back to you?

They've been ok but not amazing. They haven't felt worth the hassle tbh. I had 3 last week (they're like buses) including 2 with one person and it was ****ing exhausting. Felt like I was burning out after the last one. I don't know how people do it. I need more than a couple of hours to get to know if someone is right for me, but you don't get such "luxuries" with online dating I've found. I'm not very forward or flirty either.
But I can usually tell I'm going to get rejected/ghosted during or just after a date. Usually I'd be happy to see them again even if just as friends, but it doesn't happen.
Another thing that annoys me is going from texting every day to nothing just because we didn't have perfect chemistry on a 1-2 hour date. I understand people don't want to waste time but it's quite cut throat.

Tom Morello · #**20879** 4th April 2019, 13:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ have you tried those match.com single nights where you do a bit of cooking or something? Not sure how they work... do they put matches together or is it a bit of a free for all?

Think of the chat up lines though... Want to try my prawn ring?

Probably just 30 random people in a bar picking holes in each other.

Deer · #**20880** 4th April 2019, 15:41

^^ 3 in one week? Bloody hell!! You mustn't be lacking in handsomeness then :p

Aye, was it a bit formal the dates? I can't do dinner dates! I can't relax or be myself! I just like to go for a stroll or something. The idea of someone sitting opposite me - judging as to whether I am suitable for them - freaks me out just thinking about it.