Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[choirgirl]

Ugh, so giving up around 40, instead of moving out as I could have done then - why? Now I'm going insane and I've brought it on myself and I have another load of money to earn. Because 40 seemed too late - a few years earlier and I would have been out the door. So I wimped out instead. And why did I wimp out? Because of my twin fears of penury and loneliness.

[Amara 94]

I have been reading a book on highly sensitive men. I think I fit the category. I was recently beginning to get my sleep back but a few negative or unstable feeling convos with family and the sleep problems begin again. I need to cut them out of my life for now. And I’m also thinking family isn’t always blood now.

[Amara 94]

Leaving my job

[Amara 94]

I’m not leaving my job though

[Wham Bam Thank You Jam]

^ How comes you're thinking about it?

I left my job in June.

[Amara 94]

The environment, sometimes I feel a lack of appreciation though I also wonder if it’s partially my fault due to anxiety and recently poor management of stress. I actually did give a notice but changed my mind after a few days. I think maybe I should just take the step though. The boss clearly seems to have a problem with me but communicates it in subtle ways. My manager said that they can’t get the supplies I need to wash the dishes for some time so is kitchen porters need to use the soap sparingly, lots of stuff breaks and isn’t the best maintained.

Yesterday, I had poor sleep and as a result went to work with a headache, because of some family issues. A headache usually happens with me from poor sleep which comes from stress. The boss came and only asked me in the kitchen if I am okay starting me in the eyes for more than a few seconds. He may not see that as serious but as someone who suffers from SA, probably has autism, I have had people signal that I’m not right for most of my life so I found that quite offensive. I also feel like I can think for myself or am as smart as most other people but because of anxiety and I guess not communicating the best it feels like people think they can speak for me.

I think I will confront the boss about it and see how he reacts first.

[Dougella]

^ Had your boss noticed you weren't looking too well/were looking tired and was asking if you're ok for that reason?

[Mo34]

Someone at work was telling me Sean Lock died. What a shame.

[Tembo]

^ I know, very sad. He was my favourite comedian. I ached from laughter when I went to see him live.

[Percy]

Very sad.

[Dougella]

It's so sad.

[blancmange]

Does anyone else struggle with a change of plans? I've just had a panic attack and cry over a minor change of plans for going shopping today. I'm not sure if I can manage it at all now

[biscuits]

^ i struggle with a change of plans and with uncertainty. If I don't have a clear mental run through of what's vaguely going to happen then I'm on edge. It depends on how in control I feel. If I was doing something on my own then I wouldn't mind just winging it, but if someone else has invited me and I don't know the venue or what's going to happen then I can't relax. I clam up and shut down rather than panic. But in the lead up to it I'll be anxious and it takes over my thoughts.

Hope you are okay . Do you think there is anything you can do to help you with adapting plans next time? Maybe having or imaging a few plans or ideas of what might happen might help. Or talking through the plans with someone before you go, or going with someone else.

[twosocks]

^^ yeah. Especially if last minute or i've not been told in advance. Get a bit flustered.

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Had your boss noticed you weren't looking too well/were looking tired and was asking if you're ok for that reason?

I confronted him and he said he can understand why I confronted him.

[Dougella]

^^^^ Yes I do, if it's last minute or it's something that someone hasn't told me is going to be happening.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by amara

I confronted him and he said he can understand why I confronted him.

What did you confront him about? Did you feel like he was criticising you?

[Amara 94]

Had a good sleep for the first time in two days I would say.

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by Dougella

What did you confront him about? Did you feel like he was criticising you?

About the question and staring for a few seconds. He only said it to me in front of a few chefs and no one else so I felt targeted. I felt targeted more than criticised. He apologised and I think with things like this, you have to be there or experience it to understand it.

I know things like this are small but I’ve read it’s not good to bottle up stuff and go against gut feelings, apparently in the long term as it can even lead to poorer health as it’s kind of like ignoring your central nervous system.

[Dougella]

^ Ah, ok.

[blancmange]

Originally Posted by biscuits

^ i struggle with a change of plans and with uncertainty. If I don't have a clear mental run through of what's vaguely going to happen then I'm on edge. It depends on how in control I feel. If I was doing something on my own then I wouldn't mind just winging it, but if someone else has invited me and I don't know the venue or what's going to happen then I can't relax. I clam up and shut down rather than panic. But in the lead up to it I'll be anxious and it takes over my thoughts.

Hope you are okay . Do you think there is anything you can do to help you with adapting plans next time? Maybe having or imaging a few plans or ideas of what might happen might help. Or talking through the plans with someone before you go, or going with someone else.

Originally Posted by twosocks

^^ yeah. Especially if last minute or i've not been told in advance. Get a bit flustered.

Originally Posted by Dougella

^^^^ Yes I do, if it's last minute or it's something that someone hasn't told me is going to be happening.

Thank you for your replies guys I'm sorry to hear you also struggle with this. It can really throw me off, however I did manage to get through it, and it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

@Biscuits Thanks for the tip, I do tend to overthink every possibility and outcome, if that's what you mean? Luckily I'm always going out with my mum, so I could talk it through a bit and have that support

[Professor Willow]

A part of me wishes that we were still in lockdown, it was lovely to not hear drunken idiots brawling in town on a Friday night.

[biscuits]

Woah - I woke up thinking it must be about 6am. It is not. Whoops

[Percy]

Thinking about going back to bed.

[Amara 94]

That lots of things, not really but major things, have to change in my life.

[Amara 94]

This is Hip Hop, it's much more than music, it's like a way of doing things.

[Amara 94]

Is it the wrong mentality to want to be attractive, liked, cool etc?

I know it's pretty normal to want these stuff. However I've wanted these stuff when in reality I am socially anxious and socially awkward. I am so isolated, even from family, that I have no idea on how to even act around kids.

I think social media makes us want these things more. For people who don't have the direct traits or haven't acquired stuff like social skill, knowledge of pop culture to be cool. Wanting these things too much is probably damaging to their mental health.

I have met people, even teachers, that came across a bit awkward, weren't really liked by the majority at first glance, but still had a lot to offer. In fact, I think their skill and what they had to offer spoke for them.

Also saw a few garden renovation videos, makes me feel I should do more DIY. It must feel good to build stuff. I think it makes you feel like you are making something better.

[Professor Willow]

It's 5 years since I came out as gay (although I now consider myself bisexual) I can remember people at the time saying how it would make me feel happier to be myself and that a whole world of exciting opportunities lay ahead of me, new friends, new experiences, blah blah blah.

So here I am 5 years later still no friends, still less sexual experience than most 16 year olds, still unhappy with life and feeling powerless to change it.

[Amara 94]

Maybe I should go trade school.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoJ_H_W3VGY

[twosocks]

You have the stairway to heaven and the highway to hell. But no one has written a song about the moving walkway to purgatory..