uni flatmates

lisaa123 · #1 14th October 2009, 01:13

I've just been told that my flatmates at uni have given up trying to talk to me cos i apperently don't respond to them. normally i would have accepted this cos with most people i obviously don't talk that much, but with my flatmates i really have been trying, but obviously it's not enough. this is such a huge setback cos i thought i was actually getting somewhere..

TonaldDrump · #2 14th October 2009, 01:38

Dont be hard on yourself. You've been trying which like you say is an improvement, and it things like improving yourself socially never happen overnight. If they say you ignore them, why not invite them to a night of drinking say, or cook them a meal? Not trying too hard to please them like, but just to show that your not ignoring them or whatever they think. I mean, uni flatmates to us is probably a really big thing. Getting on with them and getting them to like you etc. But really what a great flatmate is is not making too much of a mess, not being too loud at all hours, and probably last of all being someone nice to talk to... So try to let getting on with them be on the bottom of your list kind of thing. I tend to get on better with people when im not thinking about wanting to get on with them if you know what i mean...

If i was in your situation i would be going straight to the drink solution. Get hammered and lose all inhabitions and show them that im not a complete bore. In the long run its probably not the best for me but im an in-the-moment kinda person so i try not to think, or tend not to think about what will happen next time until it is next time!

I find it hard trying to give advice or comfort people on here :S I think too much about trying to write great advice that it probably comes out as really bad advice, lol.

lisaa123 · #3 14th October 2009, 02:27

i actually had a drink with a few of them tonight but recently i've been a bit scared of drinking too much in case i say something which i regret in the morning, usually i dont do anyhting that bad but i tend to go over the things iv said in mind over and over again and it feels like iv said something stupid.
also i moved in rather late so everyone has their own little groups so i dont really feel like i can fit in with any of them seen as though no one really bothers with me anymore.
but thankyou for the advice, i am going to keep trying, after all im gonna be here for a while now

Leif Erikson · #4 14th October 2009, 09:41

Everyone is different - we are entitled to be as loud and quiet as we like.

Who told you this? You have to be careful of people who take things back to people. Go out for a few drinks or go to a gig - the best thing about a gig or the cinema is that you don't have to do a lot of drinking or talking. I'd even come with you as I have been there - I live in Southampton if that helps!

Cx

Johnni · #5 14th October 2009, 13:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisaa123

I've just been told that my flatmates at uni have given up trying to talk to me cos i apperently don't respond to them.

Who told you ?

lisaa123 · #6 14th October 2009, 14:33

One of the guys who lives in the house who's just generally very friendly to everyone so i find it alright talking to him. i have made an appointment with the doctor today though (which im already panicking about).

Nikkos · #7 14th October 2009, 21:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisaa123

i actually had a drink with a few of them tonight but recently i've been a bit scared of drinking too much in case i say something which i regret in the morning, usually i dont do anyhting that bad but i tend to go over the things iv said in mind over and over again and it feels like iv said something stupid.
also i moved in rather late so everyone has their own little groups so i dont really feel like i can fit in with any of them seen as though no one really bothers with me anymore.
but thankyou for the advice, i am going to keep trying, after all im gonna be here for a while now

Part of my thinks stuff then dont worry about it but i know its not that easy... I would try to relax more with them don't try so hard always seems with SA the more you try the more you fail when it comes to when types of sits we'll thats what ive gotten anyway.

MM hardone am sure something will give and things will get easyer

Ankylopithekos · #8 15th October 2009, 23:02

I ended up not talking to my flatmates at all, and went to the gym first thing every morning so that I could shower there instead of having to share one with their ghastly odors in it!

Ashtray88 · #9 15th October 2009, 23:43

It's good that your seeing a doctor. Don't panic about it, the doctor will know what your talking about and will want to help.

As for your flatmates, it's pretty harsh that they have said that. If I was in your situation I would probably end up ranting at them about how shy I am but I can't help it. But that's not really helpful. Just try to be as friendly as possible, smile at them, say hello, maybe even ask them how they are. If they have decided to "stopped trying" then they are the ones who will look like assholes.