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  #1  
Old 7th September 2020, 22:06
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default If you could go back, would you?

If you could rewind the clock and be 14 again, knowing what you know, would you do it? Obviously you’d be in the same situation, but you’d have the power to change things.
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  #2  
Old 7th September 2020, 22:11
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I don't think I would want to go back to 14, I would need to go back considerably further, to being 4, because that's when the bullying started and returning to age 14 would mean that I was already a "target" and nothing would change. Going back to 18 might be good, so I could have another beginning to university.

The only issue with that is that changing the past would change the entire course of my life and not necessarily for the better; I'm in a good place at the moment and if I change the rest of my life, it may not lead me to where I am now.
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Old 7th September 2020, 23:08
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I'd either need to go back to being 10/11 (where as far as I can remember - I was pretty normal, had plenty of friends, wasn't really shy or weird...) and pick a different secondary school - see where that takes me.

Or I'd need to go back to being about 18 where the damage was already done but it is what it is and I'd make better life choices in regards to getting a job or apprenticeship instead of riding the student bum life as long as possible which resulted in me being some weird, skint, unemployed scrotum till the age of 27

Honesty my life is pretty crap these days (Admittedly its mostly self inflicted) and I reckon the only thing I'd miss is having money in my bank account to buy various things without having to count the pennies, the rest of it I'd gladly ditch and have another go at life. I dunno which scenario I'd prefer out of the above 2, probably the first one.
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  #4  
Old 7th September 2020, 23:10
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I definitely wouldn’t go back unless I could change things. But even if I did have the power to change stuff, I’d need a different mind/brain/nervous system/ set of genes...whatever the hell it was that made me such a dysfunctional mess. There would be no point going back to the way I was. Even with everything I know, I’d still be SO afraid, so socially withdrawn and dysfunctional, that I couldn’t overcome it. I’d also need my family to be less clingy and screwed up.

Oddly though, even if I could have all those things (I mean, if I could be 14 again and not so frightened and dysfunctional), I’m not sure I’d want to go back. Still, I would be tempted. It would lovely to know how it feels to be both young and happy. Anything beyond 14 would be too late. Although, frankly, I’d probably need to go back to 7 or 8, the time at which I began to withdraw from the world.
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  #5  
Old 7th September 2020, 23:51
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Wouldn't it be really, really weird to go back with hindsight... ? Is that what you're saying? That you've been given a chance to go back with all the knowledge that you've accumulated upto this point... i'd go insane pretty quickly
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  #6  
Old 8th September 2020, 00:06
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Not for any amount of money anyone was willing to pay me! No! Just thinking about all the things I'd have to go through again that I had very little control over and not meeting certain people for another 10 years makes it an absolute no.
If I could just go back briefly and tell a few people to *expletive* off I would do that though.
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  #7  
Old 8th September 2020, 04:08
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I spend my life mired in wistful nostalgia, but I wouldn't want to go back. I don't think I've learned anything in the last two decades that would actually be useful to 14 year old me, and I don't think I'd do anything especially different (or would even know how to) How I could ever have not become who I am is a mystery to me.

I'd step out of one of Dean Stockwell's Quantum Leap light doors, sort of show off my rotting teeth, receding hairline and tubby belly, shrug apologetically, and disappear again.
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  #8  
Old 8th September 2020, 08:04
Indigo_ Indigo_ is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Nope, definitely not, because I probably wouldn't be where I am now.
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  #9  
Old 8th September 2020, 08:29
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

The knowledge that things in the future will either be the same as they are now, or more likely, worse, isn't enough to motivate many people to make the changes required to improve their present lives, so I don't think being young again with the knowledge of how things will turn out in the future would actually change anything.
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  #10  
Old 8th September 2020, 08:35
twosocks twosocks is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Yes.
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  #11  
Old 8th September 2020, 10:19
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

yes, definitely,

I'd then start gambling on the (known) winners of races and so on and become a millionaire - yippee!!!

by now,. I'd be living in a lovely big mansion in the country and have had as many fine maidens as my tongue could cope with over the years,

what's not to like?
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  #12  
Old 8th September 2020, 12:18
girlinterrupted girlinterrupted is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Yes, in a second. I would actually even if I knew nothing could change, just to see various people again.
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  #13  
Old 8th September 2020, 13:23
Chess&Junkfood Chess&Junkfood is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I could go 50/50 on this one. I suppose if I could in some way merge my current self with my 16 year old self, where I had just started my first job, then maybe I would consider it. But I don't think the 16 year old me would be happy with having to use the bathroom throughout the night, while also dealing with chronic impotence. It's good to share. So it's certainly a trade off. Then there is what girlinterrupted has said about spending time again with various people in your life. Which would definitely be great. But again, it would be another trade off. What with having to go through the days of propping myself up again and being very fortunate that my self medicating days didn't take me out of the game of life. Which brings me to how I feel right now, where my life could have turned out better in the past, but I could have also being taken out of the game by having an accident as well. So at least I'm still in the game and I still have the chance to improve on that game in the future. Or something like that.
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  #14  
Old 8th September 2020, 15:53
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Yeah, definitely, life is a learning process but its kind of pointless even thinking about this unless it is a reasonable possibility of being the case. There are all kinds of things I could do with the knowledge of how things are going to play out. I don't think there is any reason not to unless history wouldn't play out the same way due to chance or something we don't understand. I was completely clueless at that age and obviously made a lot of mistakes, and I'm still learning now. Obviously life is a learning experience, but I wouldn't like the lack of freedom that comes with being a teenager again, obviously the new challenges and bullying that would occur regardless. I didn't like the area I grew up in, and there would be no getting away from that at that age - it made a huge difference what class I was in in terms of making friends vs being bullied.
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  #15  
Old 8th September 2020, 16:55
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Perhaps a more interesting question would be, if you could choose between going back and having another go at your life, or never being born at all, which would you choose? Personally, I'm not sure.
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  #16  
Old 8th September 2020, 17:24
Mo34 Mo34 is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I sometimes wish to to be able to start over again rightly or wrongly, as I would do things differently. It's a difficult one though cause I guess things could end up worse!

Still my learning from my mistakes/circumstances/avoidance might mean ending up better off and not as I am now - knowing I'll never have a home, never have a family or be part of a family again, never have a really decent job/career/income, and not be able to do a lot of the things I might wish to have done.
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  #17  
Old 8th September 2020, 20:36
humphrey humphrey is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Yes I would go back. I would do the things I was too frightened and timid to do. I don't think things would be much worse than they are now.

I would have changed careers and jobs earlier, instead of being stuck in a job that you do until retirement kicks you out, no prospects, no hope of prospects, I just seem to have be treading water for the last 5-6 years.
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  #18  
Old 9th September 2020, 19:23
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
Perhaps a more interesting question would be, if you could choose between going back and having another go at your life, or never being born at all, which would you choose? Personally, I'm not sure.


Going back with hindsight = insanity
Going back without hindsight = would anything change? No idea.
Not being born at all = unknowing



I'd settle for a decent, rest of lifetime future any day.
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  #19  
Old 10th September 2020, 00:00
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I think going back with the consciousness of a middle-aged woman would make it more difficult to bond with my peers, so I might have ended up worse off as a result given that I struggled a bit anyway. So maybe not? I wish I could go back to the beginning of university, and as a minimum after I'd been kicked out. I lost my confidence so quickly after that. I needed to get help a lot sooner with quite a few things. I was 100% not prepared for the real world, had no idea I was likely not neurotypical, blamed myself all the time for my struggles (I'd had a good start in life, what excuse did I have?), felt generally ashamed. Ugh.

Imagine getting my act together enough to buy a flat. Even if I'd had some kind of breakdown later, I could have just rented it out and moved back home. When I moved back home I felt like an utter failure and further unfortunate events (on top of everything else) basically made me give up on life in a way.
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  #20  
Old 10th September 2020, 09:43
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by choirgirl
I was 100% not prepared for the real world, had no idea I was likely not neurotypical, blamed myself all the time for my struggles (I'd had a good start in life, what excuse did I have?), felt generally ashamed.
Same. I only found out this summer (after 45 years) I have Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's in old money) on top of the SA. It's been a powerful realisation and I blame myself for rather less, now.
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  #21  
Old 10th September 2020, 13:17
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I think it would be pointless for me to go back to being 14 again as by then the damage had already been done. If I had the same set of genes, personality traits and was in the same environment surrounded by the same people with their own hang up's then I know it would be impossible for me to react differently and to change the path I was on, even with the benefit of hindsight. I'm sure I would make the same sort of mistakes and end up with the same old regrets.

Sure, I wish I had studied a lot harder at school, gone to university and persevered with my Nurse training but for that I would have had to start off as a young child with a healthy level of self esteem rather than an excessively shy and timid one who already had feelings of worthlessness.

I shouldn't have been born at all but I can't bring myself to wish for that when I now have a wonderful husband and son in my life so it's more constructive to focus on what is possible - to find contentment during the years I have left - than to ponder pointlessly on how different things could have been if I could turn back time and not be me.
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  #22  
Old 10th September 2020, 18:38
Orwell20 Orwell20 is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

If I couldn’t change things, then 100% no, no, no. I’d rather not have had to endure my life once let alone go through it twice!

If I could change things, probably still no. I would need a different temperament/ personality type (harder, tougher, more confident, extrovert, sociable, etc), and also a different home environment. But life is just so ****ing horrible and difficult that on the whole I’d say it’s better never to be born.
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  #23  
Old 17th September 2020, 15:33
Jwalk Jwalk is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Yeah I'd definitely take the chance and start again at 14. I pretty much regret every major decision that I made after that point.
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  #24  
Old 19th September 2020, 11:49
Seagull Seagull is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DiamonD
If i could go back to being 14 with the attitude i have now then i think i would give it a go. There are things i would do differently. I would defo "come out" earlier, try and stay in School and give it my best. And i would have told a few people exactly what i thought of them instead of just taking their shite.

Let's hope some time in the future someone invents a time machine so we can all go back to which time we desire and have a wee bit of fun along the way
Plus you could buy those saucy black leather slacks, D!

Many moons ago my dad filmed his mum about a year before her death, a sit down interview about her life, the last question “Would you do it all again if you could?” Her immediate answer: “Oh no.” She had no anxieties as such, lived through two world wars and had quite a life, but we’re obviously all different.
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  #25  
Old 15th October 2020, 20:15
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

Actually, on second thoughts, I would. I might not be so messed up! Also, imagine the advantage of knowing what's going to happen in the wider world. And I would know more about my limitations. I used to have dreams that I was back in school, but as an adult, because I wasn't a successful adult and thus for some reason had to be back at school, and it was a nightmare. It would be super weird.
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  #26  
Old 16th October 2020, 20:22
Gosties Gosties is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I really don't know it's such a difficult question to answer without a great amount of thought.
I feel a bit more comfortable now than I have for a long time. I don't particularly care whether people like me or not it's not a thing I can affect. Like one of the other posters I was non-communicative until I was about 4.

I've no relationship with one of my parents due to issues and it has affected my relationships ever since. The bullying through primary and secondary had a detrimental effect which has lived with me ever since in regards to trust. I also had a group of so-called-friends which in hindsight were anything but. All these things have contributed to my social anxiety in one way or another.
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  #27  
Old 16th October 2020, 21:14
Finlay Finlay is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I'm a bit half and half too. It would be nice to see some old faces again, see my parents younger and fitter, and maybe right some wrongs with the benefit of hindsight. I've always felt like I'm mentally about 15-20 years behind my actual age, so I think I'd make a good teenager I'm in my late 30s and it's only recently I've starting asking people out (one knockback, one turned into my girlfriend). This is stuff I should've been doing back then, but I'm only doing now. I could start exercising and training better at a younger age. It would also be nice to live in the 90s again. Always felt like that was my decade. The 00s, which was supposed to be my decade because I was in my 20s and it's when I should've been partying and living life to the fullest, I already felt quite disconnected, like I was already a man out of his time (a bit dramatic, sorry) .

But would I want to go through my terrible acne in my teens again, and then go through watching my hair start to slowly thin and recede in my early 20s? No amount of hindsight would stop that. And what if it meant I'd never meet some of the folk in my life that, for good or for bad, have meant something to me.

I'd also feel bad for having to watch my brother go through school and his teens again too. He arguably had a worse time of it than me, and it would be even more sad to see him go through it again - at the time I was probably a bit too wrapped up in myself to properly notice all the crap he was going through. As a more empathetic (I think) grown up, it would be all the more heartbreaking. But then again, maybe that's where I could change things: be a better brother, a better role model for him.

I dunno, it's a good question. I always used to think it would be a yes, but now I'm not so sure. It would be nice to visit, like a day trip, but to be back there permanently and starting again? Hmmm, not sure.
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  #28  
Old 17th October 2020, 12:06
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

^I wish I could go back and do the latter part of the 90s again. Stuff was right there for the taking. There were definitely some good times, but it could have been so much better, even with anxiety. I felt the same in the noughties, already out of my time, never really adapted to the 21st century and it's odd mix of ideologies. It actually occurred to me, that getting to the university I went to, and meeting the people I met, that was all good. But I went wrong after that. So I could also make an argument for 18, although I would already be messed up. I always had this narrative that my life went wrong because I messed up university and got lost after that, (and my ego was so wounded by that failure) but that's not really the case.
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  #29  
Old 17th October 2020, 12:16
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

"Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now." ― Viktor E. Frankl
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  #30  
Old 17th October 2020, 17:18
Gosties Gosties is offline
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Default Re: If you could go back, would you?

I also had the issue when going to Uni that I did not fit in which was more down to my own issues than my peers. They seemed like a good bunch and the option for friendships would have been their. The damage in Primary and Secondary School had already been done by that point and I was reluctant both to interact and engage with them. I ended up leaving Uni after a couple of years which has affected my career as a result. I was not mentally in the right space at the time to deal both with the education and social aspect of Uni.
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