People walk all over me!!

[shygirl2010]

Hi. I have a real problem with standing up for myself. I'm really quiet and shy and when I look back people just walk all over me because I let them even my partner. Does anyone have any advice? I find on the odd occasion I do stick up for myself the other person just starts an argument and goes on and on and the last thing I want is an argument.

Please reply
Love Shygirl xxxxxxxxxxx

[Wolfy15]

Trouble is people with SA hate being the centre of attention so public arguments or more stressful for us as it can trigger our SA, also we develop a type of inferiority or basic we know we're at a disadvantage due to our SA and we give in easy, your partner wants kicking to the kerb get someone who will respect and value you and help you to cope with your SA not use it as a way to manipulate you... Have you seen my post about ASAP?

[newbs16]

If your partner is being unkind to you maybe you should say that he should be more supportive, I don't mean to sound horrible but your partner hasn't been the best boyfriend, or husband in the past.

It's nice that you've sorted things out but he should be nicer to you, after all you could've left him months ago.

[Ro26]

One good way to handle an argument is to go very calm and stern. Just say: "I am not speaking about this issue with you until you have calmed down and are willing to discuss this where both sides can voice their feelings." They may get more angry but you go really quiet and don't reapond again to anything they say and even walk away. I understand that may be extremely difficult but practice it overtime. I have SA and took me time to be able to confidently be stern and shut down an argument, but once you learn how to do it you will always have the upper hand and the more calm perspective, trust

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

I can relate, as a child and teenager I was incredibly easy to walk over and unfortunately at times I am as an adult. There's definitely an element of the "freeze" and "fawn" (people pleasing) responses in relation to being walked over.

Reading this thread may give you more clarity - Link here - http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=92746

[Wolfy15]

We shouldn't use the term walked all over use, just because we have got SA and we are hindered more when it comes to arguing, when I was on a yts at 17 a superviser said I let others walk all over me, he was a bully in is late 30s, he later said you can stick up for yourself infront of other people, then I got mad and reply I stick up for myself, anyone with a mental health condition can be at a disadvantage in this respect

[Wolfy15]

Sorry ment to say can't look after yourself can you, infront of other on scheme

[Wolfy15]

What I do is go into the angry mode, show aggression, you tend to get insecure types who are week, and try to belittle others to make themselves look big or powerful, if you put on an angry grimish and square up to them they become submissive

[Wolfy15]

Don't bye into the I'm 20 men illusion, people walking about like there 20 men, a lot of them or week individuals who make out their not, which is OK by me as long as they don't bother me, these or the type who try to belittle others to make themselves look tough, thing is some people bye into thinking their not to messed with as they put on a good front