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#1
7th October 2020, 09:58
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Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
Has anyone read any books on helping with our minds, whether that's specifically to do with SA or anything else that's unhelpful, that actually helped them?
I'm just starting Happy by Derren Brown and am looking at the Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters. I guess I'm looking for self-help books that can actually help! Links: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Parad...dp/009193558X/ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-More-...dp/0552172359/ 
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#3
7th October 2020, 11:10
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
Thanks.
I really liked Lost Connections by Johann Hari and it did inform me on a lot of things, but it didn't really help me personally. Will add Happiness Trap to the list.
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#4
7th October 2020, 14:16
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
This was a book I remember being recommended here years ago, which I did find interesting to read.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/096...2076284&sr=8-1 Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe: Working Through Social Anxiety by Signe Dayhoff
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#5
7th October 2020, 15:49
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I liked The Chimp Paradox and I found it helpful, not just with social anxiety and avoidance, but also with just understanding what is going on with me sometimes! I have an ACT book I have been putting off working through because it looks HEAVY. 'Get out of your mind and into your life'. But can't recommend, because I've been avoiding doing the exercises.
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#6
7th October 2020, 16:20
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle). A bit New Agey, but he's a cut above the usual Deepak Chopra, money-making bull**it. The guy is intelligent and sincere, and this is still the best book I have ever read on mindfulness and meditation.
The Divided Self (R D Laing). Had a huge impact on me, motivating me to be more honest and authentic, to stop adjusting my personality to suit other people, etc.
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#7
7th October 2020, 19:46
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
"Healing the shame that binds you" - John Bradshaw. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Sha.../dp/0757303234
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#9
8th October 2020, 13:56
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I read one about ACT after seeing it recommended on here last year, but I can't remember the name of it now. I think it was by a Welsh man and was about what he'd learned from teaching university students. What I do remember is that the first half was very good and then it sort of dwindled out and became repetitive. I would definitely say it helped me though since it triggered a conversation with my therapist and then we started on ACT together and made progress that I'm still benefiting from now. I think if I'd just read it and not followed it up with anything it would have been a case of feeling positive about changing for a short time after finishing it, then quickly forgetting that feeling and nothing ever actually changing, which is what I think a lot of these kinds of self-help books do. Many of them seem to have a "read this and you'll be cured" vibe to them, but obviously it doesn't work like that.
A few weeks ago I read an article about a young man who had terminal cancer. It turned out he'd died the day the article was published, and I found it very inspiring while reading it and that feeling lingered for a few hours afterwards. I had the sense that I would learn something from his words... but I had completely forgotten about reading it since then until I started writing this post a few minutes ago. That's what people do though, isn't it? Like when someone close to you dies and you think well that's it, I'm going to make the most of life from now on since we don't know how long we've got and it'll be over before we know it, but then after a few days you're doing exactly the same as you were before since that feeling has left you. I think a lot of these books probably result in the same thing.
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#10
8th October 2020, 18:45
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
^I think you're right. It's very hard to transform insight into lasting behavioural change. It's very easy to slip back into old habits. But if something does precipitate a mental shift, an unblocking, that can be helpful. The Chimp Paradox did for me, it did help me cope with work better and be a bit more patient with myself. And discovering internalised homophobia was a thing and reading some of the literature on that certainly unblocked some stuff. Yes, I have been living under a rock for my entire life. Yes, it would have been useful to know about that about a bazillion years ago.
But then one might say, has anything in your life changed? Do you feel more motivated? And I'd have to say, no, and no. So the insight is the first part of it, the end of the beginning, as it were, not the beginning of the end. The change is hard, if it's not hard it's probably not doing shit. A nice article about how you never know how long you've got has never helped me even though intellectually I know it's true. Even people dying on me young hasn't helped me. Even thinking (wrongly) I was at death's door once hasn't helped me. Sometimes I think change is a sort of spiralling towards improvement- you get better, then you get worse again, but if you're moving forward overall then maybe you're getting better. But then something else can happen that ****s things up again. So I don't know.
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#11
9th October 2020, 13:28
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
True, life is a journey of ups and down.
I get a lot of insights from books, I think, but I rarely ever put stuff into practice. Part of me thinks that if I read enough, some of it will sink in, but really I should just spend more time trying to do what they say than take things in my osmosis. I wonder if anything can make a long term change? They say our personalities rarely change over time, based on those personality assessments.
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#12
13th October 2020, 00:36
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
We're All Mad Here by Claire Eastham. I find her writing style very bubbly and easy to read. She is very good at making anxiety feel normal and it was refreshing to read a book that gave support and advice without shaming you for being the way you are.
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#13
11th April 2021, 01:14
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I Never Said I Loved You by Rhik Samadder. There was one key quote that stood out to me in the whole book. It was something like "feeling depressed is not like a tin of Rolos where everyone is fighting to get the last piece. There's more than enough to go around" It made me laugh and broke through a lot of the shame I was feeling about my social anxiety and depression. I internalise a lot of my feelings and one of my biggest problems relates to blaming myself whenever things don't go well. I Never Said I Loved You is quite a harrowing read but Rhik Samadder writes well and he uses a lot of humour that takes away how painful it must have been for him to write this book because of his experience.
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#14
11th April 2021, 01:16
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I have been recommended this book:
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-.../dp/0141978619 Has anyone read this? What did you think of it?
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#16
11th April 2021, 18:13
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I have spent lots on self-help books over the years with little behavioural change to show for it. I still enjoy the ideas discussed in them though and at this point don't ask them to justify their value any more than someone would who enjoyed mystery books or historical romances. For a long time I used to read blurbs for books and think "this is the one that will change things" and then the same for the next books, I went chasing magic bullets for a long time.
When I think of a book that genuinely helped me the one that springs to mind is a memoir about a woman who tries following the advice of a different self-help book each month in an attempt to change her life. Getting the audiobook and hearing her read it herself made it a lot more enjoyable. She was so open about sharing anxious or neurotic or triumphant thoughts on the ups and downs of her journey it made me realise that lots of people have trouble with their inner dialogue/ inner critic which made me feel better about my own situation. A while after I read the book I discovered she was running "Writing For Fun And Sanity" workshops on Zoom which were sort of group journaling workshops combined with conversation. I did quite a few last year and they were quite therapeutic and a kind of company during lockdowns (I live alone). Anyway the author is Marianne Power and her workshops are on Eventbrite.com, while the audiobook can be found at https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Help-Me/dp/B07CTTSHSJ/ It's more of a lighthearted book than some of the others mentioned here (a few of which I have read, like the Signe Dayhoff one) but I have returned to it several times when I needed a cheering up and always left feeling more that my failings are typical human ones and not my unique awfulness.
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#17
11th April 2021, 19:23
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
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It is a bit of a heavy read because it discusses people with serious illnesses or at the end of their lives but it's very interesting.
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#18
12th April 2021, 11:29
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
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I think I've learned my lesson now but still get seduced by a new book/approach every now and then. But mostly I just set my expectations low and hope that a book will help me get 1% "better" at something.
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#20
17th April 2021, 16:35
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
I haven't read it (yet), so I'm just putting it out there, and while this book can now be considered old, it's regarded as a classic in the field:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Help-Y...s%2C147&sr=8-1
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#22
25th April 2021, 16:38
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
^ good call, misanthrope. I have been looking quite heavily into Stoic Philosophy and how it can help navigate life's troubles in recent months. Marcus Aurelius' Meditations is indeed probably the best starting place, apart from a good introductory guide to the subject.
I've found this a great app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/d....dailystoicism (I use it daily and bookmark my fave quotes) Some examples of juicy-looking books on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lessons-Sto...s%2C145&sr=1-1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stoicism-Ar...s%2C150&sr=1-1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/39525069...NsaWNrPXRydWU= https://www.amazon.co.uk/Daily-Stoic...81257655&psc=1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Think-L...s%2C154&sr=8-1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/More-Than-H...9364860&sr=8-3 There are a number of other such books which attempt to apply Stoic wisdom to modern daily life!
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#23
25th April 2021, 17:05
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Re: Books that helped with your SA or anxious thoughts?
Quote:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcome-So...9366403&sr=8-1
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