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  #1  
Old 18th May 2022, 13:37
The Devil, Probably. The Devil, Probably. is offline
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Default Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

It might be a particular show, or a city, or a family experience, or even a mood or mindset, that you miss now that you are old. Pictures are welcome too, if you wish to share.

I know some might be tempted to answer that they miss nothing, and others may remark that only today and tomorrow exist so leave the past alone, blah, blah, blah. Those are valid points but this thread is specifically about things we miss about being young now that we are old.
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  #2  
Old 18th May 2022, 13:48
Nanuq Nanuq is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

The things I miss are physical health and the ability to do certain things.
And a quite hard sensation to describe, but just the feeling that most of life is in front of you and is mostly unknown. So a kind of excitement for the future?
There's no real specific places I miss, maybe nightclubs and pubs with friends. Maybe Wales, because it was a nice time to live there, it had quite a hippy vibe.
I probably go to nicer places now though.

What about you?
Oh, maybe my sister. Even though she was horrible to me, and even my brother. I'm in touch with them, but very rarely and there's no familiarity any more.
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  #3  
Old 18th May 2022, 13:51
anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is online now
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Over 30 isn't old!
I guess I miss the empty, naïve optimism. I used to think that things would somehow work themselves out. Now it feels like a slow, lonely, irrelevant decline is my only option. I've even lost interest in the things that I used to get excited about. Like music and being around people. I don't see any hope in the future. We are being led to disaster by liars, sociopaths and incompetents, but nobody has the will to fight it. It all feels inevitable.

Last edited by anxiouslondoner; 18th May 2022 at 13:51. Reason: typo
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  #4  
Old 18th May 2022, 14:04
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

^ Same.

The excitement of going to arcades while on holiday, back when they had proper 10p/20p games. New episodes of Knightmare on a Friday teatime, or even just repeats. Getting a quarter of coconut mushrooms from the sweet shop (can still do that, but it's not the same)
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  #5  
Old 18th May 2022, 14:14
Tonkin Tonkin is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Having disposable income, no responsibilities. I do sometimes miss clubbing and getting wasted but it came with a lot of other negative stuff so it's definitely rose tinted glasses.

I'm probably stronger, fitter, and healthier than I was back then but I definitely feel like time is running out to sort things out, or that it will soon be too late to get on the right track, or avert impending doom, or something like that....
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  #6  
Old 18th May 2022, 14:47
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I miss being a child and just being able to throw on shorts and a t-shirt and a pair of sandals in hot weather without any thought or preparation. Oh and speaking of that I also miss playing in a paddling pool.
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  #7  
Old 18th May 2022, 14:52
LittleMissMouse LittleMissMouse is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I miss that sense of optimism about the future, still being young enough to start new things and not being plagued by having that feeling of being so far behind in life.
I know a lot of that was probably driven by being naive, but still, I miss the youthful optimism.
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  #8  
Old 18th May 2022, 15:23
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Being able to run around and climb things just for the fun of it. You'd get the police called on you if you did that as an adult, unless you had a sensible grown-up reason for it, like... eurgh... exercise.

Hard to believe that there was once a time when I'd spend a portion of each day bouncing around the place. Do kids still bounce around the place?
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  #9  
Old 18th May 2022, 15:25
AuroraSky AuroraSky is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I used to enjoy the simplicity and lack of information overload. If you are talking about very young, I miss that music would really move me emotionally and now the feelings/responses aren't as strong. But if you are talking about young adulthood, I used to love going to either Borders Books or Tower Records and browsing the American magazines like Details, and also one of the early coffee culture chains called Seattle Coffee Company that sold up to Starbucks eventually. A bus into Glasgow, a latte, one magazine and two hours in the Internet cafe was a good day for me. I used to like a couple of hours in the Internet cafe ran by the EasyJet guy. In theory now I am better off I can get any book from Amazon or loads of magazines from newsstand.co.uk and I have decent speed broadband whenever I want at home, but the combination of impulse shopping and information overload means I don't always feel much better. It's a bit like that experiment where they give people six jams to choose from, and they're happy with their purchase. Then they give a different group of people twenty-four to choose from and they get frustrated and can't decide on any.
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  #10  
Old 18th May 2022, 15:28
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

^^ Maybe that's why some people become tree surgeons.

Pogo sticks and space hoppers!
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  #11  
Old 18th May 2022, 17:11
Marco Marco is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

^ I used to have a pogo stick and a space hopper - great fun!

I miss a lot from my youth, too much to list (youthful optimism definitely being one); but at the same time I don't think I'd want a rerun.
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  #12  
Old 18th May 2022, 17:45
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Some of the things others have said, like naive optimism, the feeling that my life is an unwritten book, that I'll find my way in the world, not being massively out of step with my peers, that I'm not stagnating/decaying. Certain aspects of my looks. Higher people tolerance. Stronger response to music/the arts. Actually feeling hope, actually feeling I was in my life (even if I wasn't entirely and I'm so angry about that but I digress.)

When my sisters and I were all home for Christmas and we used to stay up late into the night playing MarioKart on the SNES with the Christmas tree lights on in the background.

If you mean earlier, then there's loads.

My mum being alive and well.
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  #13  
Old 18th May 2022, 19:05
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I miss having things in the days to do and life actually had a meaning to it. Summers were hot but not unbearable so i'd sit out with other kids in the street listening to our music or playing some kind of game. Hopes and dreams for the future were things to look forward to.

having things that you were passionate about. My main loves were Music and Aussie Soaps. Such excitement and happiness came from hearing a new song or album from Kylie, Dannii or the Stock Aitken Waterman Hit Factory. Dancing, singing, drawing, dreaming of big things to come when i "Grow Up".

Fast forward 30 years and life is anything but exciting or happy. I'd go back in a heartbeat!
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  #14  
Old 18th May 2022, 20:36
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

My childhood coincided with the 1980s, and my adolescence with the 1990s. Frankly, life was pretty horrible from around seven or eight. I had an avoidant personality disorder and was so crippled with fear that I could hardly move. Fear and shame are my main memories.

That said, I do miss a few things:

- Hope. When you are young, no matter how sh*t life may be, you still have hope. Life is all ahead of you, and there is a lot of it – or there seems to be. It's only when you hit your 30s that you realise how short life really is. To make things worse, time speeds up.

- Intensity. When you are young, the lows are lower but the highs are higher. Now everything is a bit meh. I often had moments of intense joy and excitement, usually over the most trivial things.

- Sense of reality. For various reasons (low level depression, too much isolation, lack of sexual intimacy, declining testosterone, a slowly rotting body, etc), the world seems less and less real. When you are young, however crap life may be, things at least seem to matter. You feel intensely here, and things seem intensely there. People, places, events, all seem to have weight and significance. I sometimes wonder if depersonalization and derealization are a natural part of ageing.

- Peace. Every year the world grows more noisy and stressful. Rabbit hutch houses keep being jammed onto every bit of scrap land, and the roads seem to be busier and busier. I also miss living in a world without mobile phones and 24-hour news.

- Physical health. I miss being able to sleep properly and being able to eat whatever I liked. I also miss going to bed and not waking up at 2 or 3am either needing to pee or having just had a nightmare – or both (usually both).

- The past. When I was 18 or 25, I had very little past. Now, at 45, it's a horrible burden pressing down on me. As you age, you accumulate a lot of shame, guilt, regret and trauma. And it grinds you down. Plus, of course, you can never go back and put it right. Thankfully, as I age I seem to be forgetting a lot of my life, which is fine by me.

More generally, I can't think of much I miss from the 1980s or 1990s. Most TV, music and film was rubbish. It still is (and always has been – it's only ever a minority of stuff that's any good). I feel kind of sad that the WW2 generation has passed away. I met several extraordinary people from that era, who'd done amazing things. I met a Dunkirk veteran, for example, and a relation who was at D Day. You'd be at a wedding and someone would casually mention that the old fella in the corner had fought at El Alamein, or been shipwrecked in the Indian ocean, or parachuted into occupied France, or something. Remembrance Sunday in the 1980s was so moving. As a kid, I remember seeing WW1 veterans laying wreaths. Now even the WW2 veterans have gone.

That said, I wouldn't go back. Well, I would, but only if I could be a completely different person.

Oh, thinking about it, I do miss the big movies of the early '80s. The cinema was a magical place to me then. Stuff like Ghostbusters, Return of the Jedi...all those big '80s blockbusters bring back happy memories.
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  #15  
Old 19th May 2022, 01:33
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

The feeling of looking forward to things. Building up anticipation for a game, or a film, or a new series of something good on TV, over a matter of months. Nowadays there's just such a relentless influx of stuff to consume, with everything becoming stale in a matter of days/weeks before the next thing gets hyped, and if you don't keep up with it all FOMO rears its ugly head. Nothing feels special anymore.
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  #16  
Old 19th May 2022, 10:50
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I don't know if others can relate, but I miss is the possibility of escaping shame. When I was young, I felt horrendous shame – shame at living with my parents, at not having a sex life, a social life, a job, and so on. I was surrounded by people who'd known me all my life, and I felt like they were watching me and laughing at me. Well into my 30s, I fantasized about moving away and starting again. And in this new place I would reinvent myself. Nobody would know about my shameful past. I would be able to relax and grow.

I did try and leave home. At 19, I went away to university, but couldn't stand it. I never got over that failure, and from 19-38 it tormented me. Even at 38 I was still convincing myself that I was young. Then, as my 40th closed in, I sort of gave up. I couldn't live in denial anymore. I had to face the fact that it was game over – I'm not a mixed up kid trying to find his way. I'm not a student dropout. I'm a middle-aged man who lives with his mum and whose youth is over. The hope of living without shame pretty much dominated my 20s and 30s. It was the thing I clung to, the thing that motivated all I did (or was going to do but couldn't). Now that has gone, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have any motivation anymore.
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  #17  
Old 19th May 2022, 13:11
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

being able to move about quickly in an agile way,
I always quite liked doing physical things,

oddly enough,. i also quite liked the relative anonymity that childhood can give,
you'd think that as you get older, it's easier to be anonymous,?

but i think that you are now expected to be an adult and do adult things, and look and think about things in an adult way,
whereas, I really don't,... but i can see people's expectations growing and people's impatience growing as I get older,
almost as if they're thinking.. "when are you going to actually grow up?".. lol

when you are young, you never get that,. you are relatively free from expectations as far as your behaviour goes.
you can come and go and no-one really bats an eye.

now, it's like,. "oh, here's a fully-grown adult coming,. he'll have something to say for himself?"............... ........ .....
" erm,.. okay,. maybe not. "
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  #18  
Old 19th May 2022, 13:26
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
I don't know if others can relate, but I miss is the possibility of escaping shame. When I was young, I felt horrendous shame – shame at living with my parents, at not having a sex life, a social life, a job, and so on. I was surrounded by people who'd known me all my life, and I felt like they were watching me and laughing at me. Well into my 30s, I fantasized about moving away and starting again. And in this new place I would reinvent myself. Nobody would know about my shameful past. I would be able to relax and grow.

I did try and leave home. At 19, I went away to university, but couldn't stand it. I never got over that failure, and from 19-38 it tormented me. Even at 38 I was still convincing myself that I was young. Then, as my 40th closed in, I sort of gave up. I couldn't live in denial anymore. I had to face the fact that it was game over – I'm not a mixed up kid trying to find his way. I'm not a student dropout. I'm a middle-aged man who lives with his mum and whose youth is over. The hope of living without shame pretty much dominated my 20s and 30s. It was the thing I clung to, the thing that motivated all I did (or was going to do but couldn't). Now that has gone, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have any motivation anymore.
Did you not finish your degree later? I seem to remember you saying you have a degree.


I also tried to go away to university but I didn't even get as far as starting the course, just the environment was too much, and it did feel like failure. But I came back home and got a part time job and then applied to do an art foundation course and from that I got onto the fine art degree course at the local college. Because the people going there were a mix of younger people who hadn't wanted to go away to uni and older people who were coming back into education the feeling of failure at not being able to manage at uni lessened a lot for me. Even though I still struggled a lot there I did manage to finish the course.
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Old 19th May 2022, 14:07
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

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Originally Posted by Dougella
Did you not finish your degree later? I seem to remember you saying you have a degree.


I also tried to go away to university but I didn't even get as far as starting the course, just the environment was too much, and it did feel like failure. But I came back home and got a part time job and then applied to do an art foundation course and from that I got onto the fine art degree course at the local college. Because the people going there were a mix of younger people who hadn't wanted to go away to uni and older people who were coming back into education the feeling of failure at not being able to manage at uni lessened a lot for me. Even though I still struggled a lot there I did manage to finish the course.
I ended up doing a degree at Essex in literature and history. But I never got over the failure to leave home, go away and have the proper university experience. Looking back now I don't feel too bad. It was like wishing I'd been world heavy weight champion. It wasn't a question of weakness, or failure of nerve. I just couldn't have done it. And if I'd forced myself I'd have had a nervous breakdown. At 18, I wasn't "just a bit shy" or in need of more confidence. I was in the grips of a personality disorder.
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  #20  
Old 19th May 2022, 14:17
Tonkin Tonkin is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
I was surrounded by people who'd known me all my life, and I felt like they were watching me and laughing at me. Well into my 30s, I fantasized about moving away and starting again. And in this new place I would reinvent myself.
I've sort of felt like that, I think.

I felt like I had to escape the people who knew me as the version of me they knew wasn't the version of me that I wanted them to know, if that makes sense.

Like "he's the quiet guy who likes this or does that".

Each time I moved (uni, work, abroad, back to the UK, etc), it did feel freeing to leave behind people who saw me in a certain way, and it did allow me to start again and take what I'd learned to start a new, as a better version of myself, without being in the constraints of how others saw me.

It never completely solved my problems, and it did having its downsides (leaving people behind) but it did help I think.

A normal person would just integrate the things they'd learned into their current life, without having to move away.

But I couldn't do that.

I sort of feel that others see me in a certain way. And that I can't change from how I think that they see me. Even thought I really have no idea how others see me!

Now I'm fixed where I am so I have to just get on with it. Plus I think now I'm older, moving on wouldn't be the fresh start and new opportunities it once was.
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  #21  
Old 19th May 2022, 15:24
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

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Originally Posted by Tonkin
Now I'm fixed where I am so I have to just get on with it. Plus I think now I'm older, moving on wouldn't be the fresh start and new opportunities it once was.
I'm pretty much stuck as well. And moving away at 45 is very different to moving at 25. If I left now, all I'd find is loneliness. When you're 25, most people in your age group are single, childless and looking to make new friends. At 45, most are raising children. They've done their socializing and growing. Now they just want to focus on the kids – and maybe get a Dominos on Saturday night.

I get by, mainly by keeping everyone who knows me at arm's length. A couple of years ago I ran into an old schoolfriend in town. I hadn't seen him for over 20 years, and I was wearing a woolly hat, but he still recognized me (god I hate that). I never liked him much; in a mild sort of way he even used to bully me. But he was all smiles. He then got in touch with another school friend I know, who phoned me and suggested the three of us go for a drink. This second friend is an obnoxious show off who has done well since leaving school. He doesn't drive and would have expected me to pick him up! As he was jabbering away, all I was thinking was "if you expect me to drive to your house, pick you up, then sit in a grotty pub somewhere for three hours while you brag and make me feel sh*t, you must be a complete imbecile. You've got more chance of the Queen giving you a piggy back."

Even today, at 45, I'm still on edge that some ar*ehole from my past will suddenly pop up. It does make me sad sometimes. I often wonder what I might have been like had I been able to move away from my home town. I also wonder what it would have been like to get away young and live without shame. If I'd gone to Australia at 25, say, and reinvented myself, who knows where I'd be. Still, there's no guarantee I'd be happier. Plenty of confident extroverts end up miserable – they marry the wrong person, set up a business that fails, etc.
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  #22  
Old 20th May 2022, 19:44
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

^ I'm not sure that's entirely true, not everyone has kids. Some people are married or in relationships after 35 but others aren't. You can always look for groups or activities to do where you might meet people with similar interests, there are sometimes community groups you can get involved with etc.

It certainly is nice to live in a place where you know you'll never bump into anyone you went to school with.
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  #23  
Old 21st May 2022, 22:32
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I was talking about this with one of my (few remaining) friends some years back. We both liked the idea of starting somewhere new, just like when we went to university, except this time we'd be mature (ish) adults and we could present ourselves differently. I mean, I know everywhere you go, there you are, but it's an appealing thought.

I don't think I ever expected to live without shame, especially as time went on. I suppose I was more in a mindset of 'feel the shame and do it anyway', just once I can er build up the confidence once more. Tonkin's way is how I would have had to do it. I do rather regret not doing the TEFL thing in my 20s (even if my interest in it started as a respectable way to fill in a period of drifting, plus some overly complicated way of coming out to myself.) I ended up inspiring someone else who did quite well with it.

I did have a similar experience as you Moksha with the mid to late 30s thing, although I decided to concentrate on not being destitute or homeless in future as my guiding light. I suppose I hadn't entirely given up on things even if I had officially given up on some things. I suppose I did see myself as a youngish adult who hadn't quite got it together yet, who still needed to catch up, even though that was ridiculous. It was the only way I could bear to think of myself.

There is something very yikes about bumping into people from school.
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  #24  
Old 22nd May 2022, 17:23
Professor Willow Professor Willow is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

What do I miss from my youth?

My grandparents, Sunday lunch at nan's followed by the afternoon working on a model railway with my uncle and cousin, energy, better music, living in house that was far enough away from the neighbours that I could listen to music at full volume, going to school, having disposable income, sleeping properly.
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Old 23rd May 2022, 19:49
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

^That sounds lovely, Prof
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  #26  
Old 23rd May 2022, 20:02
Quietman Quietman is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

I miss nothing really, school was utterly awful and family events just caused embarrassment and anxiety.

I guess the only thing I do miss is my Nan I used to love going to see her in the school holidays and helping her in the garden, she would then cook me a turkey breast for tea.
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Old 23rd May 2022, 21:09
The*Crafty*Elf The*Crafty*Elf is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quietman
I guess the only thing I do miss is my Nan I used to love going to see her in the school holidays and helping her in the garden, she would then cook me a turkey breast for tea.
That sounds lovely, my friend. I wish we could choose a time and freeze it so we could all have a happy life.
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  #28  
Old 23rd May 2022, 22:12
Lee S Lee S is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merritt
Do kids still bounce around the place?
They do if you hit them hard enough.
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  #29  
Old 26th May 2022, 18:57
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Old people over 30: What things do you miss from your youth/ being young?

When UK English was still British-sounding (don't get me started).
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