How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Consolida]

^ Aww text your sister and tell her how awful you are feeling and let her phone you back. You couldn't feel worse than you already feel so talking to your sister will only leave you feeling the same or far more likely you will feel a little bit comforted and relieved that you've confided in someone who loves you xx

Take care Nanuq

[limey123]

Sorry you're feeling so rubbish, Nanuq. Wish there was something we could tangibly do to help. Long Covid really sucks (my sister and bro-in-law are suffering from it, it's hit their breathing, too). But I believe the medical people are starting to learn about it, so hopefully they'll very soon be able to help you more. Sending hugs your way!

[Mo34]

^ hope you start to feel better Nanuq


I'm so tired. I'm glad it's a bank holiday, wouldn't have fancied work today. Just had a snooze on the sofa, with the cat waking me up for some food

[Professor Willow]

I'm feeling uncharacteristically aggressive today and I don't know why. It's not a nice feeling and I wish it would go away.

[Consolida]

^ Hormones? Something you've eaten? A full moon? Frustrated with life?

I hope the feeling soon passed and you now feel more relaxed

[Mo34]

Still tired
Took my car in and had to get the bus back. I'm starting work in 7 mins so just made it..
Got supervision, pdp , training, drop in and then straight after my counselling session. Definitely won't be picking the car up today me thinks.

Quite fancy just going back to bed tbh.

[Consolida]

^ I hope your day is turning out to be a much better one than you thought it would Mo

I'm feeling awful and haven't even got out of bed
I'm focusing on all that is wrong in my life and the world rather than on all that is good. But that's how it goes with depression I suppose. I've started to dwell again on how thoroughly disappointing my search for my birth family turned out to be. I wasn't prepared for the fact that they wouldn't be remotely interested in me although I can't think why because it's the story of my life when it comes to people. Definitely having a woe is me day

[Percy]

Hope you feel better soon consolida.

[Blackflies]

Awful. My mum has no respect for my privacy constantly in my room moving things whenever I’m not in there. She’s known I have OCD all my life and it’s beyond her to just give me any personal space. I feel like my choice to be private has and always will be devalued. I feel pretty out of control at the moment anyway without her adding to it by removing what sense of control I do have. She’s also been telling our relatives private things despite me asking her not to. I just hate that I can’t be open with what I say or be liberated to leave my safe space undisturbed because I know it won’t be. She knows how I feel but ignores it anyway. It’s a trivial thing but I’ve struggled with it since I was a child. She was informed the reasoning by psychologists and to this disregards it. It suffocates me.

I feel triggered today also by someone’s social unawareness. Constantly messaging if they’re irritating me, if we can meet despite me blanking or insinuating I have stuff going on. I don’t but the point is the invasive feeling it brings. I probably should block but I don’t have a reason to. But not doing so leads to feeling impolite. I just can’t imagine doing the same behaviour back yet I’m always the odd ball with most associates. I feel like I’m more socially aware than half these people I talk to yet I’m always the one with behavioural issues.

[Mo34]

Hope you feel better Consolida

Originally Posted by Consolida

^ I hope your day is turning out to be a much better one than you thought it would Mo

Oh I wish. Just had an intense drop in, where people came a long at a staggered pace, either upset, panic attack, having issues with other service users, low mood. Normally it's quite jolly. Today was draining managing it all.

No phone call about my car. don't know if that's good news or bad. :/

[twosocks]

Relieved and content. Having eye contact with someone in my personal space can give me a panicky deer in the headlights feeling, it's something i thought i would always contend with for the rest of my life and recently not only has that feeling not occured but i've even felt comfortable and relaxed.
I could air punch at having an actual example of connecting with someone without me getting too spooked.
It's one of those one small steps for man but giant leap situations. I just hope i remind myself of it being possible if it comes back.

[Consolida]

^ Nice one twosocks


Thank you everyone for the kind feedback to my previous post.

[biscuits]

^^ aww, that was lovely to read, twosocks

^ Oh, Consolida, so sorry that things are hard with your sisters at the moment. It must be such a difficult thing to navigate the behavioural rules/boundaries for you all and must be bumpy at times.

I don't mean this disrespectfully to your sisters, but damn... they really have no idea what they're missing out on!

I hope it continues to go well with the sister that you feel more connected to

[Consolida]

^ Aw thank you, as always, for your kind words Biscuits

[Ben]

^ Hugs NeverWas.


Hope you have someone you can speak too

[Blackflies]

^^

Hope you'll be okay and find some form of contentment.

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^^ People who don't respect your boundaries, especially when you spell it out to them, are beyond infuriating. Sorry you're having to deal with that, Blackflies

Thankyou for your kindness. I can laugh about it later but in the moment it always feels like such a violation. Plus there never seems to be anything in between being polite and irrational. I'll try to be as polite as I can but then it gets to a point of turning into a loon for 5 minutes.

[biscuits]

Really strange. This week my anxieties have been really bad and I’ve been waking up at about 3am with worries and struggling to eat food. This evening I managed to eat a meal and was really pleased about that, but my stomach is not so pleased. I’ve got really bad cramps :/. Why don’t you want food inside of you?

I just feel really weird and floaty... like the normal part of me has shrunk down to the size of pea and it’s floated to the top of my head and the rest of me feels really strange. Not sure how else to describe it!

[Consolida]

^^ You've described it very well Biscuits

It's been an incredibly difficult year and I think it would be strange if we didn't suffer with bouts of feeling mentally and physically awful. Stress is so toxic and it can take a long time for the body to start feeling okay again. Continue to try and eat small nourishing meals when you can and spend lots of time chilling out with your fur babies and this time will pass x


I'm feeling very sore. I walked on the treadmill for an hour earlier as quite clearly inactivity isn't doing my legs any favours but now I feel even more achey so I'm going to take some painkillers and distract myself with a film.

[biscuits]

@ No Longer Human - thank you for sharing that you relate to what I said, sorry that you experience a similar feeling. It feels very strange! Nope, I'm not on anything at all (I don't like to take medication - for basement level reasons).

That's an awful feeling when you are suddenly struck by everything all at once like that ^ NLH. I just woke up in a cold sweat with my life worries. All I can say is, you're writing yourself off there - past and present isn't the future. But I don't wish to make you feel like you have to defend what you've said about how you feel. I just hope something nice happens for you to give you a lil hope

@Consolida - thank you - yes, you're right. I can feel a build up of stuff inside me. Now I'm getting Instagram adds about people putting patches on their feet to suck out all the toxins. (Kind of want to try it.)

I hope you get some answers about your legs and find some relief from the pain. It might be worth writing a polite letter of complaint to the GP about how dismissive they are with the mention of reporting it. They might get their bums in gear. They should make a referral.

@GirlAfraid - aw that's good that your new friends are having a hopeful and positive change in how you feel

[Consolida]

^ Hmm, if you decide to try it, let me know if the sucking toxins out of your feet helps in any way? Call me cynical Biscuits, but unless there's solid evidence the jury's still out for me on that one


@ No Longer Human Such an evocative and moving post


@ GirlAfraid It's great to hear that you've met some people that have cheered you up. Yes, you're right about not raising your expectations too high but we all do it, and there's nothing wrong in hoping that the people that you meet will bring something positive to your life

Oh, I've been taking Ibuprofen painkillers for the leg pain but I'm not sure that it makes an awful lot of difference. But I'm seeing a Doctor tomorrow so fingers crossed he/she will be able to help me (yeah right!).


Feeling incredibly lazy and unmotivated. Nowt new there then

[Percy]

Yes, good luck consolida

[Consolida]

^/^^ Thank you Nanuq and Percy

Today has been one of the worst ever pain wise. I've been Googling my symptoms again and have convinced myself of all sorts. I hope the Doctor can perform miracles.

[Toxic]

^^ If Google was right I'd already be very far gone with heart failure!

It's a dangerous rabbit hole, I sometimes wonder if half my current issues are because I basically spend every free minute trying to self diagnose myself and I've ended up making it all so much worse

Good luck not getting a crap doctor who thinks your just making it all up (I'm starting to get the impression from my doctors tone on thursday..he thinks its all in my head)

[Percy]

Sorry to hear you're having problems kooky monster.

[3stacks]

I always feel a deep void inside of myself. I try to fill it with food but it's not working lol

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[Alone.]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

I'm feeling squiffy, got a right tummy ache that won't bugger off. I'm stressing out about how many assignments I've left myself to do at the last minute, and that's being made worse by the fact that I'm worried about my cat. Can't be sure if she's eaten something she shouldn't have or not.

Maybe stress is causing the tummy ache. I remember my job before te pandemic was stressful and I had tummy aches off and on that I thought I must have IBS or something. I remember a constant tummy ache dissapearing one evening I decided to go to the cinema.

Since I was made redundant from the job due to covid lockdowns my constant tummy aches disappeared. Now I barely get stomach aches, I also changed my diet, but I feel it's the stress that brought most of it on.

[Tembo]

@Kooky Monster - I hope your assignments go well, and that you feel better soon.

@3stacks - sorry to hear you feel you have a deep void! I suppose at least it’s food which you are using for comfort rather than something stronger!

————-

I feel like I’m getting nowhere with absolutely every aspect of my life. At least a few years ago, I felt like there was hope. There still is hope, but I’m running out of patience. I’m really scared about the future, as I’m sure I’ve said hundreds of times on here like a broken record.
I want to be happy. I want to feel alive.

[Consolida]

Thanks everyone who wished me good luck with my Doctors appointment. I've written a boring update on the 'How are you feeling physically' thread so I won't go on about it here.

@ Kooky Monster - I hope the tummy ache is now no more, that your cat hasn't eaten anything she shouldn't and that you manage to catch up with your assignments x


@ 3stacks - I can relate to feeling the deep void inside of yourself and also of trying to fill it with food. As void fillers go, it could be a lot worse as long as the food isn't too sweet or fatty

@ Tembo - I remember when you were really beginning to make a lot of progress and you'll get to that point again. The World has spent over a year struggling with a Pandemic (sorry I'm sure you already know this ) so don't be too hard on yourself. It's been a stressful time for everyone, and especially for SA sufferers, so try to be gentle on yourself. You're start to stride forward again


Stressed, stressed, and stressed.

I'd just taken some painkillers for the wretched legs and was preparing to get ready for bed when one of my cats started acting completely out of character. She was pacing around the house crying then straining to pee. She was obviously in pain as there was some blood, so we called the out of hours Vet's immediately.

So, at 11pm we are at the Vets. She's been given antibiotics and painkillers and I'm really hoping that it's a simple case of Cystitis or some other UTI. If it's not that it may be a stone or the worst case scenario a Tumour. She is my son's beloved fur baby that he has had since he was 5 so I'm going to hope it's Cystitis and not even allow my mind to contemplate the worst case scenario

[Mo34]

^ Hope your fur baby is ok UTI's are quite common in cats so hopefully that's all it is.

---------
Just had a lengthy and surprisingly honest and helpful chat with the lady at the Richmond Fellowship. Told her that the Psychologist/ATS still haven't got back to me since 1st week of Mar and that I'm pretty sure now that it's PD or PD traits etc.. from the things she said. She's going to contact the pathfinder clinician to look into my notes and see what's going on/has been said/decided/diagnosed. Also brought up my referral for an ASD assessment so if I can find the letter with the contact details she's going to enquire where about's I am on the waiting list. I kind of hope that I don't get an assessment until there back doing them face to face. Surely over zoom can't be as effective?
She's referring me for peer support with them, don't know what I think to this but will give it a go. And is going to send me some DBT workbooks/stuff. I'm not sure if DBT is something for AvPD/SPD (if this is indeed what I have traits of). I usually hear it associated with BPD. But don't suppose it will hurt.
Just gotta wait and see what the pathfinder clinician finds out in my notes, I want to know whilst simultaneously don't want to.

[Consolida]

^ Thanks Mo
She seems back to her old self after her late night trip to the Vets. The long acting antibiotic injection they administered seems to have fixed the problem so I'm guessing it was an UTI.

The chat with the lady at the Richmond Fellowship sounded like it went well.
It's sounds like it's quite a slow process to get the correct diagnosis but it's obviously important not to rush these things so that you don't risk getting misdiagnosed.