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  #25531  
Old 29th January 2022, 12:04
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Virtual music collaborations. I think it's here to stay and is really practical but I wonder how it influences the sound and vibe of music produced as I imagine, even if it's live, there is some form of detachment in the collaboration. Also seeing this I think, although my generation would disagree, it also probably makes the music less refined in some ways as the environment is perfectly optimised for making music like a studio would be.

If future musicians decide to collaborate more in the same place together but use a lot of technology still, how would that influence their music.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYvCate..._web_copy_link
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  #25532  
Old 29th January 2022, 12:21
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Mainstream or more popular music feels fake in a way.

I am listening to a song that a producer I am into helped to produce, however the rap artist is getting so much respect for being so versatile when other unknown producers have actually helped make the track. It's like the popular person is the label but the track isn't really his. Idk it's confusing.
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  #25533  
Old 29th January 2022, 13:31
Mellie Mellie is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Miss my friend who disappeared from Facebook cos of my mental health. Fml
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  #25534  
Old 29th January 2022, 23:09
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

I am weak.

I am going back to my old workplace tomorrow. I feel the fact that dirty looks intimidate me make me a weak person in a way.
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  #25535  
Old 30th January 2022, 06:17
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^ You most definitely aren't weak. You've clearly tried your very best and it takes a lot of strength to admit that something wasn't right for you and to return to your old workplace. In time, I'm sure you will find a job that is a much more comfortable fit for you.

No one should be giving you dirty looks but if they do, and you feel intimidated by that, it doesn't mean that you are weak but rather a sensitive soul - which quite frankly the world needs more of.
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  #25536  
Old 30th January 2022, 13:40
Percy Percy is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mellie
Miss my friend who disappeared from Facebook cos of my mental health. Fml
Sorry to hear your friend disappeared because of your mental illness Mellie
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  #25537  
Old 31st January 2022, 00:52
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

First day at old job. I have decided anytime I finish past the time I could get a tube train home I am getting cab rather than night bus. This is more expensive but I guess self care on my part. I also am going send my uniform to the laundrettes to be wash and ironed just for more efficiency.

After today I don’t think I want this job long term but if I’m to find a new job I think it actually has to be something that is better and something I have worked towards. My colleagues were dating home I’m lucky that we don’t finish at 4 or 5 am like pre covid times but why would I want such a life? Why should work even be a contest on how hard you work?
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  #25538  
Old 31st January 2022, 00:54
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Sat here at a quarter to 1am, despite trying to get to sleep at 10.30pm. I’ve been aiming to get to sleep by 10.30/11 on work nights for years now, but I’ve never been able to do it.

I really am just wondering what the point of bothering to go to work tomorrow is. And then just come home, eat dinner and watch TV, then spend hours trying to get to sleep. Then do it again. Then spend most of the weekend not really doing anything because I can’t be bothered.

I know life can never be perfect. But surely it should most of the time be happy and joyful. It shouldn’t mostly be just boring, tedious and stressful. There are certainly times I’m happy and where I’m doing things I enjoy, but it’s definitely not most of the time. I’ve felt like this for years, and don’t know how to change it. There seems to be lots wrong with my brain, and some of it I find impossible to put into words.

Of course, some will say that’s just life and I need to get on with it, which isn’t exactly helpful or inspiring.
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  #25539  
Old 31st January 2022, 10:36
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

You are not sleeping because you are probably putting too much pressure on yourself to sleep 10:30 pm. Look up sleep restriction.
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  #25540  
Old 31st January 2022, 12:49
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

How family abandon you during mental illness. Whilst my granny was here an uncle who apparently saw me when I was 5 years old came and visited.

I contacted him recently about my mum he promised he would call and no call. I’m not requesting a call from him but when you are struggling others don’t care if they aren’t affected, even family. But I guess that’s human nature.

My mum sleeps all day cause of her meds it’s like her life is wasted in the schizophrenia. It makes me feel that acting nice with certain family members feels like it would be fake of me because I feel they could try to support my mum more. But maybe I should find forgiveness as I haven’t always felt like I can help my mum. But then if I had a highly disabled or mentally ill child would it be moral to not support them fully.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7-w6c-ybwXk&feature=share
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  #25541  
Old 31st January 2022, 12:52
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^^^^ You're right, life isn't supposed to be boring, tedious and stressful most of the time. I think lots of people do have lives that are like that and it's not right, it's just the way things are currently set up. You having negative feelings or reactions to it is natural, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, there are a lot of things wrong with the system!
I know it's been mentioned elsewhere on the forum recently but "Lost Connections" by Johann Hari is a very interesting book that says a lot about this subject.
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  #25542  
Old 31st January 2022, 13:39
The Devil, Probably. The Devil, Probably. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Human life is best thought of as "malignantly useless". This is detailed in the book " The Conspiracy Against the Human Race". The conspiracy being that we all conspire to distract one another from the sheer absurdity of being here and bothering at all with life. Life being overwhelmingly a negative experience when the facts are considered. .

Even if one is "happy" it doesn't much matter. There's nothing noble, purposeful or of merit in happiness - one is still an accidentally existing bag of meat, indiscernible from the other billion bags of meat, soon lowered into the grave.
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  #25543  
Old 31st January 2022, 13:52
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tembo
Sat here at a quarter to 1am, despite trying to get to sleep at 10.30pm. I’ve been aiming to get to sleep by 10.30/11 on work nights for years now, but I’ve never been able to do it.

I really am just wondering what the point of bothering to go to work tomorrow is. And then just come home, eat dinner and watch TV, then spend hours trying to get to sleep. Then do it again. Then spend most of the weekend not really doing anything because I can’t be bothered.

I know life can never be perfect. But surely it should most of the time be happy and joyful. It shouldn’t mostly be just boring, tedious and stressful. There are certainly times I’m happy and where I’m doing things I enjoy, but it’s definitely not most of the time. I’ve felt like this for years, and don’t know how to change it. There seems to be lots wrong with my brain, and some of it I find impossible to put into words.

Of course, some will say that’s just life and I need to get on with it, which isn’t exactly helpful or inspiring.

I don’t agree that life is just hard and tough. It certainly can be but I think if you can find an aspect of your life that you can control life becomes easier. By control I don’t mean you control it by force but by your motivations.

I know some people use gym to have control over one aspect of There life and this isn’t always in a way where they push theirselves past the limit, sometimes they start off gently knowing that the gym is paying off slowly then push theirselves more if they feel the motivation too and have acquired the knowledge and discipline to.
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  #25544  
Old 31st January 2022, 13:55
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

You don’t have control over others. I actually think some of my sadness and frustration stems from expecting stuff from certain people but then if you have no control over then why expect something?

You only have control over yourself and can influence others I guess.
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  #25545  
Old 31st January 2022, 14:16
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.
Human life is best thought of as "malignantly useless". This is detailed in the book " The Conspiracy Against the Human Race". The conspiracy being that we all conspire to distract one another from the sheer absurdity of being here and bothering at all with life. Life being overwhelmingly negative when the facts are considered. .

Even if one is "happy" it doesn't much matter. There's nothing noble, purposeful or of merit in happiness - one is still an accidentally existing bag of meat, indiscernible from the other billion bags of meat, soon lowered into the grave.
I disagree, we are here so we may aswell be as happy and as purposeful as we can manage. And we can also spend our lives continuing to learn.
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  #25546  
Old 31st January 2022, 17:46
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing_special_2501
You are not sleeping because you are probably putting too much pressure on yourself to sleep 10:30 pm. Look up sleep restriction.
Good point. This is useful for others to know who may also be struggling to sleep. However I don’t think this is true in my case. It doesn’t matter if I put pressure in myself to sleep or not, I have always struggled sadly. But I may have another look into this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The*Crafty*Elf
I've come to realise that that is just life. I know that isn't helpful at all and i really do sympathise with you and i 100% understand what you are going through.
I can only speak for myself but life for me is something that is endured and not really enjoyed. It's something i struggle to get through on a daily basis. Having little, simple things to look forward to make it slightly more bearable.
It definitely has a lot to do with getting older too and losing hope. When you are young the whole world is aimed at you but as you age you slowly start fading away into the background until eventually you will become invisible.
Life and ageing really are some of the cruelest things
I’m sorry to hear life can be a daily struggle for you! I hope you manage to have lots of little things to look forward to.
Getting older can certainly make these feelings worse, but there is always hope. In my case, I’ve felt like this since being a teenager. I was never a typical teenager, and I now regret that partially.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dougella
^^^^ You're right, life isn't supposed to be boring, tedious and stressful most of the time. I think lots of people do have lives that are like that and it's not right, it's just the way things are currently set up. You having negative feelings or reactions to it is natural, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, there are a lot of things wrong with the system!
I know it's been mentioned elsewhere on the forum recently but "Lost Connections" by Johann Hari is a very interesting book that says a lot about this subject.
Thanks Dougella

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.
Even if one is "happy" it doesn't much matter. There's nothing noble, purposeful or of merit in happiness - one is still an accidentally existing bag of meat, indiscernible from the other billion bags of meat, soon lowered into the grave.
I disagree with this, and perhaps strongly. You have a point - at the end of the day we are just randomly created beings who will all end up dead eventually. but like Dougella says we might as well make the most of it, enjoy life, be good to others and try to make a positive difference. If we say that we are just bags of meat, it gives an excuse for us not to care about others possibly.
And even if I am just a bag of meat, I wouldn’t mind being a “happy” person. That would be quite nice I imagine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nothing_special_2501
I don’t agree that life is just hard and tough. It certainly can be but I think if you can find an aspect of your life that you can control life becomes easier. By control I don’t mean you control it by force but by your motivations.
I didn’t say that life is just hard and tough. I said I felt like that most of the time, not all the time. There are definitely moments of happiness in my life, but relatively rare and increasingly so it seems. I appreciate there are people who do feel like it *all* of the time though, sadly. (Sorry, wasn’t having a go, just wanted to make it clear I don’t feel like this all the time).

I agree with your other point. Having some control/motivation would certainly help me. I wish I could have some motivation, but I just take each day as it comes which isn’t really good for my long-term future. I’m very jealous of those who have very clear goals, and work hard to get there. I’m just aimless.
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  #25547  
Old 31st January 2022, 18:08
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tembo
Good point. This is useful for others to know who may also be struggling to sleep. However I don’t think this is true in my case. It doesn’t matter if I put pressure in myself to sleep or not, I have always struggled sadly. But I may have another look into this.

I didn’t say that life is just hard and tough. I said I felt like that most of the time, not all the time. There are definitely moments of happiness in my life, but relatively rare and increasingly so it seems. I appreciate there are people who do feel like it *all* of the time though, sadly. (Sorry, wasn’t having a go, just wanted to make it clear I don’t feel like this all the time).

I agree with your other point. Having some control/motivation would certainly help me. I wish I could have some motivation, but I just take each day as it comes which isn’t really good for my long-term future. I’m very jealous of those who have very clear goals, and work hard to get there. I’m just aimless.
Yeah I responding to a response to your post but wasn't direct. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word just though. I don't know if you need that much motivation to have an aim. Motivation alone disappears over time, so something else is needed. It's probably a false belief of this current culture. This is a recent vid I watched on going gym whilst depressed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApGNwaPASv8

About the sleep restriction thing, there are other solutions. I watched this guy whit I had sleep problems and sleep restriction actually started to help me during that time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlPt...uZjx4QSbZAtQy9
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  #25548  
Old 1st February 2022, 12:03
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Musicians and their sense of purpose, not popular musicians, but talented ones. It feels like they must get enough validation that they are more at peace with who they are and feel less need to prove theirselves.

I know things aren’t this simple though.
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  #25549  
Old 1st February 2022, 13:55
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

I'm thinking that it would be nice if I had siblings or at least a friend for support. Other people seem to have a whole network of people that are always there for them. Still, I shouldn't complain because I know I'm incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband and son.
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  #25550  
Old 1st February 2022, 14:07
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^ I can relate with this. My family don’t seem supportive they seem distant hence I made a post the other day about how I thought immigration probably spoilt my family or maintained certain issues.

I think I use the internet too much.
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  #25551  
Old 1st February 2022, 14:52
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^ Having read your posts it does sound like you and your mum haven't received very much support at all from other extended family members which is terribly sad but unfortunately all too common in so many families whether they live in a different country or only a few miles away.

I don't really have any extended family of my own to speak of and my husband's family lives a long way away but would help if they could. My mum's sibling hasn't visited her for 2 years and only lives 15 minutes away! I told a Nurse how I wish I had siblings to share some of the stress and worry but she said in a lot of families you get one sibling who does everything and others who can barely be bothered to lift a finger
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  #25552  
Old 2nd February 2022, 13:53
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Sorry I keep taking up space commenting on here, but it’s one of my few outlets. I’m very annoyed and frustrated with myself at the moment.

At work we are being encouraged to do extra training for qualifications, and many other staff members are really keen on doing it. I’m not. I just want to come in, do my job, and go home. Doing extra training would involve taking time during my evenings and weekends, and I just don’t have the motivation or energy to spend extra time doing intense work. Even if I was given some time at work to do it.

I really wish I had loads more motivation to work hard. I just don’t. I feel if I spend any more time working, I will push myself over the edge. I feel I’m really struggling to balance on the edge as it is.

I am envious of my colleagues. They are perfectly happy to spend their weekend doing online training courses. They also work longer hours than me, and many of them have families and do lots of other stuff out of work. I don’t know how they do it. I am genuinely fearful that if I push myself too much I will go to a very dark place.

I am so fed up with being like this. I’ve always been like this, from school through to university. I have no motivation to do anything more than the basic things required. It’s not as if I don’t want to work, and do a good job.

I feel if I was around in the Victorian times, I would have ended up in a workhouse and dying in a cotton threading machine at 30.
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  #25553  
Old 2nd February 2022, 15:33
Tubbs Tubbs is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^^ Very well said. I have never been able to work, therefore I have huge admiration for SAUKers who are able to have jobs and careers. I can't imagine for one moment that it's easy. If I worked then I too wouldn't want anything work-related to eat into my free time, fck that!
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  #25554  
Old 2nd February 2022, 15:58
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

^^^^ I totally agree with everything that The*Crafty*Elf and Tubbs has said to you Tembo.
You should be proud of yourself for continuing to go off to work every day as it's something that a lot of us SA folk struggle with and sometimes are no longer able to do. Give yourself lots of credit for your continuing bravery! When it comes to feeling that you have less motivation and drive to pursue gaining more qualifications, well, I imagine if your more confident work colleagues felt the intense anxiety that you perhaps find yourself dealing with on a daily basis then they might not have the energy to do much more than the basics either.

Try not to compare yourself to those lucky folk who don't suffer with debilitating social anxiety because you are doing the very best that you can despite your SA and us guys at SAUK think you are brilliant Tembo



Today I'm thinking about how sad it is that people, especially families, fall out over such petty things, and usually for reasons they've long ago forgotten, and will go for weeks, months, even years not communicating until it's almost too late. Life is so bloody short, even for those of us who will live into old age, and far too much of that precious time is wasted over meaningless bickering and grudges. From now on, I'm going to endeavour to be a kinder person....or at least always try to say 'I'm sorry', after I've shared a particularly harsh word with a loved one.
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  #25555  
Old 2nd February 2022, 17:53
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The*Crafty*Elf
How bare our front room looks now the tree has come down
What about an Easter tree?

@Tembo, I agree with everyone, you're doing great
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  #25556  
Old 2nd February 2022, 17:56
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

@Consolida I don't even know why my son wants nothing to do with me, he changes his mind depending on who asks.
I just get very sad when I think of the 2 grandsons I used to know and love and the other 2 he now has who I will never meet.
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  #25557  
Old 3rd February 2022, 11:56
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azalea
@Consolida I don't even know why my son wants nothing to do with me, he changes his mind depending on who asks.
I just get very sad when I think of the 2 grandsons I used to know and love and the other 2 he now has who I will never meet.
That's really so sad to hear, Azalea, and my heart goes out to you

I know nothing will make up for the time that you've lost but hopefully when your grandchildren are older, if not before, and are able to make their own choices they will be a part of your life again.


Families - indeed most humans - can be so strange and it saddens me how so many people wait until someone is gravely ill before making the effort to see that person when it would have meant so much to them to have seen those people while they were well
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  #25558  
Old 3rd February 2022, 19:21
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Thank you all for the replies to my comment. It really does mean a lot!
I perhaps should give myself more credit maybe.
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  #25559  
Old 6th February 2022, 11:49
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

I need a thick skin. Going back to work I have been told to relax quite a few times, it’s very annoying for me. I also feel sometimes like some people at work are fake. But it’s understandable, I notice if I have a haircut people treat me better and on occasion say hi. I haven’t had a haircut, I don’t want one and have allowed my beard to grow though I can’t grow a full beard. I notice people are not as nice. It feels like a huge lie that people accept you if you are yourself in society hence people can put in masks or think good behaviour means conforming to society, especially in hospitality. I think people do accept people that are themselves but when the person has learnt to be assertive as assertiveness really gives one the room to be theirselves as they can communicate on a more even level with others. Aggressiveness, to me, looks like compensation for something.

On Friday I had to work in another hotel branch to mines. It was to serve a staff party. I noticed a girl that was bubbly and not afraid to dance was well liked. She was working with me but was nice to everyone. At the end upset that she lost her phone, and not afraid to cry about it although she got her phone back. This was in contrast to another person I worked with, she didn’t seem as popular but seemed to want to be around the loud girl and would be cold towards me and another person. I notice this pattern, I think the second girl I talk about wasn’t authentic and probably insecure, the dancing girl was confident though she probably does have insecurities. It’s like the belief that people that can fight don’t feel the need to prove it and are actually calm, compared to others that feel more need to prove they are tough.

I’m trying to limit my internet use. So far it has been good though I realise work stress makes me feel the need to use the internet.

I notice my sleep and time keeping is better without the internet. But it seems so expected to look at the phone screen in public that it can make me feel even more awkward, like when I was doing keto. At work during slow periods everyone is on their phones as well. But then we can do other things like read, play a game during slow periods but that would stand out so now I think I’m just going to read a kindle. I actually paid for a dopamine detox challenge where a coach checks up on me weekly.

I think dopamine detox challenges/ internet detoxes are still in their infancy and it shows because my coach knew that I would need the internet so tried to email me plugins to block certain websites and stuff whereas a few years ago it seems popular advice, not mainstream advice though, could’ve been to cut out the internet or use a dumb phone temporarily.

But healthy internet use is going to become a huge thing in the future I think.
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  #25560  
Old 6th February 2022, 12:14
Alone. Alone. is offline
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Default Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azalea
@Consolida I don't even know why my son wants nothing to do with me, he changes his mind depending on who asks.
I just get very sad when I think of the 2 grandsons I used to know and love and the other 2 he now has who I will never meet.
I haven’t read all the comments so may come across ignorant. But last week I seriously decided that some relatives in this country are not really family members. They came whilst my granny was staying here but never come to check on my mum. Apparently it’s cause my mum lies that she isn’t at home if they come but that just sounds like a pathetic excuse. They may have had genuine reasons and are only human as well though. But if they really cared they would have put more effort into trying to support my mum.

But I think my awkwardness, not knowing how to deal with social situations, feeling uncomfortable around kids is partially because my mum is socially isolated and then I’m expected to know how to look after her. It’s almost like since my teen years I have been expected to know how to raise myself without advice from others.

My friend seems to not take it seriously when I tell him about family issues. I guess that we probably didn’t have a healthy relationship. I have came to the conclusion that maybe I have to accept we aren’t close again, we mainly communicate on WhatsApp. I also feel, it may not be rational but I feel this way, my family issues are serious to me and if someone dismisses them as not being a big deal they can’t be my friend again. I have no friends but am thinking of joining a men’s group and looking into therapy or counselling on assertiveness. I think I want people where we can have deep, genuine conversations.
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