Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[Alone.]

Originally Posted by Azalea

@Consolida I don't even know why my son wants nothing to do with me, he changes his mind depending on who asks.
I just get very sad when I think of the 2 grandsons I used to know and love and the other 2 he now has who I will never meet.

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Tubbs

^^ Very well said. I have never been able to work, therefore I have huge admiration for SAUKers who are able to have jobs and careers. I can't imagine for one moment that it's easy. If I worked then I too wouldn't want anything work-related to eat into my free time, fck that!

I'll second that

[biscuits]

he must have been so frightened

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Lee S

Feeling very sad that the little lad trapped down a well in Morocco has died. R.I.P

Poor little chap

[Alone.]

Originally Posted by Tembo

Sorry I keep taking up space commenting on here, but it’s one of my few outlets. I’m very annoyed and frustrated with myself at the moment.

At work we are being encouraged to do extra training for qualifications, and many other staff members are really keen on doing it. I’m not. I just want to come in, do my job, and go home. Doing extra training would involve taking time during my evenings and weekends, and I just don’t have the motivation or energy to spend extra time doing intense work. Even if I was given some time at work to do it.

I really wish I had loads more motivation to work hard. I just don’t. I feel if I spend any more time working, I will push myself over the edge. I feel I’m really struggling to balance on the edge as it is.

I am envious of my colleagues. They are perfectly happy to spend their weekend doing online training courses. They also work longer hours than me, and many of them have families and do lots of other stuff out of work. I don’t know how they do it. I am genuinely fearful that if I push myself too much I will go to a very dark place.

I am so fed up with being like this. I’ve always been like this, from school through to university. I have no motivation to do anything more than the basic things required. It’s not as if I don’t want to work, and do a good job.

I feel if I was around in the Victorian times, I would have ended up in a workhouse and dying in a cotton threading machine at 30.

Some may feel similar to you but hide the feeling. This is why I have planned that most times I finish work after 12am or after the tube closes I’m getting a cab rather than night bus and to also take my work clothes to the launderette to wash and iron. It’s actually abit pricey to do the clothes thing so idk if I would keep that up but it’s freeing up my time out of work to do more stuff that I want to do at least. Also maybe your job isn’t truly what you want to do hence training feels like too much. Then also I think excessive internet use can make tasks feel more overwhelming. Idk if there has been research into this but I think feeding ourselves excessive information can probably affect how we process stuff.

[Alone.]

Work makes me angry I think. Not the job itself but certain colleagues. I’ve noticed since I joined back.

But then it’s also my perspective on certain things. I can see why I am awkward in social situations and stuff, it’s to do with the environment I grew up in minus suspected autism. Yesterday night I came to a conclusion that I need therapy or counselling to come to terms with my issues, work on improving them as well. But it seems I have to really accept my issues to improve them in a healthy way where I’m not over compensating or creating other issues.

Like not knowing how to react to jokes, small talk and stuff, being quiet makes me come across like something isn’t right with me to people who see me but haven’t actually spoken to me. It makes me feel like most people that look messed up are probably not as messed up as they look if you get to know them. But it’s hard to put in the effort to know someone, it’s like you have to have worked in your own mental health I think.

[Appear]

Being able to work from home is a Colonel Sanders-send, but at the same time I think it leaves me feeling like I'm in some Groundhog Day loop where I wake, work, watch Netflix and wepeat. Though is that just standard office life? I thought I was escaping this fate doing another degree in something else...

I've not actually seen Groundhog Day I don't think...

[Alone.]

Quitting my job but I need to have something better in place. Better for me. Maybe for now I need to find a job where I might work alone. I’ve been at my job, the money is alright but it’s like soft skills count much more than your quality of work.

I might even consider a night shift job. But I need to get the job before I resign.

[Alone.]

I have to pluck the courage to job search and interview whilst on working. My job isn’t doing anything for my well-being.

[Consolida]

I think I must have the most horrible GP/s in the Country

Once a month they phone me to review my prescription for Lorazepam as I'm only being allowed to have it on the understanding that I am tapering off of it. I've gone down from 3 mg to just over 1/2 mg since the Summer but have once or twice had to hold for a month at a time as it's been such a stressful time. I'm ashamed to say, that on a couple of nights over the past week or so I ended up taking an extra bit of Lorazepam when my mum looked so ill I believed that she wasn't going to survive until the morning. To be on the safe side, I told my GP when she phoned me at my mum's house on the the mobile that I wanted to continue having a prescription for 1mg of Lorazepam. She knows about my personal circumstances and how stressful things are at the moment, but she was really abrupt with me (like a teacher talking to a child) and started going on about me having been on 1mg for a month or so and how she would have expected me to have cut down more than that by now. I told her I was sitting by my mum's bedside and passed the phone to my husband who had a few cross words with her. I've been trying so hard to taper, with zero help from the GP, but they just never stop hassling me. Seriously, if I didn't have my husband and son I'd tell the Doctor to shove the Lorazepam where the sun don't shone and then jump off the nearest tall building.

[MissKatie]

That my company is taking the piss.

Although we are contractors, I can run their systems side of things on my own, but instead I will be paid in March 50p an hour less than a brand new starter who doesn't even know how to read a price ticket.

20 years of experience, 5 in systems to be paid less than a new starter.
Great...

[Alone.]

I have wasted a day off work out of feeling bad. Thankfully though I got to speak to a therapy service and a counsellor so would go through with the treatment. Maybe I have to tolerate the feeling that I’m treated badly for now as therapy or counselling seems more important and if effective would lead to a better lifestyle.

[biscuits]

^^ are you in a union, Katie? (Nearly typed onion hehe)

^ that's great (the part where you're setting up some support)

[Alone.]

Maybe the solution is to unfollow my relatives and maybe even block them on social media. That sounds ott. But I am infatuated with one that I haven't met in real life who has made it obvious that she doesn't want to be as close and the other seems disinterested. This really isn't a big deal, but it has felt like a big deal to me. I think she has even maybe blocked me but lied about losing her phone as the same phone number is on her business page.

I got super attached to a colleague in a former job around 2018. I have actually gotten over that I feel as I don't think of her daily again. But this cousin I am infatuated with took over this ex-colleagues attachment and seems harder to get over because she is family but I have never met her in real life. But family it's like it's harder to cut them off.

Yesterday I actually spoke to my one friend I feel is growing apart after a year. Since I haven't needed him for this past two weeks really, it made me question if I thought we were closer than we are. He was a good friend but it was an unbalanced friendship. I use to share so many problems with him. The gap has showed me that I don't have to.

Maybe a similar logic applies to me and my infatuation with my cousin? I need to learn that maybe I like my cousin but I can stand alone and don't need her?

[Mr. Nobody]

Wondering when, and why? Mr. Putin is going to drop the hammer.

According to latest reports, this Wednesday is looking like a go'er

What a strange world we live in,.. at the mercy of petulant tyrants who probably have more psychological problems than any ordinary Joe bloggs on the street.

One person, " in command " of hundreds of thousands of people,..how does something like that even happen?

I'm not sure who is worse, us "sheeple" or the power-hungry tyrants who direct and decide what direction our lives will take?

[Percy]

I don't believe in karma

[Dougella]

^^ I think the UK and the US aren't being truthful and are exaggerating Putin's intentions, to be honest.

[Percy]

^We shall see come Wednesday

[Alone.]

Accepting that I’m unpopular or uncool.

[Mo34]

Procrastinating (as usual). One of my colleagues is going on maternity leave in April. We've all been offered her hours (17 in total) everyone's declined the full 17 so it's going to be split up across whoever's willing to do some extra.

Can't make up my mind whether to offer to do some on wed afternoons. I only do 10am to 2.30pm and so could do the walk in the afternoon that E does. Question is do I want to or am I taking on too much. Esp. as recently I've been moaning to friends about wanting to leave! I don't love the job and at times it's a proper struggle but the extra money would be nice.

Wish I wasn't so fickle.

[Alone.]

I feel a bit guilty with my realisation that I don’t like most people.

I think most people find me boring but then I don’t show much interest in people either. I don’t dislike people though, feel uncomfortable around some but it isn’t personal. Maybe liking certain people grows on me over time???

[Alone.]

That the gym is a safe place to practice assertiveness in a way. When you see certain people making certain faces to workouts. I’m not there yet, but that requires some amount of confidence or assertiveness to do. I think assertiveness is a way of being.

[Mellie]

Thinking about how much I have been through past 5 months and how I was treated in hospital, never again .. going to sort my life out and watch when I go unwell.

[Mo34]

On a Wed I run a blended group from the village hall. Walking down there this morning I ran into one of my old neighbours. Well, what can I say, a right bundle of news. I'd already heard that the guy who had moved into my old flat was another heavy cannabis user and the place stank etc... But J today was saying how bad it all is. Apparently he's a young lad and had (up until the last couple of weeks as he's now been tagged) drug dealers in and out and hanging out/staying at the flat. Just a constant stream of people/strangers. Fighting, arguments and all sorts. He keeps nicking stuff - scooters etc.. and bringing it back to sit outside. It all ended with some kind of full on episode where he (the lad) was outside hitting people including girls, where even my old neighbour who played the loud music and was threatening to me went out to him. Ending up with them being both arrested. The guys now tagged. Feel so sorry for j and B who are left living there. It must be hell.

My old a hole neighbour is a lot calmer seemingly but skint and back to his mum paying for everything and doing everything for him, he apparently got sacked from his last job. J was saying that he (well both of them) have their curtains shut till midday and don't get up. he watched my old a hole neighbour stagger out midday up to Tesco's no doubt stoned as hell and back to his pit.

Strange to think that 10/11 years ago when I first moved in to there it was so quiet. Funny how quickly things can change from just 1 or 2 individuals. Glad i'm gone.

[Dougella]

^ Sounds like your old neighbour is getting a taste of his own medicine with the new one! But that sounds awful for everyone else there.

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ Sounds like your old neighbour is getting a taste of his own medicine with the new one! But that sounds awful for everyone else there.

It does a bit doesn't it!
But yeah I do feel for everyone else. I was nigh on ready to have a breakdown living there, I would never have coped with 2 of them. J is hoping to move. B wants to but is more stuck unfortunately.

[Dougella]

^ Your childhood street is now full of heroin addicts?

[Dougella]

^ That's so sad.

[The Devil, Probably.]

How people tend to argue that pain without higher consciousness, i.e. "animal pain", isn't so bad. I wonder whether it has all along been the opposite. It's impossible to know what pain means to an animal of course, even to another human, really. Though in the latter we can deduce from sounds and signs and imagine ourselves in those shoes. However maybe only animals ever know pure pain - without the "pain relief" of context, reflection, of knowledge of it likely passing soon, etc. I don't think anyone sane thinks animals don't feel pain. But how that pain is experienced is a mystery. It seems plausible to me to imagine the experience of pain being "worse" for animals than humans precisely because they are less able to process it through higher consciousness.

[Mo34]

^ awful isn't it. My old flat (which was a nice block of 4 with garden) apparently now has rubbish left all over the place and things like a washing machine just dumped on the back path.