How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Rocket Spud]

Awful stomach ache from eating banana

I have a 'good' hay fever day and then go and give myself this shit.

[Blackflies]

^ Self inflicted potassium overdose. You get no sympathy. Fruits have feelings too. Don’t stomach too many because you’re having a ‘good’ hay fever day, you greedy bugger.

[Rocket Spud]

Meanie

That was the first of a bunch of five - not sure what to do with the other four now. It's Russian roulette with them at times for me, but i should've taken my cue from the last one i had which gave me a bit of gyp.

[Professor Willow]

Sad.

[Utopia]

Not feeling as terrible atm, depressing concerns are still there however, but this is more bearable. Things always seem much worse at the time.

[parrowmike86]

I used to be a barista, so, sadly, I am not allowed to work now. First, I thought that all I can do now is wait for the quarantine to over. Luckily, I have some savings (really wanted to travel to Europe, so I managed to save the amount of money, equal to two-three months of living. ).

On the other hand, I finally have enough spare time to do my hobbies. I even decided to change my profession. Maybe, when it all ends, I will be a famous culinary blogger.

I wanted to turn on some instrumental music. I saw that this music can be used for videos, posted on YouTube and it gave me an idea. Now, I am filming my cooking every day and making really good (at least in my opinion) tutorial videos. So, the quarantine isn’t the end of life.

[Messer]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^ That's good to hear, Utopia

Sometimes horrible emotions can crash over us like tidal waves and other people's meanness feels like a 'truth' that you can't escape from. Sometimes when I am really down, all the bullying from my past comes into my head and I feel really helpless, and the horrible things people have said begin to feel true.
But when I am ok, I remember that I am just a person who's been bullied for having autistic behaviour and that doesn't make me a bad person, it makes a lot of people I've been around quite unkind and intolerant.

Take care and I hope you keep feeling a bit better each day

So well said.

[anxiouslondoner]

Sad, stuck and crap.

[T]

Abit reflective at the mo... been sorting stuff in the loft as i have time on my hands and it needs doing been going thru old memories and pics and old school work so some of it has been good but a few bad memories are with it.... shame i just can't wipe the bad memories!

[choirgirl]

That's cool Parrowmike!

[Blackflies]

That’s totally understandable and I can relate to a degree. My mum is the same, wants sky news on all day at the moment and is reading misleading facts on FB and relaying that back to me to see what I think. She’ll go on about how worrying it is but then in the same day read something on fb and then say something like “maybe it’s safe for me to venture now” which panics me. As someone that doesn’t have general anxiety, she can have this info fed to her 24/7 and not have it sink in but with us, the information just simply won’t leave us. We absorb it and we internalise every possible worst outcome in our heads which is very unhealthy. That paired with being restricted and less able to access other people who will talk about things that can distract us, is very suppressing. That said, sometimes people have the opposite coping mechanism of needing to discuss everything in depth, knowing all the facts to feel more secure and in control. So perhaps although they seem to handle it better than us, it’s their own way of dealing with whatever is going through their heads. I try to look at it that way so I don’t project my own anger, frustration and fears on to her but it’s not easy esp when you have a reason to feel crappy already.

Just know that your own coping mechanism of blocking this out isn’t wrong and sometimes ignorance is bliss. We have to do what we need to do it these times and it’s not selfish to concentrate on what’s good for your own mental health first and foremost even if others try to push theirs on us. Try to focus on your interests to deflect from what she’s said: Hope your chest feels better soon.

[Mo34]

Well my friend has tested negative for coronovirus although she had symptoms of it. So that's good news. Shows how difficult it is to know if you have it or not I guess.

Had an Zoom counselling session today. I'm beginning to get a little bit more used to doing it online. Though I still prefer face to face. Had a right lazy day on the whole. :/
Bit bored really...

[Dougella]

^ That's good news, was it hard to get a test? I saw on Facebook earlier that a testing centre has been set up in the next town over from here and the army are running it, but it's only for healthcare workers and their family members.

[Mo34]

^ she seems to have got one easily. She works for sainsburys but has been moved to the shop floor currently so is a key worker in that sense. It's more likely she got a test because her partner is a nurse and so he has had to isolate too even though he had no symptoms. He'll be able to go back to work now I guess.

She's in Bognor but had to go to Portsmouth for a test.

[Professor Willow]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

Sorry to hear that x Has anything happened?

Thanks for the hug
I was just sat here thinking about how me and my bf have drifted even further apart recently, the only thing we actually do together now is sleep.
He spends 99% of his time in another room playing computer games and skyping his friends while I sit alone and watch TV or listen to spotify.
I also know that he spends a lot of time on a certain app chatting to other men when I'm at work or asleep.
This relationship is basically dead

[Rocket Spud]

Originally Posted by Rocket Spud

Awful stomach ache from eating banana

Originally Posted by Rocket Spud

... first of a bunch of five - not sure what to do with the other four now.

I'm gonna eat them in thirds - it's just come to me like a bolt of lightening - i can handle a third of a stomach ache. I'll have one per day. In four days time i'll be done with them.

[Merritt]

^^ You deserve more than that

Lately I'm feeling like I'm constantly trying to keep one step ahead of... something. I don't know what exactly, but when I can't focus on anything for more than half an hour I feel it catching up and I have to retreat to my bed for a couple of hour's oblivion. I'm so lucky I'm not an insomniac, I don't know how I'd cope.

Maybe it's the realisation of how much I've truly squandered my life. How little I've had, and how I even gave all that up for how I live now, completely disconnected and basically whiling away the days till I have a stroke or a heart attack or get cancer or something. I feel like there's some sort of inevitable reckoning with the part of me that expected more, and I'm 99% sure I won't be able to forgive myself, so I just keep running.

[Utopia]

My depression has improved slightly (figers crossed it lasts) but I'm going to take a break from this place. Sorry for overreacting the other day - my mood seems to go from 'alrght', to the depths of depression and back again within a few days lately. A few users were supportive and I'm now grateful for that, so thanks, but I feel that people don't want me here and I don't want to be wasting my time just causing people to feel worse in some way. I feel fine right now, a bit lonely but that's nothing new for me anyway...

[choirgirl]

I don't think you need to feel you should go. I didn't know what to say to you so I didn't say anything, but that's because I'm not as nice as some of the members here. I certainly didn't want you to go. I've posted loads of moany things on here. Loads. If you would feel better taking a break from here, then that's different.

[Consolida]

@ Utopia I've been feeling pretty depressed myself lately so I've not been visiting the forum so much but I do think if you need to have a good old vent then this is the place to do it. I mean, what would be the point of this mental health support forum if everyone was always feeling balanced and happy. I'm very sorry if you haven't always felt very supported here Utopia. I'm certain people do empathise a great deal with you but possibly struggle to know what to say (as I am now ). Finding the right words, words that won't bring someone's mood down further, isn't always easy.
By all means take a break if you think it will help you, but please don't be a stranger for too long as you will be very much missed.
Look after yourself Utopia and stay safe x



Feeling very down as a loved one is suffering and I can't do anything about it

[anxiouslondoner]

^ I hope you and your children get better quickly Nanuq. It must be terrifying to be sick with something that nobody really knows anything about. Wishing you all a speedy recovery from this horrible virus.

[Consolida]

^^ Nanuq, gosh your poor immune system must be exhausted trying to fight off this relentless virus. It sounds like you've experienced a real roller coaster of symptoms.
I'd hoped that your boys were improving so I'm sorry to hear that they've had a bit of a relapse. It's awful seeing your children, or anyone you love, poorly and not being able to make them well isn't it. Lots of TLC goes a heck of a long way though

Get well soon x



Feeling mentally very fragile. Friday was a BAD day and I couldn't even muster up the energy to take a shower or get dressed. My other half and my son ordered take away pizzas for tea. What a BAD wife and mother I am

I don't know how to pull myself up - pathetic I know

[Percy]

^Sorry to hear you've had a bad day Consolida. You're not a bad mother or wife at all, you're just ill that's all.

[Neil]

Originally Posted by Consolida

Feeling mentally very fragile. Friday was a BAD day and I couldn't even muster up the energy to take a shower or get dressed. My other half and my son ordered take away pizzas for tea. What a BAD wife and mother I am

I don't know how to pull myself up - pathetic I know

Hi Consolida. Whenever I have a bad day I always adopt a Gone With the Wind, ‘there will always be another day’ approach. Without the structure of going to work my life has somewhat spiralled out of control. I am not eating or sleeping properly, worrying if there will be a job for me to return to after furlough (I work in hospitality) and having to compete in a 10% unemployment economy with a poor CV and too many miles on the clock. Things can sometimes seem quite bleak, especially if like me you live on your own and have too much time to ruminate, but then I have my more positive days. Some of us are just natural worriers and the current situation I guess makes things more challenging. In life we have to try our hardest to count our blessings and with a little soul searching and effort we can turn our lives around.

If you’re confident you won’t die of food poisoning, politely ask your other half and your son to do the cooking, when he eventually moves out
his mum’s not going to be there to do it for him.

[Consolida]

^^ Percy, thank you for your kind words. They are always very much appreciated x

^ Neil, wise words indeed x
Like you, I'm trying to tell myself that today was a bad day but tomorrow or the next day may be better. It's not as if I haven't been this depressed before. If it can pass for others then I suppose it can for me too.

Wondering about whether you will have your job to return to must be extremely worrying for you. I'm incredibly lucky that I don't have that to worry about and certainly have some blessings to count that others sadly don't.

I'm sure my husband and son enjoyed their take away pizzas and it probably beats the mountain of veg that I usually pile up on their dinner plates

I'll try to convince myself that when I'm having a hiding under my duvet sort of day that I'm not a terrible mother wallowing in my own misery but am playing an important part in helping my 17 year old to develop into an independent and self sufficient man


Thanks Percy and Neil, your posts managed to lift my spirits and that's no mean feat at the moment

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Neil

If you’re confident you won’t die of food poisoning, politely ask your other half and your son to do the cooking, when he eventually moves out
his mum’s not going to be there to do it for him.

My thoughts exactly. I am sure together they are capable of cooking tea for themselves and you

[Dougella]

^ I think so too, part of being a husband or son is looking after your wife/mother when she's not well and taking over some of the things she might usually do.

My Mum had a policy of being very bad at cooking when we were teenagers (and come to think of it being very bad at washing up too) and my brothers are now both very good at cooking (me not so much, but I can get by enough to look after myself) because at a certain point they started taking over. I think she may have been employing reverse psychology

[Consolida]

^/^^ Lol, yes, they are very capable and they never expect me to cook the meals it's more about the expectations I have of myself and of feeling so useless when I'm unable to fulfil them. I know my mother or mother-in-law would never wallow the day away in bed


I can't say it's feeling like it's going to be a better day today but who knows. Just need to get my head in a better place.

[Dougella]

^^ But that's not what you're doing at all I hope you do feel better very soon.

[Consolida]

^ Thank you Dougella x
Although I don't feel too great physically I think I've become almost paralysed by the depression and common sense tells me that hiding away in bed isn't the way to overcome this and yet....

It's so hard


@ HH, ha I love the way you tell it exactly as it is As you say, having to clean up after yourself doesn't necessarily make you cleaner or tidier but at least it's only your own pee that you are having to wade through. One of the big pluses for living alone perhaps.


Honestly, I must emphasise that my husband and son are great and incredibly supportive of me but I DO feel that they deserve a wife and mum who is so much more normal than me