How is everyone feeling? (31) - Page 795

Consolida · #**23821** 2nd February 2022, 02:55

@ Dean Winchester - I hope you managed to resist the urge to hurt yourself

Has something happened to make you feel this way? I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep things may seem a little less bleak. Look after yourself

@ Dougella - I shouldn't have worried because the hospice Nurses that came a round in the evening were lovely.

@ Merritt - Thank you, that means a lot x

Feeling quite helpless at the moment. Ended up summoning my husband in the middle of the night as my mum had become very agitated and confused. We've given her some morphine and Paracetamol (as the Nurses had advised us to do) and this seems to have settled her a little. It's not comfy sleeping on my mum's sofa but I'm so tired I think, for once, I could drop off anywhere

anxiouslondoner · #**23822** 2nd February 2022, 10:18

^

sorry to hear you are going through so much Consolida.

Consolida · #**23823** 2nd February 2022, 15:24

^^ Thank you AL x

^ Aw well done on making that difficult phone call, Lee, it's something I struggle with too as do so many SA sufferers I think. I hope you get that tooth fixed soon and no more eating Rocky chocolate bars!

Dean Winchester · #**23824** 2nd February 2022, 15:57

Apart from making myself rather ill from booze, no harm done. Thank you to all repliers.

Some of the stuff Ive had to deal with is truly beyond description and i think its finally starting to all collapse around me. Very erratic and fragile thses days, breaking down/spiraling at literally anything. Scared for myself.
Going to spend next few days researching private trauma counselling.

Dougella · #**23825** 2nd February 2022, 19:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

Apart from making myself rather ill from booze, no harm done. Thank you to all repliers.

Some of the stuff Ive had to deal with is truly beyond description and i think its finally starting to all collapse around me. Very erratic and fragile thses days, breaking down/spiraling at literally anything. Scared for myself.
Going to spend next few days researching private trauma counselling.

Looking into support you can get, even if you have to go private, sounds like a good idea. You shouldn't have to struggle through this on your own.

Consolida · #**23826** 2nd February 2022, 22:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

Apart from making myself rather ill from booze, no harm done. Thank you to all repliers.

Some of the stuff Ive had to deal with is truly beyond description and i think its finally starting to all collapse around me. Very erratic and fragile thses days, breaking down/spiraling at literally anything. Scared for myself.
Going to spend next few days researching private trauma counselling.

I'm so sorry you're going through a really difficult time right now and hope that you manage to find a trauma counsellor who will be able to give you the help and support that you need.
In the meantime, don't forget that you've always got this place if you need to vent

I'm feeling emotionally and physically drained and to add to the awfulness of the day I'm suffering with withdrawal symptoms from tapering off the Benzo's

People have visited who haven't visited in years - odd how some people only bother with folk once they're on their death bed - and the social anxiety has pretty much taken a back seat to all of the other unpleasant emotions. Also, to add insult to injury, I'm suffering with a bad flare up of my plantar fasciitis (sore feet!). I think a night of sleeping on this sofa might not help matters.

Tubbs · #**23827** 3rd February 2022, 14:13

^ I'm so sorry for what you're going through Consolida, but glad that your mum is home with you at last. You're doing brilliantly with tapering off the benzos, it's not something I have experience of myself but it sounds hellish even in normal circumstances. Look after yourself

Mellie · #**23828** 3rd February 2022, 15:58

feeling very anxious about meeting my new house mates tomorrow and finally leaving hospital on Monday!

Chess&Junkfood · #**23829** 3rd February 2022, 16:11

Dean I'm sorry to hear that, Dean. I hope things get better for you soon!

Consolida I want to echo Tubbs post, Consolida! Please look after yourself!

Mellie I hope the move goes well for you, Mellie!

Mellie · #**23830** 3rd February 2022, 16:58

Thanks chess!

The Devil, Probably. · #**23831** 3rd February 2022, 19:00

^^ An ungenerous interpretation of people showing their face when someone is on their death bed is that they never much cared, but they can't live with themselves being honest about that. So the death bed scenario rouses them to protect their own ego before it is too late. It's one thing not caring that much, it's another being seen to be and bearing the stigma of being a person who does not care that much..

A more generous interpretation is that life happens, and it happens fast. People get lost in the details of their own lives and forget to find the time that their better selves may wish they had found for the others around them. A death bed scenario concentrates the mind and reminds others of what matters in life, though often the reminder is late.

Mo34 · #**23832** 3rd February 2022, 20:28

Tired, gone back to work after some time off, but immediately thrown into covering extra hours for ppl off with covid. Also extra hours for training/workshops.

Have missed being on sauk, have had a time away. Think since Sept? Oct?

Mo34 · #**23833** 3rd February 2022, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Consolida

I'm feeling emotionally and physically drained and to add to the awfulness of the day I'm suffering with withdrawal symptoms from tapering off the Benzo's

People have visited who haven't visited in years - odd how some people only bother with folk once they're on their death bed - and the social anxiety has pretty much taken a back seat to all of the other unpleasant emotions. Also, to add insult to injury, I'm suffering with a bad flare up of my plantar fasciitis (sore feet!). I think a night of sleeping on this sofa might not help matters.

I'm sorry to hear what your going through

. Yeah it's hard having to deal with 'long lost' family/friends when family are seriously ill. Though sometimes old ties bind, I hadn't seen one of my uncles for 15 plus years (just cause of geography) but still felt concerned when he was ill and moved when he died.

It is a lot to cope with SA wise though when you have to deal with lots of ppl that otherwise you don't know. I know from when my dad was ill/passed away, I was fortunate my dads youngest sister took over and called all the family to let them know what was going on.

Consolida · #**23834** 4th February 2022, 00:04

^ Thank you Mo

Btw, it's lovely to see you posting here again, I hope you stay

@ Tubbs - Thank you so much for your kind message, and you too Chess&Junkfood

@ The Devil Probably - I try to think the best of people if I can, so I shall go with the generous interpretation.

I feel like a zombie right now and don't know how I'm surviving on so little sleep. I hope this zombie like state lasts for a considerable while longer because it's a much better state to be in than the one of abject despair.

Chess&Junkfood · #**23835** 4th February 2022, 13:32

Welcome back, Mo! It's great to see you back on the forum!

Consolida · #**23836** 4th February 2022, 14:10

So very sad. When the visitors were here I was okay, but now it's quiet and it's just me and mum, who is pretty much dozing 24/7, my mind goes to a very bleak place.

Dougella · #**23837** 4th February 2022, 15:02

^

Chess&Junkfood · #**23838** 4th February 2022, 17:18

^^

Consolida · #**23839** 5th February 2022, 10:29

^/^^ Thanks for the hugs

Feeling slightly more refreshed today. I've been sleeping on a sofa for the past few nights to be close to my mum but last night my husband slept on the sofa and I slept upstairs in a bed. My legs and feet are a lot less achey today. I'll insist on sleeping on the sofa tonight and shall never take a comfy bed for granted again.

3stacks · #**23840** 6th February 2022, 01:45

Anxious. I get too attached to people and then my anxiety gets intense thinking that they don't like me or that they will find better people and then I ruin the friendship by constantly wanting reassurance. It's so so tiring to be like this but once the anxiety starts it just gets too intense and I can't handle it. I feel more peaceful alone but crave connection but connection drives me crazy

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

Percy · #**23841** 6th February 2022, 12:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mellie

feeling very anxious about meeting my new house mates tomorrow and finally leaving hospital on Monday!

Glad to hear you're leaving hospital Mellie

Consolida · #**23842** 7th February 2022, 16:54

^ Oh that's a pity that your tooth can't be saved, but it's great they your Dentist was kind and understanding about your anxiety and managed to put you at your ease.

I've been told that I have a small mouth too but, like you, I'm able to stuff plenty of food into it!

I'm feeling so sad.
Perhaps understandably my mum has had enough of it all and says that she just wants to go. I try to give her a little food and drink but she is refusing it and tells me to leave her alone as she doesn't want to carry on anymore. I can't say I blame her, but it breaks my heart. What a miserable way for a human being to spend their last days/weeks

I'm sorry for my constant miserable posts on the forum, I should probably stop posting.

limey123 · #**23843** 7th February 2022, 18:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lee S

Ta

Don't apologise for posting, you need the support more than ever. I have lost people close to me but I reckon our mums have got to be among the absolute worst to lose. You are doing the best you can and your mum is lucky to have a daughter like you.

Totally agree with this. You're doing the right thing Consolida and all you can do to help your mum. I was there in my mother's final days/weeks and all you can do is your best. When it's their time, it's their time. Above all, make sure she knows you all love her dearly - tell her every day, no, every hour. When the time comes for her to cross over, this knowledge will be so precious to her.

SpectralOwls · #**23844** 8th February 2022, 13:07

^ I agree.

This forum is full of really supportive and understanding folks. Do everything you need right now. We understand how hard things are. Please take care of yourself.

Consolida · #**23845** 8th February 2022, 21:46

^/^^/^^^ Thank you so much for your supportive messages, it's very much appreciated, and I'm so very sorry to hear that you've also lost loved ones. The fact that the people most dear to us can't be around forever has got to be one of the suckiest things about this life!

I feel that in the space of a couple of days, I've gone from desperately wanting to keep my mum here whatever it takes, to hoping that she will drift off peacefully into her final sleep as it's just far too painful watching someone I love suffer. She's pretty much sleeping most of the time now, and isn't eating or drinking so I don't think it will be long now.

From an SA perspective, I've had various carers coming in and out of the house and haven't once felt self conscious. I guess when the mind has far bigger things to focus on there isn't the time or space to think about me.

newbs16 · #**23846** 8th February 2022, 22:31

^ I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. Not really sure what to say but I'm thinking of you at this heartbreaking time.

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biscuits · #**23847** 8th February 2022, 22:51

^^

Chess&Junkfood · #**23848** 8th February 2022, 22:59

^^^

The Devil, Probably. · #**23849** 8th February 2022, 23:50

Sorry to hear you're going through what you're going through. It certainly is a hugely stressful and emotional situation.

Appear · #**23850** 9th February 2022, 00:14

I'm really glad you managed to get in to see your Mum, Consolida. It shouldn't have been so hard. I hope you are able to get her home next week.

My grandad passed away in hospital during the first lockdown and no one was able to be there. It upsets me now to think about, even though he wouldn't have been aware of it. And I know that he'd probably be quite philosophical about it and tell me not to worry. He'd probably say something about it only being a moment in his life and we were there for plenty others. Still.