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9th November 2020, 23:59
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
There's a start, a middle and an end.
I don't want to hear any alternatives. 
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10th November 2020, 00:23
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
The end is the end - it doesn't matter when.
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10th November 2020, 00:44
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
I'm messing about btw, i'm open to alternatives
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10th November 2020, 21:43
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
How everything would have been different if I'd had a girlfriend back in the day. I was too self-hating and purposeless to allow that to happen. I could have got a girlfriend instantly upon arrival at university. I say instantly; things were moving at a glacial pace, and the whole situation was very ambiguous. That didn't happen because of reasons.
 It's funny to think of. And by funny, it makes me want to stab myself. I should have properly gone for it back when I still had my looks (such as they were) and my youthful joie de vivre. Most importantly, it would have forced me to deal with my shit. That's what I'm most upset about. Ack, I really played myself.
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11th November 2020, 22:13
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
I hurt my big toe over a week ago, it's gone a bit funny... it's all pink and swollen and I keep getting this build up of liquid under the toenail ... I should probably see a doctor about it... but won't, because I'm so avoidant.
(Sorry for TMI)
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11th November 2020, 22:25
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
Quote:
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11th November 2020, 22:33
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
^ Better!
 I went for a walk, got soaked, come back, had a shower, rinsed my hair and am now motivated just enough to cook dinner. How about you?
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14th November 2020, 11:41
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
After looking at the 2021 S class interior which I have a love hate relationship with I think that self ddriving cars leading to a subscription service rather than an ownership model really isn't far fetched.
The 2021 S class interior looks overdone to me and the car has too much technology that it feels impossible to know everything about the car. To me, when I look at it, it feels like a car that always leaves my mind somewhat distracted or stimulated. It's like the car can provide a media rich experience, but as it has all the newest tech, voice recognition, gesture controls, is probably smarter than most smartphones, it is too hard to fully learn. As to why people like owning the latest, premium smartphones, I wouldn't say it's cause of better technology but more because of social status, design and build quality. I think, this is not factual, that the reasons people use to be proud of owning a car such as knowing the car, being able to get the best out of it, learning all of it features, are going to become less and less as cars become more advanced and smarter. Things like build quality would still count but would that be enough to want to own a car that is too complicated to fully know or learn? The car also isn't a primary hub for social media, like the smartphone is, so I don't think data necessarily has to be tied to a car as much as a smartphone.
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14th November 2020, 20:29
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
^I think you may be right about the subscription service model. I've no idea what car you are talking about.
Back to me: how am I dealing with stuff I should have been dealing with 20 years ago? I am so embarrassed. (I will not be telling anyone the full story other than a carefully chosen therapist.) The irony of feeling borderline asexual for so long (I didn't think I was asexual) and putting that stuff in the later pile, when all along it was the number one thing I needed to deal with out of all the things. I feel like I've woken up from a coma, and looking at all the self-induced wreckage is horrifying. (Although I can see the funny side.) It was always so blindingly obvious. And of course everyone knows. The only person who didn't is my dad (bless him) and I've accidentally-on-purpose outed myself. Anyone who didn't like it has either got over themselves by now or already ****ed off. The sky hasn't fallen in. (It felt like it would.)
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14th November 2020, 20:34
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
^ Things were a lot different even one or two generations ago, people were generally so much less open about their sexuality and there was less acceptance unfortunately. It's not surprising that people (and maybe you) had a lot of internal conflict and doubt and hesitation about exploring whether they might be gay. You shouldn't blame yourself for that!
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15th November 2020, 00:00
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
Quote:
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15th November 2020, 12:00
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
People seem to be complaining about the latest IG update. Asking who shops in IG and stuff. But IG is a really effective advertising platform for businesses if you think about it. They can sale to users who are less conscious about who they choose to follow.
Idk but might take another social media detox or reduction in use as I notice I’m using it to procrastinate now.
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15th November 2020, 12:56
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
Learning through online teams meetings is weird. I am more open in lectures as we are allowed to comment and don't face weird looks or gaslighting. It feels weird when a peer seems responsive to me as that doesn't happen irl, or they act like they have to lead me. Stuff I use to face in traditional classrooms due to anxiety and social awkwardness.
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15th November 2020, 16:32
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
Dougella: Stuff has happened, ok, it's complicated. My brain made it complicated. I wanted (subconsciously) to do everything like a straight person, but with a girl. Find one in the wild, someone makes a move (this is where it tended to go wrong!) and proceed in a normal fashion. But there were missed opportunities that make me wince. (If it was up to me to make the move, I would bail at the last second, irrationally thinking, no matter how I approach this, she is straight and would be horrified and repulsed and I would want to die. You guys don't know how lucky you are not to start off playing on the hard setting.) I was running from my inevitable fate. I was just an absolute and complete idiot in every imaginable way (apart from not being anti-gay ever, I never saw what the problem was, unsurprisingly!)
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16th November 2020, 10:05
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
I had a dream where the uni lectures said she is missing out a lecture cause she had to go somewhere. It felt really dismissive to me, like she was being tough on us.
Now that I have woken up it doesn’t feel like that was a big deal. But in the dream there were different parts to the lecture and she had to leave part of it?????
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16th November 2020, 10:06
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
The other day though I dreamt of a uni group task and I was confident and able to talk expressively with my team mates. Like the opposite of real life.
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16th November 2020, 21:33
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Re: Type what you're thinking about right now (11)
My ego got in the way of accepting the truth all those years ago when it would have been wise to come out of denial in a timely manner. And the irony is that I had already internalised all the toxic crap. So I needed to start working on the toxic shame in my 20s.
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