Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[Merritt]

But what if it really is good and they only say it's bad because putting other people's work down makes them feel better about their own? The possibilities are endless.

Is it something you want to be read by others? I guess if that's the case, you need to take the plunge and accept however it's received, but also that the reception doesn't invalidate your own pride towards it, or its worth. You shouldn't feel obliged to share it with others though, creativity can be its own reward.

[Jen.]

I'm assuming you're talking about creative writing, and if so the best way of knowing if anyone else thinks it's good is submitting it to publications. If nothing ever comes of it then perhaps it needs more work. If it is accepted somewhere then you'll know that at least one other person thought it was good enough to publish and believed that others would enjoy it too. There are quite a few places where you can post your writing for other writers to share their opinion/offer constructive feedback and it won't be considered "published" since it's behind a password-protected site (so won't be excluded from ever being accepted for publication elsewhere). Scribophile is a popular one, and while the feedback there can vary from great to completely useless, you can generally get a sense of whether something is good or not.

[Merritt]

Sorry btw if I seemed like I was discouraging you from taking the route Jen's suggesting, Jigglypuff. I think I'm projecting my own feelings about writing, where putting anything I've made to that sort of scrutiny would literally kill me. Well, not literally. Actually, yes, it probably would literally kill me.

[Toxic]

This forum has reached a new level of deadness (thats a word, I refuse to correct it)

I've also had one of them days at work where I've had more human interaction than I'm used to/capable of. The way I am - I'd be embarrassed if I was 20, at my age I really do feel like a waste of space at times

[Professor Willow]

Something I read on Facebook this morning

LET GO TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT READY

It is not an attitude of pride, but of congruence. You will continue to love them but with another perspective, from another level of understanding, comprehension and awareness.
It is the most difficult thing you will have to do in your life, and it will also be the most important: stop being linked to those who are not ready to love you.

Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change. Stop appearing for people who are indifferent to your presence. Stop giving your love and energy to people who are not ready to love you.
I know that your instinct is to do everything you can to earn the good graces of everyone you can, but it is also the impulse that will steal your time, your energy and your sanity.

When you begin to be in your life completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to meet you there.
That does not mean you have to change who you are. It means you have to get away from people who are not prepared to be with you.

If you are excluded, subtly insulted, forgotten or easily ignored by the people you spend most of your time with, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.
The truth is that you are not for everyone, and they are not all for you. That is what makes it so special when you find the few people with whom you have a genuine friendship, love or relationship: you will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not.

But the more time you spend trying to force someone to be with you when they are not able, the more time you will be depriving yourself of that same connection. It's waiting for you. There are billions of people on this planet, and many of them will meet you at their level, with the vibration of where they are, connect with where they are going.

…But the longer you stay involved in the familiarity of people who use you as a cushion, a background option, a therapist and a strategist for their emotional work, the longer you stay out of the community you crave.

"Maybe if you stop showing up, you'll be less loved.
Maybe they forget you completely.
Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end.
Maybe if you stop sending text messages, your phone will remain dark for days and weeks.
Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve. "
That doesn't mean you ruined a relationship. It means that the only thing that sustained a relationship was the energy that you and only you put into it. That's not love. That is attachment.

The most precious and important thing you have in your life is your energy. It is not your time that is limited, it is your energy. What you give to each day is what will create more and more in your life. What you give your time is what will define your existence.
When you realize this, you will begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend your time with people who do not contribute to you, and in jobs or places or cities that do not suit you.

You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and for everyone you know is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven where only people who can care, listen and connect are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving people.
You are not responsible for convincing them that they want to be saved.
It is not your job to appear for people and give them your life, little by little, moment by moment, because you feel sorry for them, because you feel bad, because you "should", because you are obligated, because, at the root of all this, you are afraid that they will not return the favor and that is not to love as love is to release those you love and are not ready to be with you so they live what they have to live while you move on to find someone with whom you'll be able to share the reciprocity of healthy love. It is another level of consciousness.

It is your job to realize that you are the master and lover of your destiny, and that you are accepting the love that you think you deserve.
Decide that you deserve a real friendship, a true commitment and a complete love with people who are healthy and prosperous.
Then wait in the dark, just for a moment ... And look how quickly everything starts to change.

-Cynthia Sabina

[Sisyphus]

^ Good one Prof,

Unfortunately it is only half the answer. It is important to get out of dependent or co-dependent relationships. however, if you find yourself in one it is likley that you are missing an important skill-set.

Without having a plan to develop those skills whilst waiting in the dark, then you may be some time in the dark, or straight back into the same type of relationship.

It may even pay to stay in a dependent relationship while working on the skills needed to survive outside.

[girlinterrupted]

Wondering how to get back to being the person I was 20 years ago, I liked her and miss her.

[Custard_cream]

This lockdown is hard. I started working from home in March, but went to live at my parent's house so I saw people every day. I've been so lucky in that regard. My parents are back in Spain, so I'm coming up to my third week living and working from home. Glad the gyms are now open so I can go to a few classes this week. I've been so emotional just lately though.

[Custard_cream]

I shouldn't be up drinking at 11:20pm on a work night.

My niece, is 4 years old, she drives me mad as she has tantrums if she doesn't get her own way and she doesn't listen. I tell her off, but then get the whole 'you don't love me' off her, and 'your not my friend'. Awful, as I spend my time trying not to cry when looking after her and this happens, as feel horrible, especially when she comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she loves me.

[newbs16]

:^Does it upset you if you have to tell your niece off, or if she gets upset with you?

[endo_endo]

Been a long while since my last post here. Was definitely before the world set itself on fire and fell over.

People seem to be doing alright, it was my birthday a few days ago and got a message from here so popped back. I don't think anyone I used to talk regularly to still posts here now that I don't already have other means of talking to.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by skittles88

Wondering why more people are coming on lately. feeling too paranoid about moaning on here . I hate myself when I moan. As I’m feeling stupid with everything I say to anyone COs I have no real reason to complain. feel as if everyone on here is laughing at me.

Irrational thought. More likely they'll be just a indifferent reader to your post.

[girlinterrupted]

@skittles I wish I knew what to tell you, maybe reach out to a professional again ?

I'm already too bloody hot.

[girlinterrupted]

Now I'm too hot and sneezy. And apparently whiny. I sound like I'm trying to work my way through all seven (alternative-ish) dwarves.

[girlinterrupted]

There are so many cabbage white butterflies flitting about outside my window . I guess it's good at least those have staged a bit of a comeback but it would be nice to see some other types like we used to.

[Azalea]

Originally Posted by girlinterrupted

There are so many cabbage white butterflies flitting about outside my window . I guess it's good at least those have staged a bit of a comeback but it would be nice to see some other types like we used to.

You could capture a few and colour them in

[girlinterrupted]

Originally Posted by Azalea

You could capture a few and colour them in

Hmmm...for once I would need a butterfly net rather than being threatened with one

I would say I'm too hot to sleep but pffft as if I'd be asleep anyway, that's silly

[Dougella]

^ Aw, sea views, that sounds really nice! I hope moving to a different place might help you feel a bit better.

[Professor Willow]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

Was the past simpler without social media?

Yes!

[quietguy]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

Was the past simpler without social media?

I sometimes wonder this and wish i could live 30 years ago when there was no social media at all (or mobile phones) same question with mobile phones? There are times when I wish it wasn't so easy for people to get in touch with me all the time!

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

Was the past simpler without social media?

Yes definitely! From what I remember anyway.

[Jen.]

There doesn't have to be any social media if you don't want it though! Just delete all that stuff.

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

That’s like saying just quit smoking to someone who is addicted in certain ways to social media. It’s not that simple to quit. But I guess that’s an honest solution.

I know it's not simple to quit something if you're addicted to it, but we weren't talking about people who are addicted to it, were we? The discussion was about the past being "simpler" before social media. There's no need for anyone to wish to live in a time before social media existed since we can kind of live in that time now if we choose to... participating in it is not mandatory. I don't have to wish to live in a time before Facebook or Twitter existed, for example, because I don't have Facebook or Twitter accounts, so to me it's like they don't exist anyway. Even though it might not be easy for some people, quitting them is an option that's available yet people often seem to talk as if it isn't. If someone wants to own a mobile phone but not be easily contacted, they can set it up to make it that way. They can turn off notifications for certain apps and check them as frequently as they decide to check them. "But social media is the only way I can keep in touch with my family!" No, it isn't. Family were able to be contacted before social media existed. WhatsApp is primarily a messaging service too, not a social media. It can be used purely for exchanging messages and photos with family members. Facebook accounts can be closed while Messenger remains active, if it's necessary. There are so many options for shaping things to best fit you.

[Jen.]

So yes, you have the option to not use it as a social media then. You could just use it to message them if you wanted to.

[Jen.]

You're on the status tab there. Just use the chat tab if you want to chat.

[Mr. Nobody]

^

trouble is,. lots of people kind of expect you to be on these platforms,

as so many people today have adopted these platforms as a means of communication and a source of information, you often find that not signing up to them is almost akin to you saying, "I'm not interested in keeping in touch with anyone or anything"

I preferred life before computers were a necessary tool in the workplace and at home, but try doing without one today and you'll soon find yourself seriously lagging behind in lots of areas,

same goes for social media, unfortunately.

at best, you're seen as a "dinosaur" if you avoid social media,
at worst,. you're slowly alienated by your peers, and generally miss out on quite a lot.

you coud remove it all, yes,. but do you want to be know as "that person" ? lol

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

You sound like someone telling another person to stop being shy like they choose to be shy.

You don't understand and I don't expect you to understand.

I'm more like someone who is pointing out that even though quitting smoking might be very difficult, it makes more sense for someone to wish they weren't addicted to nicotine than to wish they lived in a time before tobacco was discovered. It makes more sense because it isn't actually possible to change the time in which you're living, but it is possible (even though it can be extremely difficult and involve a lot of work) to develop a healthy relationship with something you're addicted to.

[Jen.]

Originally Posted by imperfect_perfectionist

And the solution is obviously much harder than just not smoking or it takes much more than that. That's why I was irritated with your advice, I guess you have a right to share it but I have a right to not agree as well.

I think life without social media may have been simpler in certain aspects but the tech is good nowadays and makes lots of stuff easier.

I was talking in general about people who complain about using social media, not trying to give advice to people with genuine, debilitating addictions to it.

[Jen.]

I know it can be debilitiating, I literally just said that.

[Professor Willow]

I need some time off.