You know you're getting old when..

[anxiouslondoner]

^ my duvet is far too comfortable. I need one that turns into a rough sackcloth rag at 8am each weekday to get me out of bed for work.

[Rocket Spud]

Time flies. I was talking to my dad about a race winning horse, trying to think of it's name, 'won everything', 'about 4-5 years ago... ?', 'Dunkel ... ? Something..', 'I'm sure it sounded like that... Dunkel? You know', 'Oooh, got it - Frankel.... ! Frankel, yes got it! Good ol' memory' .

Yeah, i've just looked it up - that shit was over 10yrs ago!

[Perhaps]

The quality of every YouTube video from 2012 or older seems old as ....

[Laurel]

A S club 7 person has died.

[Gellerbing]

When you turn 40 but you can still remember your mum turning 40

[Rocket Spud]

When you wack your leg on the edge of a table, say, and it doesn't really register. Nerves? Not what they used to be. Booze helps hurt too. Booze. Helps. Hurt. Never underestimate booze helping with the odd incidental.

[choirgirl]

I remember my mum organising a secret birthday bash for my dad. Twas quite a do.

[Gellerbing]

When you keep using the term "nowadays"

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by The Devil, Probably.

When you see youngsters with the phones playing loud music or whatever media videos and think "no one of my generation would have their phones on speaker in public for all to hear".

This happened to me yesterday, walked past a guy sitting on a bench just playing music out with no headphones on! He didn't actually look that young. I couldn't understand why he wasn't using headphones.

[MissKatie]

When I saw that Blu-Ray is basically 20 years old.
Like no...Blu-ray is still fairly modern right??

[Shy_pretty_Angela]

When you keep browsing slippers on Amazon!

[Sudoku]

When I still have the same dream about getting married, but then realise I would look ridiculous in the wedding dress I wanted. And I'm probably too old and exhausted to even complete the hiking trip I planned to take my future fiance on. And all the kinky stuff I wanted us to do together... I'd feel too old and self conscious to actually do most of it now as my body isn't 25 any more. Most of the dreams I have/had were made with the assumption that I'd be 25-30 when they happened. Now I'm almost 40 and just feel like the ship has sailed and disappeared over the horizon. I've jumped from my teens to old woman status without experiencing any of the years in between. And the goals I had for this age of my life were based on the assumption that I would have spent the last decade with my husband setting up the 'base' for those things.

[Blackflies]

^ the ship hasn’t sailed until you let it go. Sure you might not want to wear the same wedding dress you would of picked in your 20’s but ask someone who’s already wed and she’d say the same thing. We adjust and alter our wants according to what now makes sense. Doesn’t necessarily mean we’re settling for second best, just that the second option now fits us better. I think most of us females are wired to believe if we haven’t found him by 35, we’ve missed the bus but there are alternative modes of transport to get to the same destination. Personally I’ve never been fussed about the white wedding or marriage but I certainly know women that have got married for the first time in their 40’s and even 50’s. I feel like younger people are less about hitting those relationship milestones and more about enjoying what’s happening today which must feel quite liberating. As for the kinks. Most of the kink minded I’ve encountered tend to be older and accepting of their bodies, warts and all. So I really wouldn’t let an ageing body get in the way of exploration. They’ll just be happy you’re not a starfish.

[Sudoku]

"who’s already wed" - that's the key thing. If I'd already experienced my goals and was redoing things at a later age, it wouldn't really matter. I don't care much about having a nice car, as I already got to drive a nice car for a while in my early 20s. If I get another car now (I haven't driven for a while), I don't mind what model it is. I've had that 'nice car' experience and although it would be great to re-experience it, I don't feel the same need to.

I imagine if I was getting married a second time, it also wouldn't matter quite so much. I'd have got to experience my dream wedding already and would probably just go along with whatever my partner wanted if he hadn't married before. Or we'd just do something random. It wouldn't be such a big deal, as I'd have already lived that event before and ticked that box. I'm not sure I'd even bother getting married.

Maybe weddings are more of a big deal to me, as I was raised in a very traditional family where those things are important. And not just because that is the 'normal' to everyone else I know, but because I also really really wanted that. I still want that. It isn't something I can just turn off. I had a friend commit suicide because she always wanted to be a mother and found out she could never have kids after repeated IVF attempts. I was/am very sympathetic to her, as I know what it's like to try so hard to achieve something, do all the right things (she was still young and kept herself very healthy), be the perfect fit for that role (she would have been an amazing mother), but have to watch everyone else around you be given that thing instead. I've never been as focused on having kids. But I understood how hopeless and empty she felt without the most important part of her life being there. Nothing else was important enough to fill that void. And I know that trying to fill the gap with adoption or fostering (which she tried) would never compare. Life wasn't life without having a child. So she ended it. I hope she is now reincarnated in another life where she can have the big family that she deserved.

I get what you are saying about not finding someone until later in life and I appreciate the sentiment behind it. But I don't think it's anywhere near as likely that I'll find someone as I get older. Yeah, it does happen. But it's a lot harder and less likely to work out. However, in my case I can't even find dates, as the men I meet who would have been a match are either a) already taken, b) have good reason for being single (alcoholics, drug issues, players, violent, etc), or c) have done the whole marriage thing before and the novelty has worn off for them or they've been burned by dating/marrying gold-diggers and want to punish me for their bad choices in women. And the older I get, the less men my age I even find physically attractive (and I'm sure many would say the same about me compared to dating a 25 year old - many are very clear that I'm too old for them already). I was happy to grow old WITH someone after building up years of memories of being with them when we were younger and still attractive. You don't notice someone turning old and grey if you see them every day for 10 years. You still remember them when you first met and can focus on that. If you meet when you're already old, you don't have that bank of memories and years of emotional bonding and shared history to rely on. And maybe it's not the same for all other women, but I personally can't have sex with someone that I've never been physically attracted to. It's just painful. So if I don't meet someone soon, realistically the likelihood of it ever happening will get very very low.

[Dougella]

^ You can have a wedding at any age, loads of people get married for the first time in their 30s and 40s. It's ok to date someone a bit younger than you too, if that's who you tend to find attractive.

You might have to adjust some of the dreams you had before, but maybe if you met someone when you were younger they would have hated hiking and wouldn't have wanted to do what you had in your head! Maybe they would have been very vanilla in the bedroom, and maybe that would have suited you at the time, or maybe not. I think it's better just to be open to meeting someone who is compatible with you now, and that might not be the person you were expecting, but it could be better than you imagined.

[Affogato]

When you are the last man in the UK who still likes using Joop! aftershave (I only wear it in the house for a bit of aromatherapy, I'm not going on dates or anything).

[Sudoku]

"maybe if you met someone when you were younger they would have hated hiking and wouldn't have wanted to do what you had in your head! Maybe they would have been very vanilla in the bedroom, and maybe that would have suited you at the time, or maybe not. I think it's better just to be open to meeting someone who is compatible with you now"

I wouldn't have dated someone that wasn't into hiking, either when I was younger or now. I wanted/want someone compatible. Not just someone that I meet up with for sex and then do everything else apart with other people. With some things that's fine. But if it's something very important to you that you want to spend a lot of your free time doing, then you need to be on the same page. Or you just end up spending that time bonding with other people who aren't your partner.

The same with vanilla stuff in the bedroom. You make sure you are a match early on so you don't waste time with someone who won't make you happy and vice versa. If they need... for a random example... to dress up in a bear suit in order to get it on (no offense to any furries here!) and that's a turn off for you, then it's not going to work. So you don't date.

[Sudoku]

"because we're conditioned by society that our worth is tied to our youth"

Not just society. I'm regularly told (sometimes very blatantly) by men on dating sites that I'm too old, have hit the wall, or they just don't respond to messages or have an age range of a decade younger on their match settings. To be fair, most are polite about it and don't insult me. But it's made clear that my age is a problem for them. The men that want to settle down and get married, etc have generally already done that by now. If they are divorced and willing to redo all that with another woman, they don't want someone who is nearly 40. Especially if they had a bad experience the first time around and see marriage as a huge risk. They are only willing to potentially do that again if they are getting 'more for their money'. Which I can understand, so I'm not knocking them. If I'd lost half my life's savings and house on a prostitute and was looking to get married again, I'd probably demand more in return. But it means someone like me who is still trying to do the whole marriage, home, family thing for the first time is unlikely to find any matches. Despite everyone's well intentioned comments.

[genovese]

Anyone got a bear suit I can borrow

[Chess&Junkfood]

Originally Posted by genovese

Anyone got a bear suit I can borrow

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Sammy_uk

"because we're conditioned by society that our worth is tied to our youth"

I would also add that I am regularly told (sometimes very blatantly) by men on dating sites that I'm too old, have hit the wall, or they just don't respond to messages or have an age range of a decade younger on their match settings. To be fair, most are polite about it and don't insult me. But it's made clear that my age is a problem for them. The men that want to settle down and get married, etc have generally already done that by now. If they are divorced and looking to redo all that with another woman, they don't want someone who is nearly 40. Especially if they had a bad experience the first time around and see marriage as a huge risk. They are only willing to potentially do that again if they are getting 'more for their money'. Which I can understand, so I'm not knocking them. If I'd lost half my life's savings and house on a prostitute and was looking to get married again, I'd probably demand more in return. But it means someone like me who is still trying to do the whole marriage, home, family thing for the first time is unlikely to find any matches. Despite everyone's well intentioned comments.

Wow, modern dating seems so depressing! It might be more unlikely that you'll find someone, but it's not impossible.

[choirgirl]

I suppose it is still possible, but involves more and more sifting through people. It does sound like an unpleasant process.

[Sudoku]

I've done it for several years and got nowhere. So at this point I'm going through the 'acceptance' part and trying to replan the remaining few decades with the assumption that it'll probably just be me. Although I have a lot of little cousins, nephews and a niece that are amazing. So I got to do the 'mum stuff' in other ways. And I'm trying to find alternative outlets for the other parts of marriage/family that I missed. I was planning to go on one of those solo honeymoon things before lockdown started. There seems to be a lot of stuff like that out there now.

[Dougella]

When you are looking up how to make your own potting compost.

[humphrey]

^ I did that 40 years ago when I first started work, we used to make all the potting compost we used. John Innes Nos.1, 2 & 3, and soilless compost from a bales of peat, sand and fertiliser. It used to be back breaking work especially when you were making half a ton in one go.

We even had steam soil steriliser, for the John Innes. We use to cut turf and put grass to grass and soil to soil in a big cube outside for at least a year, before putting it through the riddle (by hand), and then sterilising it, had to heat to 85c for at least 20 mins to kill off all the nasties. Then it was ready to use in a couple of days after it had gone cold.

[Dougella]

^ Was it a company that specifically made and sold compost? That does sound like hard work! I only need to make a small amount to put in some garden pots

[humphrey]

No I worked in a Grounds Department, we used to grow all the plants either from seed or plugs, about 20,000 a year. Winter and summer bedding plants, Hanging baskets, pot plants, some trees & shrub's and turf.

Was very handy for all your gardening sundries, and also having 3 x 60' heated glasshouses and poly tunnels meant that I never had to buy my own plants, I just grew on a few extra of everything we were growing, to kit my own garden out, not that I was that keen on doing the garden at home then. In the summer we were working 50 - 55 hours a week.

Now it is expensive when you have to supply everything yourself. But I always buy plugs or small plants and grow them on myself, a lot cheaper than buying them ready to plant.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I'm not getting enough roughage. It didn't help that it was brewing for a while. I even expected to see a midwife at one point. Anyway, it's good to share these things.

[anewyear]

A BBC newsreader just pronounced Matt and Luke Goss' band as bro-s ( plural of bro) rather than bros

[The Devil, Probably.]

Seeing in the Guardian that Stormzy is 30. I don't care about Stormzy, actually never listened to his music. But even those I would associate as quintessential of a younger and irrelevant to me generation of music.... are getting old themselves.