The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

[Orwell20]

@Consolida.

I know what you mean about happiness. I could be happy, if I lived in a different world, but I'm pessimistic about finding happiness in the real world. Britain in 2021 is a suffocatingly overcrowded, noisy, stressful, greedy, horrible place, covered in roads and traffic and housing estates. You can't even build a quiet hideaway because the houses are so small and crowded together that it's impossible to escape noise. Every time I sit down to read I can hear the neighbours arguing or playing video games.

If God were to part the clouds and say "OK, tell me what changes you want and I'll see what I can do...anything to make you happy and stop your whinging" I would ask him to:

- Vaporize all chavs
- Reduce the world's population by around 80%
- Make everyone beautiful and kind and gentle
- End the need to work
- Reduce the number of cars by 90%
- Replace all the ugly housing estates with beautiful gardens, filled with flowers and statues and fountains (let Monty Don design them)
- Because there are so few people, give everyone a big detached house at least 20 yards away from their neighbours

If everywhere was quiet and beautiful and peaceful, and the only sound was running water and birdsong, and I didn't have to work, I honestly think I could be happy. It's stress and noise and ugliness and horrible people that drag me down.

[Dougella]

^^


^ There are a lot of places where you can find peace and quiet, and solitude. Even in the south east they exist.

[biscuits]

so sorry that you are experiencing those feelings - sending you lots of love, Consolida

[Chess&Junkfood]

@Consolida I'm not the best with words, but it also goes without saying that you are fantastic! After all, you are Consolida! I still feel like asking for your help in replying to you right now. I also wish you could somehow harness the support that you have given to so many people on this forum and then channel that support back to yourself. Although I don't mean that you should take back all of that support you have given previously. This is why I need your help with this post! But I will say this, as you have said this before, please reach out for support when you need to!

@Consolida

and anyone who needs a

[girlinterrupted]

@Consolida I know you've got a self-imposed exile atm but in case you see this at some point, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I can totally relate and it's a horrible place to be . FWIW try and remember the good things, like those three people who also love you right back (I know you do that anyway, but stating the obvious is all I can offer)

[gregarious_introvert]

@Consolida, I wish I could have caught you before your exile, but I do hope that you'll read this when you return - and I hope you will see how much love, respect and gratitude there is for you here. This place will be the poorer without you. Your profile shows over 4000 posts and I reckon, if I were to go through them, that 3000 of them would be offering unselfish support to others here (I know I've received the benefit of your support in the past and many others have reason to thank you too).

Kind, genuinely altruistic and selfless souls are in short supply these days and yours is one of them; nobody can take away your pain, but when you return, we can offer support whilst you try to heal yourself. You have three people you love and who love you back and (this is not a one-upmanship situation) there are some people in the world who would envy that. Please try to treasure what you have and (being selfish now!) come back because this place needs you.

[gregarious_introvert]

Originally Posted by Orwell20

- Vaporize all chavs
- Reduce the world's population by around 80%

Sorry, Orwell, I know that I'm taking this out of context and quoting it not in the spirit in which it was intended, but I find this really disturbing. I don't think that any social group, religion, race, sexuality etc. should be judged on some arbitrary measure. Who decides who is a "chav" and who isn't? Which 20% of the world's population gets to survive?

As I said, I do realise that you weren't actually advocating a cull and understand (to a degree) your sentiment, but I had to say something because of the feelings it aroused in me.

[Merritt]

My thoughts keep drifting to death and suicide whenever I'm not able to keep my brain distracted by trivial stuff. A lot of weighing up the pros and cons, best and most practical ways to do it, what point I'd need to be at to take the plunge, etc. Feel very bleak about the future of the world, how not very far off a lot of really awful stuff might be, and how precarious the safety and stability of my life is, being dependent on state systems that I have no control over and what could easily change. I can't think of any reason to think positively about the future, be it my own or all of ours's as a whole.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ There is a great deal about the future which is out of our control and we can feel overwhelmed and helpless if we allow them to occupy our thoughts too much (which, as anxiety sufferers, of course we do!). Yes, things can change (and like you, Merritt, I am dependent on the state) but if we try to live in the present and not worry unduly about the future, it can help. Do you practice mindfulness at all?

The truth about the future (in general) is that one day the world will become uninhabitable and will end, but that isn't likely to happen within any of our lifetimes; of course, climate change (of which we're already seeing the effects) is an issue, but most major governments recognise that and are doing something to slow down / reverse it (even if it isn't enough, right now) so we have to have faith in mankind.

Try not to worry about things which haven't happened yet, although I do know (from personal experience) that this is easier to say than do; I've been in a similar situation to where you are now and all I can tell is that I'm glad I'm still here.

[Counterpoint]

I hate myself.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I'm sorry to hear this, Counterpoint. I had a bit of a dip a few years ago. It took a lot to talk myself into seeing a doctor at the time. But once I did, it made a big difference in the long run. So I hope you reach out for support when you need to. Sending the best your way!

[Merritt]

Sorry you're feeling that way about yourself, Counterpoint. It's always hard to understand looking in from the outside what could warrant someone thinking that badly of themselves, but I know how much more complex it is when you have to experience being yourself 24/7. I've been struggling with a lot of dark, angry thoughts and feelings about myself, and the life I've made for myself, and it's such a lonely place to be in. No one can truly appreciate the reasons you have, because they can only ever be a tourist to what it's like to be you.

[Counterpoint]

Thanks @Merritt and Chess&Junkfood

Even though it often feels like it, it helps to know I'm not as alone. I'm wrestling with a lot of demons at the moment, and I am isolated a lot of the time too which doesn't help. It's quite hard motivating myself to do even the things I usually enjoy doing.

[Counterpoint]

3am. Hellish night. Screaming loudly, hitting myself in the face. Usually crap. So alone. Oh well, back to work Mr, stop complaining. Got to work! Landlord needs the money. We must go to work hard and stop feeling sorry for ourselves because landlord needs the money, for his wife and baby. You should feel blessed you get to help somebody else's life. Forget yourself. That is God's path for you. We aren't all on this earth to be happy. Beaches, mountains, the ocean, hope, laughs, excitement, adventure, getting dry and cosy in the car after a downpour, that is all a distant memory. Stop dwelling on it! It only makes you suffer more. Accept your life is finished. And just drift into loving soft, solitary embrace of sleep.

[Merritt]

I'm sorry you're feeling so crap, Counterpoint I hope you're keeping safe.

I understand feeling like you're shut out from all the good things in life. I guess, if nothing else, try to allow yourself to indulge any pleasures that come your way or feel attainable, no matter how small. It can be easy to forget that there are good things out there that make life worth living in their small way.

[Mellie]

I’m fed up of feeling suicidal constantly but partly my fault for not trying to fix it cos I don’t believe in therapy. I am getting a support worker though to help sort my life out.

[Mellie]

Thank you diamond

[biscuits]

^ sending hugs to you, Mellie. That's great news that you are getting a support worker

[Mellie]

Thanks biscuits kind for you x hugs back

[limey123]

^ Glad you're getting help

[Mellie]

How are you limey? It’s me skittles btw

[Percy]

Originally Posted by Mellie

I’m fed up of feeling suicidal constantly but partly my fault for not trying to fix it cos I don’t believe in therapy. I am getting a support worker though to help sort my life out.

Sorry to hear you're having trouble mellie. I can relate to the suicidal urges.

[Mellie]

Sorry you struggle too Percy, it’s hard isn’t it?

[Percy]

It's very hard.

[Mellie]

You know it’s bad when you start drinking too much just to get away from it

[Clumsy*]

^Sorry Mellie Big (hug)

[Mellie]

Thanks tortilla , I’m used to it tbh it’s there everyday

[T]

Never gonna get away from the black cloud just hopeless

[Azalea]

Originally Posted by T

Never gonna get away from the black cloud just hopeless

[biscuits]

That feeling is the rubbishest, T.

Remember that the dark cloud likes to visit and stay for longer than it's welcome, but it always goes away.

Maybe if we all blow out of our windows it will leave you alone and bother someone else for a little bit.