Perfectionism

[Sunrise]

I feel like anything less than perfect is failure, and that I should be doing much better in just about every aspect of my life.

I can't look at any of my achievements as a success because I feel like I should have done more. I find it very difficult to set attainable goals and the standards I set myself are impossible high.

I feel like everyday is an impossible challenge because of what I expect of myself. I put myself under a lot of pressure but I always end up disappointed because I'm never as good as I think I should have been.

Despite this, I'm not some aspirational go-getter. I consider myself a very low achiever. I'm not someone who works hard and reaps the rewards, quite the opposite, everything feels like a massive disappointment.

I don't get all this being kind to yourself stuff. It doesn't make sense that I should be kind to myself if I'm failing. It feels like giving up and becoming content with failure.

I wonder how common this is as an anxiety thing? Some might see it as positive and motivational but it's probably the worst form of avoidance. I'm not sure there is any sort of upside to it. I'm not sure there's any benefit to it at all.

[humphrey]

I am exactly the same, if it isn't done to perfection I beat myself up about it. I have been like that as long as I can remember.

[Mr. Nobody]

I think you've answered this yourself,
You seem to understand well that you are setting yourself impossible goals, targets and expectations.

What if you read over your own post, but just imagine someone else close to you had written it about themselves,
Maybe a younger family member, or someone else you know well,
What would be your gut reaction to it,?

[biscuits]

I'd find perfectionism to stressful! The process is often more enjoyable than the end product.

[Marco]

I suspect perfectionism is quite a common trait among SA sufferers. It’s this sense that we need to be almost extra special to be accepted by others. Because few of us can fulfil these ideals of ourselves we’re left feeling inadequate, which simply fuels our social anxiety and obsessive fear of judgment and criticism. Yet another vicious circle of social anxiety disorder!

[Captain Crunch]

This thread resonates a lot with me and I empathise with everyone who suffers from this.

I suffer from low self-esteem, SA and perfectionism. This has its origins back in my childhood (I'm now 63) where nothing was ever good enough for my father. He never once praised me for anything and would always find fault somewhere. I internalised this as the truth and carried it forward into adulthood. It's been my default setting for more years than I care to remember now.

I've looked into self-help courses (primarily for self-esteem) and without exception one of the first 'tasks' is to write down a number of things you're good at. I can never get past this stage as I can't think of anything. I have the same issue at work review time where I'm supposed to list my achievements. Even if I could find something I'm good at, I'd recall some incident where I made an error and that would render it unsuitable for inclusion.