End of a relationship?

[JayUK]

I've been with my partner for 11 months, almost the year mark. We've had a couple of big arguments over this period but we always come back to each other and I really love him. I've just had one of the most surreal and agonising nights of my life. We were together at his flat and in bed he said "I don't think I'm happy" and basically said he loves me but doesn't know if he wants to be with me. It was midnightish and we just ended up sleeping in the bed together all night, occassionaly he'd hug me but mostly we felt worlds apart.

I've spent so much of the 11 months with him, at his flat, with his friends, slotting into his life and now all of sudden I feel so alone again. No more college, fewer friends since they're all working or moved on with their lives and now the prospect of no partner and saying goodbye to a life I'ved led for almost a year.

It's probably largely my fault, but I just feel pretty broken right now. I've been really trying to improve myself lately - starting CBT to work on my anxiety and improve my confidence, pushing myself to do things like apply for work and put myself in pressured situations. I've been lucky the past two years and haven't encountered many setbacks but I feel so defeated at the moment.

I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I don't even know the point of this post other than I have nowhere else to turn.

[Sea]

Sorry to hear this JauUK
I know how this feels....when its happened to me previously that my partner and I talked about splitting up then I have felt sick to the core and panicky at the thought of losing him. Sometimes I think maybe they say this just to make us sit up and appreciate what we have. But of course, he may also mean it . Did you try talking to him and asking him why he isn't happy? If not, then I think you need to have that conversation asap.

[Geminus]

I am sorry for your pain Jay. The things that Woof has said seem to ring true and so therefore I feel her advice is sound. There may be a need to prepare yourself for the answers coming back however, for they may not make sense or feel right and still leave you with a sense of emptyness and confusion.

I have had your pain also and the answer coming back to me did not compute as completely logical for she said the fault was not mine but her own and that she was too scared of the feelings she was experiencing. When asked if she thought I would ever hurt her she said she knew I wouldn't, yet her ability to move beyond her feelings and fears did not go away.
It tore my soul out and it changed me.

Whatever happens please try not to step back, lock yourself away and numb yourself to everyday life. Not to say that you should not mourn but you should also not stop living and feeling at this point. The distractions shall help you through, even as unwelcomed as they may be at times. But if left alone in the darkness, all you shall have is the misery to consume you and it will do exactly that if you do not take steps to confront it and fight it off.
So try not to suffer in silence too much. Have a balance to help protect and nurture you.

As for your post, I see one of the main designs of this place as providing us somewhere to share, giving a voice to that which is deep inside, which is a very very important and purposeful thing for humans to do.

[Rich Notts]

I had a friend who's boyfriend tried to split up with her on her Birthday and the day after she finished her exams (he's a nice guy as well it really confused me) but they are still together.
I'd say to look at it maybe as a chance to fix the problems in the relationship thats what my friend did both times, they worked out what was wrong and fixed it, my friends pretty strong though and managed to convice him to give it another shot and even made him confront some of his problems that he was projecting on her.

[Optimistic]

Originally Posted by woof

this is the trouble when you have sa and a partner....they become your life so much (i know ive been there) esp when you have not many friends they become the centre of your universe which can be kinda bad cos when things go wrong or you break up,youre left broken with an empty world. with not even any friends to help you through it.

This is so true. I felt this way years ago when I broke up with my ex and felt had noone to fall back on.