Back to hell

[Paladin]

Does anyone have advice for a socially inexperienced 23 yr old guy...I'm retaking my 2nd year of uni in Sept and don't want to spend it hiding in my room again

I'm dreading it really though, I have so many bad experiences under my belt now i find it hard to believe things could be any different. I feel like I have no future but I have to do something and I have no option really other than to go back to uni.

I'm like a naive, scared 15 year old in a 23yr olds body, and feel very ashamed of my self. I have to find a way out of this mess before it's too late.

EDIT sorry to be so dramatic. It's not exactly 'back to hell' but can't change the title now lol.

[Rubik]

I found myself hiding in my room a lot at uni. Have you thought about joining any societies?

[BusterBluth]

At least you've made it to uni, more than I could manage. I know how you feel, I always think of myself as being 6 years or something behind my peers thanks to SA and depression and it really kind of is hell a lot of the time.

Not really sure of any advice I could give you... Just don't give up hope I suppose

[peterjohn]

Having hidden away almost completely for 15 months I have just emerged for one week, I convinced myself during my isolation that I couldn't cope with people. I felt that I was never going to get beyond this point. I have now reconnected with old friends and recently gained a very good email friendship. I'm starting to do some voluntary work with Human Writes who befriend prisoners on Death Row in the U.S.A I have been a writer for over 2 years,
I wish for you that you could find a/your way of connecting with people - maybe by joining a uni society.
For so many of us we endure the pain of loneliness. My wish is that you will not continue to feel detached.
I'd be happy to give you more information about myself if you feel that might help.
All the best
Peter

[Shanti]

I suggest getting in touch with the Uni counselling service if they have one- my uni has offered me cbt which I'm starting in August, and I've also had some person centered counselling from them in the 1st year. It's worth asking them if they can offer you it, as it may help with the loneliness and isolation and could teach you practical ways to tackle the social anxiety. Failing that or alongside that I'd give some volunteering a go- I have been really afraid of other students since I've been at uni so I had a look on this website and met some people away from the uni involved in volunteering: do-it.org.uk. It's worth it if just for the practice and then you could join a uni society as a next step? (thats my plan )

[catlover]

Originally Posted by Paladin

Does anyone have advice for a socially inexperienced 23 yr old guy...I'm retaking my 2nd year of uni in Sept and don't want to spend it hiding in my room again

I'm dreading it really though, I have so many bad experiences under my belt now i find it hard to believe things could be any different. I feel like I have no future but I have to do something and I have no option really other than to go back to uni.

I'm like a naive, scared 15 year old in a 23yr olds body, and feel very ashamed of my self. I have to find a way out of this mess before it's too late.

EDIT sorry to be so dramatic. It's not exactly 'back to hell' but can't change the title now lol.

I totally get what you're saying; for me, university really was a living hell. I felt as if I were of a different species, and when you're living in one of the residence halls, the "normal" people tend to gang up on the oddballs. This happens less when you're living off-campus in a private flat (which I prefer).

[Labretkitty]

I am exactly in the same position. September will be retaking my 2nd year and I'm terrified that the new year group will reject me and I will end up too scared to go anywhere near uni. :/

I was able to source some counselling last year, and i will be asking for more sessions as well as referral to a therapist this year, please take good advantage of the mental health services that universities offer, it is their duty to help you. You may also be entitled to disability allowance if your uni will count SA as a mental disability (not that I'm saying it is, but if you can get extra funding, why the hell not try and wing it?)

What living arrangements do you have out of interest? Uni halls can be very isolating and lonely places to live, and not what I would really advise for any SA sufferer. I found that I improved merely by living in a house with people I was comfortable with. Still failed the year mind, but I did improve!

Have you considered any support groups that might be around the area to help get you out the house and combat any loneliness?

[blubs]

Hi,
What kind of place is your Uni in?
If it's a city, big town I'd concentrate on getting to know it, find out what's going on outside of Uni. University can be a horrible bubble where you constantly worry about fitting in & making friends...try & see outside of the bubble. What is your course? Do you know where you want it to lead? Whatever you want your career to be in, look for some voluntary work that might help you in the future.
If you can't cook, learn! Do you like keeping fit? Has your uni got a gym? Get into a good routine of college work, keeping yourself fed, exercise & working hard. Socialise with others that are quiet & kind...DON'T think being at Uni is about making a gazillion friends, sleeping with a gazillion girls & having the 'time of your life'..it's really about learning to be independant & getting a job in the future...so get to know what you want your future to be like.
Sorry if that sounds boring! But I went to uni a few times & dropped out in my 20s because all I cared about was settling in, which I never did...I didn't realise then that if I'd stopped worrying about settling in so much & just got on with my work & looking after myself properly I would probably have managed.

[Memory]

I've been hiding in my room a lot and in September I'll start my final year at university.

Where are you living? If in halls, make sure you hang out in communal areas. Even if you don't talk to anyone else, at least you're there and maybe someone will start a conversation with you. If in a shared house/flat, same applies really. Spend time in the lounge (if you have one) and the kitchen, try and hang out with the people you're sharing with or start off with having conversations with them that may gradually grow to form a friendship.

Go to all your seminars and lectures, and make yourself approachable (don't keep avoiding eye contact and rushing out the minute class finishes etc.) so people can talk to you if they want, or you can talk to them if you're able to.

Join a society. Admittedly, I tried this in my first year and probably gave up too easily on it because no one ever really talked to me. I stopped going and then I felt it was too late to go back so I haven't been back since. But keep at it and maybe you'll make some friends. If nothing else, it gets you out and being with other people.

Student's Union should hold events or you can just hang out there, go for a drink. Perhaps play cards (a one person game obviously) and then someone might see you and want to join you? Something like that anyway.

These are just suggestions. My attempts at socialising have never worked or I don't have the guts to try. Good luck.