The feeling that you're just a liar?

SashaShy · #1 17th July 2011, 13:47

Does anyone else ever get the feeling that your SA is just a lie, that you've made it all up in your own head?

I recently posted a video on youtube where I say that I have SA, and I'm trying to work to get rid of/reduce it. And now I've gotten a comment on that vid saying that I couldn't possibly have SA like them, and that I'm just shy. This comment hurt like hell, it hurts worse than a troll calling me ugly or whatever, because it brands me a liar, and that's something I've always feared myself to be. That I’m just shy, and I should just ‘get over myself’.

But then I look at this forum, and read the threads, and I can relate to every one of them. I was bullied throughout childhood and my teen years for being so quiet, I just finished a college course of 2 years where I didn’t speak to any of my classmates, and didn’t make a single friend, I can’t make phone calls, etc. I’ve been to my GP, had CBT, and been prescribed Diazepam in the past.

I’ve managed to make a lot of improvements in myself over the last 2 years however, so now I have the courage to film myself and post videos on youtube sometimes. My partner has encouraged me to try to go out everyday, and we've gone on daytrips together recently. And I have to tell myself that that person who commented doesn’t know me, and they’re just making assumptions. Yet still, the urge to delete my youtube account is quite strong atm, and I can’t stop shaking. I feel stupid to let someone’s comment get to me so much.

MrMr · #2 17th July 2011, 14:03

Reminds me of a discussion I had with my therapist not too long ago.

I explained to him that I knew it was irrational, and that I have studied the psychology of it, and that logically it must all be in my head...in other words, that I'm not ignorant of the fact that my perception is not real as it were. He replied that whilst that is the case, the feelings do exist, I do feel them, they are there...and therefore they are real and tangible and can not be brushed over as insubstantial.

On the youtube front, I think a lot of aspects of the modern world are possibly unhealthy. I just don'y think we're designed for so much input from so many sources, the whole thing seems to be getting out of hand to me, facebook and whatnot I mean. If you post a video on youtube, it's akin to inviting all the world's wierdo's and their ideas, right into your brain, it's just a bit unnatural I think.

I'm impressed that you did so though, and hope you find it cathartic. Perhaps taking little knocks like that is actually a good thing, and will help you develop a thicker skin, to enable you to move into the real world with greater resilience as to the opinions of others.

Spectrelight · #3 17th July 2011, 14:16

The comment sections on YouTube always get trolled so I wouldn't worry about what anybody says on there - it's not like they'd have the guts to say it to your face if they met you.

Well done for posting video's though, it takes some courage to do that.

Tom123 · #4 17th July 2011, 14:18

I would try not to worry about it. People are a different stages and some people appear to be very bitter about those who have less severe SA than themselves. The person who commented on your vid appears to fit perfectly into that category.

SashaShy · #5 17th July 2011, 14:36

Thanks guys, I've calmed down a bit and won't delete my youtube account.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr31

I explained to him that I knew it was irrational, and that I have studied the psychology of it, and that logically it must all be in my head...in other words, that I'm not ignorant of the fact that my perception is not real as it were. He replied that whilst that is the case, the feelings do exist, I do feel them, they are there...and therefore they are real and tangible and can not be brushed over as insubstantial.

Yeah I know it's irrational too, but it's funny how you can't stop yourself feeling anxious. The feelings are real.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomtom123

I would try not to worry about it. People are a different stages and some people appear to be very bitter about those who have less severe SA than themselves. The person who commented on your vid appears to fit perfectly into that category.

I think this may be the case, I have seen that kinda thing before. I've just got to remember that if I make vids in the future ha. And plus youtube comments really are a cesspit at times.

black_mamba · #6 17th July 2011, 15:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcallmephil

The comment sections on YouTube always get trolled so I wouldn't worry about what anybody says on there - it's not like they'd have the guts to say it to your face if they met you.

Well done for posting video's though, it takes some courage to do that.

Exactly.

YouTube comments are some of the most obnoxious, insulting things I've seen written online. The comment's section are often full of racism, sexism, general bigotry and nastiness. Take no notice whatsoever, or delete the comment if you like.

Most people here know that despite SA, sometimes we can appear "normal" on the surface even though underneath it all we're terrified. Not everyone understands this, least of all people with no appreciation of mental health problems.

Well done on posting the video by the way!!

disdain · #7 17th July 2011, 15:36

Nice on on posting a vid. A lot of people seem to get off on spreading poison and putting others down. It's hard but needs to be ignored.

peterjohn · #8 17th July 2011, 16:08

I feel you've got to a place of being less upset - very well done for doing so and for putting up the post.

Seems to me your making really good progress and my wish is that you continue this way. There may be some knocks along the way but if you keep going then you've won.
Best wishes
Peter