Jobs...

[pinkwafer]

Nearly every week someone will ask me 'what is it you want to go into?'.

It frustrates me greatly because of how my SA is, I feel very, very limited. The kind of jobs I know I would like are out of reach because of this.

I'm doing admin work and I feel trapped. Often I get in low moods and feel like a failure.


Sometimes in these moods I feel there's no point living because I am stuck doing jobs I don't like.


There was never one specific kind of job I wanted, but from a young age I wanted a job that involved directly helping people. As I got older I realised I lack the confidence to be able to do these kind of jobs.


Who else feels this way?

[pinkwafer]

^

what is waving at me meant to mean?

[Toxic]

yep yep yep

i certainly get it every week or so because im signing on

so they ask you for the 3 you want most..i think i have

IT Support (i cant even do this as it needs certs or manning a help desk/phone...and frankly slow people on computers piss me off i can just imagine raging at someone )

IT Technician (no idea what JSA actually class this as..all i know is no jobs Every come under it..id presume its building/installing hardware/possibly repairing machines...easy peasy...except they dont exist)

Data Entry (this was my "well lets pick something more reasonable" that might actually exist...now although i can touch type..i dont type properly and make a fair few mistakes..i can probably do the words per minute most of them requiire providing they dont see how many times i start thumping backspace...) ..but alas...the few data entry jobs ive seen want you to man the phone/general admin and although ive done that for 8 months this year..i just cant do it again!


so i only pick IT mostly because i have a somewhat IT related degree..all the a-levels and whatnot..i spend all my time on pc's ive been building em since i was 12...dabble with a lot of different projects with them..i like them....i like them as a hobby! i noticed in my last job people coming up to me over and over again asking how to change the desktop background or something else trivial made me want to top myself

i dont even know if i could do it as a job for the next 40 years...but what the hell else am i suppose to do? it seems silly to go into something else that id have zero qualifications in..i dont even know what else i like! If i didnt have SA im sure id be at some crappy help desk in pc world now..and although id feel dirty..it would be an alright wage and something good on my CV..and i can do the job..i know i could do the job..if i wasnt such a wreck with people

i dont know...i wish i could just sit in the back of little computer shop building custom machines all day or something..very little people interaction and doing my hobby...but its not looking good!

i cant even do admin myself

[pinkwafer]

^

It's so shit isn't it?

I know people don't understand. Someone at my work yesterday said 'why not go into teaching?'. I think it's a silly thing to say to someone who is clearly very shy. I always get asked to repeat myself because I have trouble speaking loud enough. Something like teaching isn't even possible.


I know I did the wrong degree, and that I have the rest of my life to beat myself up about that.


I couldn't even work in a shop serving customers. I have done this is the past and it was awful.


I mean I could, but I wouldn't enjoy it because of how nervous I feel.


In the job that I just left, there was a couple of times I had to speak to the people coming to the reception desk... I seem to lack that fake, loud voice that comes natural to people in customer facing roles.

[Nat88]

I know exactly what I'd like to work in; unfortunately I dropped out of uni so don't have the degree also working with animals or in wildlife conservation are both very competitive so even people with degrees and experience are struggling! I am fine with animals, I feel most comfortable around them and can have conversations with them (I know, they're coming to take me away ha-ha) but stick me with a couple of people and I'm stumped lol.

Becky, have you considered a career in nursing? I know you generally have to be outgoing and speak to patients, although some of the nurses I've met don't.

[pinkwafer]

^


I did when I was younger, the reason being because I wanted a job that wasn't contributing to making someone richer, and the helping people part...


But I don't really know if it's for me. If it was nursing animals... that's different.

[NC30]

Yeah, I'm in a similar situation, though I'm not qualified.

I'm pretty sure I could be an electrician or some sort of engineer, but instead I've been working in a factory since school, as it's a far "safer" option.

I just take it as a job these days...

[hellsbells2702]

Originally Posted by becky1789

^

I know people don't understand. Someone at my work yesterday said 'why not go into teaching?'. I think it's a silly thing to say to someone who is clearly very shy. I always get asked to repeat myself because I have trouble speaking loud enough. Something like teaching isn't even possible.
.

I realise this may not apply to you, but I'm training to be a teacher and for years felt exactly like you, that I'm far too shy/quiet/sociall anxious etc, and always assumed teaching was just totaly out of the question. It took me 10 years to build up the courage to apply for this teacher training course, but honestly, it's the best thing I ever did & although I still have SA, I have gained so much confidence. I read the best quote ever in this book about teaching - it said that shy, quiet people often make the best teachers as they are often v good listeners, sensitive, caring, perceptive, and able to relate well to the quieter students who are often ignored or picked on by other teachers.

[Paladin]

yeah even though im at uni I feel like I have little prospects cause I'm a mature student and the degree subject isn't that great (politics/sociology) I'm also not really part of clubs or anything at uni :/ feel like I'm wasting my time here a bit

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by NC30

Yeah, I'm in a similar situation, though I'm not qualified.

I'm pretty sure I could be an electrician or some sort of engineer, but instead I've been working in a factory since school, as it's a far "safer" option.

I just take it as a job these days...

Thank you for your reply. A lot of things I do are based around what I consider 'safe'. If I leave my comfort zone, bad things happen. Not always, but often.

Originally Posted by kafkafan

I hate this. First people ask what I do and I have to find a polite way of saying b*gger all. Then they ask what I'd like to be doing and if I say something like admin you can just feel them thinking, "Interesting person I'm talking to here. Her lifelong dream is to do the filing and answer phones."

Basically, I know the kind of job I'd want in the short term, but I can't think in the long term because I assume any job that involves pressure, or selling yourself, or competing, or anything more than basic social interaction, I wouldn't be able to do. So I'm limiting myself, or the SA is limiting me, I don't even know, but either way I feel like a failure, like you say.

Thank you for replying. You sound a lot like me, and it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone in this.


I am exactly the same - I can't even think six months ahead. I have to live day by day. Other people don't seem to understand. Even people in my family who have known me all my life don't understand.

Originally Posted by Spark2

People dont even ask what I want to go into anymore

I think that will come later for me..

Originally Posted by hellsbells2702

I realise this may not apply to you, but I'm training to be a teacher and for years felt exactly like you, that I'm far too shy/quiet/sociall anxious etc, and always assumed teaching was just totaly out of the question. It took me 10 years to build up the courage to apply for this teacher training course, but honestly, it's the best thing I ever did & although I still have SA, I have gained so much confidence. I read the best quote ever in this book about teaching - it said that shy, quiet people often make the best teachers as they are often v good listeners, sensitive, caring, perceptive, and able to relate well to the quieter students who are often ignored or picked on by other teachers.

Thank you for replying, and I am glad you have because you have given me hope. Not specifically because teaching is something I want to go into (honestly, I can't even think ahead I am trying to deal with issues to do with depression etc right now, makes it difficult), but because as you said, you did build up the courage to go and do it, and I'm happy for you that you have


Good luck with the training


I know I won't give up on myself. I am too stubborn for one thing.

Originally Posted by Paladin

yeah even though im at uni I feel like I have little prospects cause I'm a mature student and the degree subject isn't that great (politics/sociology) I'm also not really part of clubs or anything at uni :/ feel like I'm wasting my time here a bit

That you've gone to uni as a mature student shows you have determination. A degree is only worthless if you don't value education.


not a waste of time.

[blubs]

Originally Posted by becky1789

^

what is waving at me meant to mean?

You asked if anyone else felt like that. I think waving at you just meant 'I do'

I didn't post it but that is what I would have thought it meant.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by becky1789

I wanted a job that wasn't contributing to making someone richer

i've never thought of putting it into those words but I think that's an admirable value to maintain. I've done all sorts of jobs but I've never been very career orientated, like I've known some people who would knife you in the back to clamber up the next rung of the corporate ladder. my philosophy now is to find a balance between a lifestyle I can comfortably pay for and a job I don't mind doing which pays for it. Yes your job shouldn't be a complete pain in the arse but neither should it define who you are. find something you don't hate and let it pay for a life you love.

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by blubs

You asked if anyone else felt like that. I think waving at you just meant 'I do'

I didn't post it but that is what I would have thought it meant.

Ah, ok, whops.

I interpreted it meaning something bad.

Originally Posted by -Simon-

i've never thought of putting it into those words but I think that's an admirable value to maintain. I've done all sorts of jobs but I've never been very career orientated, like I've known some people who would knife you in the back to clamber up the next rung of the corporate ladder. my philosophy now is to find a balance between a lifestyle I can comfortably pay for and a job I don't mind doing which pays for it. Yes your job shouldn't be a complete pain in the arse but neither should it define who you are. find something you don't hate and let it pay for a life you love.

Thank you, and thanks for your advise.

I'm definitely not career orientated, and not a materialistic person. Considering how my mental health is, this comes first for me. I just want to try to improve myself in that regard. I am so afraid of slipping back into what I once was.


I know I have to work in the public sector, or a charity... and even still it annoys me how the people who get paid the most generally do the least work. I know that's just the way it is, but I hate it.


I really like yours words that I put in bold

[londonsquirrel]

I feel exactly the same I'm stuck in a job that makes me anxious all day. There are jobs I'd love to do like teaching or events planning, but I can't do those jobs with who I am. I really hope you find a job that makes you happy

[Soylent Red]

I work in a job where I regularly have to deliver presentations and in the foreseeable future will have to deliver training to all new starters.

Can't say I don't sit and wish I had studied computer science so that I could hide away somewhere - but find something that motivates you more than your phobia.. be it money, desire, competitiveness or just a flat out need to make the most of your life.

The more you want what a career provides - the more you'll risk for it.

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by londonsquirrel

I feel exactly the same I'm stuck in a job that makes me anxious all day. There are jobs I'd love to do like teaching or events planning, but I can't do those jobs with who I am. I really hope you find a job that makes you happy

thank you, and I hope you do too

Originally Posted by 1moomin

The jobs I want are going to take a constant improvement from me. Although I first started heading towards them I was 19 and now I'm 26 so I've already changed a lot as I expected.

Always saw myself as growing in confidence in the future. It's not possible to stay the same forever, well if you live, do new things and dont self limit that is. Was just coming out of being seriously bdd/agoraphobic.

Was really tempted to do open university at several points because I learn better in self motivated study anyway and could avoid difficult social sides, group work and presentations. However, thought it would help with social aspects and also public speaking etc.. which all adds to skills for my chosen career and also general SA.

If you cant jump into the dream job because you are not ready then get ready gradually! Even if doing some voluntary that have similar roles, tasks. You can do bloody anything but have to put the work in exposure wise. May take a few years, or more both qualification wise and personally working on SA/avoidance.

This is inspirational, thank you.

I think what bothers me is people's reactions, rather than anything else. For example, my friend emailed me today asking 'what permanent jobs are you going to apply for?', I have told this friend lots of times that my focus for now is my mental health. Then I got a phone call just a few minutes ago from my university, the woman asked what I am doing, and then she was like 'umm ok, have you been applying for jobs?'.

I get it a lot from my eldest brother, too. I find it very frustrating, and it leaves me feeling like crap.


Basically, all my teen years were spent avoiding social interaction as much as possible because of how I physically reacted to them. At some point I decided alcohol helped, and would use it before having to 'face' people.


So I know that really I have done ok to of got myself out of that rut, though I still have an awful long way to go. But all other people seem to do is push their ideas onto me.


It is fantastic to hear that you've been working at yourself for seven years. You should feel very proud


And you're right - this is something that for me needs to be done gradually. I can't just magic myself into a different person.

Originally Posted by Soylent Red

I work in a job where I regularly have to deliver presentations and in the foreseeable future will have to deliver training to all new starters.

Can't say I don't sit and wish I had studied computer science so that I could hide away somewhere - but find something that motivates you more than your phobia.. be it money, desire, competitiveness or just a flat out need to make the most of your life.

The more you want what a career provides - the more you'll risk for it.

I am not career minded. I just want happiness and love. Happiness for me doesn't come in social status or material goods. Yes, I am very weird.


I certainly don't want to waste my life, though. I also definitely don't want to be doing this kind of job forever. I think in time the right job will come to me, and that I should probably stop getting all stressed about it all.

[Soylent Red]

Originally Posted by becky1789

I am not career minded. I just want happiness and love. Happiness for me doesn't come in social status or material goods. Yes, I am very weird.

I certainly don't want to waste my life, though. I also definitely don't want to be doing this kind of job forever. I think in time the right job will come to me, and that I should probably stop getting all stressed about it all.

Not weird at all - in which case you shouldn't really worry about pushing yourself for some epic career. If, as the other thread is suggesting, social anxiety never really goes away - then putting yourself into a career that will frequently make you uncomfortable and is offset by minimal personal gains is likely to be a complete waste of energy. Unless you choose to do it just to fight the good fight.

Although personally I relish the recognition that comes from a job well done. That and the money for a fast car.

[Toxic]

no im certainly not career minded also..maybe im a little more material orientated though

i dont care for huge houses and fancy cars/holidays and whatnot...if i can afford to live in a nice enough place..with my planned home theater ill be as happy as i ever could

i get the not wanting to waste life bit...though..i mean i think i really am wasting mine at the mo being unemployed not exactly doing anything...i dont know what i can think of that i would look back on in my 60's and think..well that was a productive 40 years of employment..no i suspect everything will be a waste of time..something i dislike just because "you have to"

i dont really have any belief anything positive is going to come my way though..it would be nice to feel that way i think im about given up..im gonna get tore a new arsehole tomorrow at JSA

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by Soylent Red

Not weird at all - in which case you shouldn't really worry about pushing yourself for some epic career. If, as the other thread is suggesting, social anxiety never really goes away - then putting yourself into a career that will frequently make you uncomfortable and is offset by minimal personal gains is likely to be a complete waste of energy. Unless you choose to do it just to fight the good fight.

Although personally I relish the recognition that comes from a job well done. That and the money for a fast car.

As I said before, I would like a job where I feel I am helping others, and not helping someone (including myself) become rich. Money is nice but I value friendship and love much more.


I have views on Capitalism that are somewhat controversial, lets just leave it at that.


I do want to push myself because I believe in personal growth, and I do believe that I can overcome SA. My basis for this is if I compare myself to say two years ago.

Originally Posted by Toxic

no im certainly not career minded also..maybe im a little more material orientated though

i dont care for huge houses and fancy cars/holidays and whatnot...if i can afford to live in a nice enough place..with my planned home theater ill be as happy as i ever could

i get the not wanting to waste life bit...though..i mean i think i really am wasting mine at the mo being unemployed not exactly doing anything...i dont know what i can think of that i would look back on in my 60's and think..well that was a productive 40 years of employment..no i suspect everything will be a waste of time..something i dislike just because "you have to"

i dont really have any belief anything positive is going to come my way though..it would be nice to feel that way i think im about given up..im gonna get tore a new arsehole tomorrow at JSA

I like films dvds not expensive


Wasting for your life for whom, though?


Most people spend their whole lives working like a dog with little to show for it. Manual labour knackers the body, mental labour exhausts people's mental health.


Meanwhile, some manager sits on his arse all day doing as little as possible, taking extended breaks... (yes, I know not all managers are like this).


I dunno, I have a different outlook on life to most people. But then again, I suffer from what appears to be manic depression, and my opinions can change depending on what mood I'm in *shrugs*


I think people give different meanings to their own lives. Unfortunately, we live in a society whereby most people accept the status quo... they don't question anything, and just go along with what society tells them they should want i.e. house, career, children. People who don't do all this are seen by a lot of people as failures... losers. These shared goals keep the rich rich and the poor poor. I'm unimpressed by all of it.


I can't help but want to burst into hysterics when I see all the people on a morning in the train station... in their drab clothing... marching like drones to the ticket barrier... all contributing to what is essentially nothingness. Instead, I walk among them, feeling alienated, and disheartened because I know that most people don't have these thoughts.

[Toxic]

makes sense

i never wanted to be one of those 9-5 "drones" just doing what everyone else is doing because thats the expected norm

i personally would rather do some freelance bits and pieces here and there...keep things different gives me chance to do some work at 3am if i want...or not at all..then 12hrs the next day, would be able to work from home..or visit a "client" perhaps, like im doing now making this website for a friends business..im happier now than when i had a job

unfortunatly..i cant afford to live like this..im only getting money in £50 chunks here and there, its better than nothing but its just not lasting

not really sure on the alternatives.."money makes the world go round" and everything...i feel im "wasting my life" compared to my friends earning 30 grand a year, in the sense i cant afford my own place and their lives seem to be just so much ..better..but even when i had a job it was stressing me out for various reasons

hm, i dont really know what im trying to say

[Phool]

I started out doing admin work and like you I just wanted to do something useful forsociety. I didn't plan my career it just sort of happened. I think a lot of people just drift into things unless they have a calling such as being a doctor or teacher.

Would working in charity suit you?

[teacheraid]

Absolutely feel this way and Im also in admin. I have friends that have degrees and are doing really well and they always ask me what am I going to do? I feel the same way...stuck. What I would like to do I have failed miserably at due to my SA which brings me back to the same old job again and again.

I try to think of all those other people that had to give up their dreams for various reasons like having children or whatever and slot myself in the same catergory, but it is a hard one to stomach

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by Toxic

makes sense

i never wanted to be one of those 9-5 "drones" just doing what everyone else is doing because thats the expected norm

i personally would rather do some freelance bits and pieces here and there...keep things different gives me chance to do some work at 3am if i want...or not at all..then 12hrs the next day, would be able to work from home..or visit a "client" perhaps, like im doing now making this website for a friends business..im happier now than when i had a job

unfortunatly..i cant afford to live like this..im only getting money in £50 chunks here and there, its better than nothing but its just not lasting

not really sure on the alternatives.."money makes the world go round" and everything...i feel im "wasting my life" compared to my friends earning 30 grand a year, in the sense i cant afford my own place and their lives seem to be just so much ..better..but even when i had a job it was stressing me out for various reasons

hm, i dont really know what im trying to say

That's just it, you've hit the nail on the head. There is no alternative. I can't just say bugger it, and go live in a cave (cries). lol


They've trapped us. I like to think I am just playing the game. That's what I tell myself all the time. It is the most boring game I've ever played though.

Originally Posted by Phool

I started out doing admin work and like you I just wanted to do something useful forsociety. I didn't plan my career it just sort of happened. I think a lot of people just drift into things unless they have a calling such as being a doctor or teacher.

Would working in charity suit you?

I am hoping things will just fall into place for me, too.


I'd like to work for a charity, BUT if it was a really boring admin job, unless it was the right environment I don't think I'd wanna stick it for longer than a year or so. I seem to have such a low attention span.


May I ask what job it is that you ended up doing?

Originally Posted by teacheraid

Absolutely feel this way and Im also in admin. I have friends that have degrees and are doing really well and they always ask me what am I going to do? I feel the same way...stuck. What I would like to do I have failed miserably at due to my SA which brings me back to the same old job again and again.

I try to think of all those other people that had to give up their dreams for various reasons like having children or whatever and slot myself in the same catergory, but it is a hard one to stomach

What was it you wanted to do?

The thing is with me, I've never really had a clear idea. If there is something you really, really want... don't let SA stop you. You live once, go for it.



I think what bothers me about this job atm and it's quite a silly reason is this - though the people are nice, the women are so, so feminine I feel like such an outcast, you know? I've worked with mostly men before, and I liked that better. Maybe it's just in my head, but I'm scared they'll judge me because I don't plaster myself in makeup and put a frock on in the morning.

[bluefairy]

At the moment I'm volunteering in animal care, it seems to be the best kind of work I've found yet, fortunately I have a mentor who goes with me who pretty much does the talking for me which takes a lot of pressure off me. Hopefully I can get a job soon, as long as I get the right help, even though at the jobcentre they only have me down as just having confidence issues.

[Phool]

Originally Posted by becky1789

I am hoping things will just fall into place for me, too.


I'd like to work for a charity, BUT if it was a really boring admin job, unless it was the right environment I don't think I'd wanna stick it for longer than a year or so. I seem to have such a low attention span.


May I ask what you ended up doing?

Well I became a research and policy officer in the civil service. I've had an interesting and varied career working on different projects but I opted for voluntary redundancy so that I can move to the not-for-profit sector. Currently job hunting.Try www.thirdsector.co.uk or www.charityjob.co.uk.


I guess what I was trying to say was it took doing the admin role to see what kind of jobs people did to work out what I could do.

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by bluefairy

At the moment I'm volunteering in animal care, it seems to be the best kind of work I've found yet, fortunately I have a mentor who goes with me who pretty much does the talking for me which takes a lot of pressure off me. Hopefully I can get a job soon, as long as I get the right help, even though at the jobcentre they only have me down as just having confidence issues.

I hope you do, too

Originally Posted by Phool

Well I became a research and policy officer in the civil service. I've had an interesting and varied career working on different projects but I opted for voluntary redundancy so that I can move to the not-for-profit sector. Currently job hunting.Try www.thirdsector.co.uk or www.charityjob.co.uk.


I guess what I was trying to say was it took doing the admin role to see what kind of jobs people did to work out what I could do.

thanks for them links, and for answering my question

I think at least with temping as I am, I am getting to see what I like/don't like.

[Emski]

I do know this can me a very boring job, but in two weeks time, I may have a temp job with Royal Mail in a massive sorting office.

People there keep themselves to themselves, stick headphones in and just get on with it, sounds like a perfect SA job lol.

[pinkwafer]

Originally Posted by Spark2

A lot of charities offer internships, that's how some people I know got into the not-for-profit sector

I will look into this. My problem is I don't interview well at all...

Originally Posted by Emski

I do know this can me a very boring job, but in two weeks time, I may have a temp job with Royal Mail in a massive sorting office.

People there keep themselves to themselves, stick headphones in and just get on with it, sounds like a perfect SA job lol.

There was a post room in the hospital where I worked, and every time I went into it I thought 'I wanna work in here'.

Maybe when this job ends I'll get a call saying they have me a temp job there lol

[benji1]

wish i could help but i'm in the same situation.

[pinkwafer]

^

it's ok :P

Meh, whatever happens will happen.