On Fear

[Ronnie_Pickering]

Originally Posted by The Pacific Institute

"Putting Fear in its Place"

Nothing blocks change quite the way fear does, and when its power is greater than your power to push through it, fear is devastating. We can see evidence of this every day in the news. However, thirty years ago, in his 1989 publication, "Getting Unstuck," Dr. Sidney Simon discussed ten ways fear blocks change, and today that information bears repeating. You see, the power of fear, unchecked, hasn't changed.

Fear persuades you to do less than you are capable of doing. It triggers internal defense systems and fools you into thinking that you have perfectly good reasons not to change. Fear, particularly fear of making mistakes, causes indecisiveness and stops you from knowing what you really want. It warps your perception of your life and what you can do to make it better.

Fear keeps you from asking for help when you need it or benefiting from the emotional support offered to you. To calm your fears, you develop unhealthy habits and behavior patterns. Fear makes you give up one step short of your goal. And finally, fear keeps you from taking the risks necessary for growth.

Fear can control your life if you let it. But you can push through it if you can relax physically and mentally, and develop the habit of taking well-chosen risks - small ones at first, then bigger ones. Affirmations and visualizations are a great help too. If you get into the habit of vividly seeing yourself achieve success in areas of your life that are important to you, you can overcome the paralyzing effects of fear and move confidently into the well-lived life you deserve.

What fears do you have that are preventing you from positive change? Actually writing out your fears makes them somewhat smaller and easier to look at and deal with. It gets them out of the realm of your head, and onto the finite space of a piece of paper. Once they are down on paper, shat steps, even if they are small ones at first, can you take today, or this week?

[endo_endo]

That's a good read.

My fear is that I will die alone and watch my friends and family move on with life while I stay trapped by things I can't get out from under.

I push back against the that stuff but the big thing is expressing interest in someone else. I normally don't say the nice things in my head should they be mistake as romantic interest

[newbs16]

^what happened to the girl on the train?

[endo_endo]

Originally Posted by newbs16

^what happened to the girl on the train?

That was me pushing back against my fears, she wasn't interested in me so I backed off. That uncertainty is why I struggle. I find it very hard to judge other people and worry about getting it wrong. Overstepping or making someone else feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Any fears you have newbs that you want to share?

[Jen.]

I thought you were talking about the terrible book for a second What was it - a public transport crush?

[endo_endo]

Originally Posted by jen.m.

I thought you were talking about the terrible book for a second What was it - a public transport crush?

Oh God yeah. She was understated but classically beautiful with a grace and charm I don't normally see when I look at other people. I gave her my number in a Christmas card and we talked for a bit but she didn't call or text.

[Jen.]

Ah right. I guess we all have one of those. At least you tried though - better to do that and know the answer instead of always wondering

[Utopia]

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" is a decent book by an american psycologist, with some good points about tackling fear. The human mind has evolved to keep us safe, although fear of certain things is quite often unwarranted and I've definitely picked things up from that book that have stayed with my personality today; it wasn't what cured my anxiety, obviously some of us naturally get more anxious than others and simply willing it out of existence isn't all there is to it. If you are determined enough, it's possible to improve your condition. I've personally witnessed this in someone who was kind of facing their fears because they were more in denial, but she was agoraphobic and hadn't left the house in years, so I think I kind of inspired her in a way, because I get anxiety but just do things anyway.

[endo_endo]

Originally Posted by Utopia

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" is a decent book by an american psycologist, with some good points about tackling fear. The human mind has evolved to keep us safe, although fear of certain things is quite often unwarranted and I've definitely picked things up from that book that have stayed with my personality today; it wasn't what cured my anxiety, obviously some of us naturally get more anxious than others and simply willing it out of existence isn't all there is to it. If you are determined enough, it's possible to improve your condition. I've personally witnessed this in someone who was kind of facing their fears because they were more in denial, but she was agoraphobic and hadn't left the house in years, so I think I kind of inspired her in a way, because I get anxiety but just do things anyway.

That's really good. I've not read it but will take a look thank you

[Seagull]

I didn’t even know who B list celebrity Ant Middleton was until I got his latest book ‘The Fear Bubble’ out of the library (use them or lose them gang!) last week, having previously sworn never to pick up another bloody self help book, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised and found some good stuff in it. All in all a completely fresh and unique take on viewing, approaching and ultimately conquering fear.