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#1
8th June 2011, 15:01
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Ive had 5 better working days than Ive ever had by working on my thinking
Before I came on this site I was constantly freeting about not being liked, accepted, maybe im wierd or ppl just are just not interested in me etc
After 2 days off sick with depression and feeling shitty I went to DR and decided not to have any meds as never had before. I went back to work bout 5 days ago and reminded myself of the following when ever i engaged or was around others and felt uncomfortable :- 1) You have no clue what is going on in my head or how i really feel. same goes for you. 2)I kept replacing every anxious/unhelpfull thought with 'Happiness is a state of mind' 3)I kept reminding myself -Im normal,I like myself, I have lots to offer, im just as equal as youself,everybodys different, the main common thread is we all do the same job! 4)Im gonna be myself and nothing and no one is gonna stop me. 5) There are more than likely people around me rite now whom also have SA as I now know there are millions. 6)Im gonna talk and engage when i have something to say regardless, everybody else does! I found when I did the above iv had the best days at work ever! Also when i did have a SA attack in relation to me feeling ive done something wrong or just feeling self concious. I told myself "if there just moody, thats there problem, il remain unchanged by their actions, and when oppoutunity comes and we engage naturally, they'll see i wasnt affected by their moody offish actions.This was a huge breakthrough as this proved to myself there ways had nothing to do with me at all. It was all in my head! And when we did engage again they were just the same as before they appeared moody and offish! I feel we can create problems for ourselves when we spend so much time trying to work out everybody elses character good and bad, and dont focus on ourselves, and realise we must look after our own self and not try and manage everybody elses emotions flaws and behaviours. I also asked myself whenever I thought id done something or ppl appeared dis interested or something. "WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE FOR YOUR THIKNING AND FEELINGS ?" If there werent any rational evidence and I know Id done nothing to them i did my best to keep repeating this quote i found 'Happiness is a state of mind' Honestly, i must have repeated this quote the past few days over 500 times lol. As The more i siad this i realised being happy come from a healthy rational mind first. If i told myself i was happy, and everything was ok with the world, nothing could really dismiss that and id start to feel happy too. As oppose to thinking ' im scared, everyones always looking at me juding me' that maybe true,but maybe they look so much because they actually like me or think im attractive. Never believed that before, but thinking that def helped me relax and not withdraw from others in a panic. I spend far to much time trying to read other peoples minds, ways, behaviours, looks and stares that I loose myself! This does not help with SA. My SA is still there and triggers at work/socials most times, but im gonna try keep doin above. I think most people want to get on with everyone and make friends and share. Most people dont want to hate people in their hearts especially when were good nice people.Think about it. Why would any person want to dislike someone who aint done anything to them ? Yep were not all gonna like each other and have lots in common, and thats ok. But when we mix up expecting and wanting friendship and the other person not wanting the same, thats when we leave it as a curtious interaction. Maybe they dont have the confidence to be our friends. Who knows. As long as we dont allow others to over shadow who we are and our self worth and love. After years from a school child, off fearing rejection and having ppl come and go and believing I were strange. Im realising that I have done that to myself. ive almost accepted these negative experiences and fellings to become acceptance for how my life will be. Well not anymore, as I wont live past 30 if i continue thinking that i am strange and clueless and nobody wants to get on with me and get on with me. We decide to hold back due to fear. but remember 'FEAR IS ONLY A FEELING,IT CANNOT HOLD ME BACK' I think its actually ok to not know everything and not be the leader in conversations and always have something interesting to say. But if i wanna say something and contribute to the covo I will. As thats me allowing others to see what im about. If I keep it inside in fear that they'll ignore me or dismiss me they never get to know me. And if i do feel ignored or dismissed, Il challenge how its made me feel and whether Il let it go or repeat what ive said! Also il remember that its not everyone who does that, it may just be that person. I got long way to go, but thought id share hope this helps. your not alone.  Kammy |
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#2
8th June 2011, 15:45
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Re: Ive had 5 better working days than Ive ever had by working on my thinking
Yes, Kammy! Glad it is clicking for you. This is imo the start of overcoming SA, challenging your automatic negative thoughts and beginning to replace them with evidence and in turn, building social confidence.
Its just the start is so difficult when you have trained your brain to think negatively. Keep going mate, I'm trying with you 
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