Contemplating going out drinking on my own.

[brian_maiden]

I'm contemplating going out drinking this sunday or monday night all on my own, and hoping that I can find some people to talk to and ultimately hoping to make some friends!

There is an alternative music night on at one of the local bars on sunday night, which is something that NEVER happens around here, and it would be a shame to miss it. Firstly because it will make a change to go to a bar where they are playing decent music for a change... and 2 because I think there is a lot more chance of me meeting people at a night like that, than on any other night.

Also on Monday night, one of my facebook 'friends' is having birthday drinks at a bar in town, and then off to a club. I've only met her the once, barely exchanged 2 words to her, and never speak to her on facebook as I don't know what to say, but I received an invite on there (probably a mass invite to everyone). She seems cool and stuff, and I would like to be friends with her, also I know that there will probably be a lot of people out who I have mutual friends with, so we will recognise each other, even if we don't know each other... so this is another one of those potential opportunities that could be to good to miss.

Thing is I have nobody to go with, so if I decide to go to either of them, it will be a case of going on my own, and trying to speak to people eek!... I'm worried about turning up to this girls birthday and talking to people that I recognise from mutual friends, and they will think I am some nutter, or just a loser trying to tag along with them for the night, when really they'd rather I left them alone... or that if I go to the night on Sunday, that I will just stand there for an hour or so, all on my own, looking like a lemon... then go home... I'm sure you all know the sorts of fears I am worrying about! :rolleyes:

I guess if I go, don't talk to anyone and leave, at least I've not lost anything... I can just go home and watch telly... but still the thought of it is rather scarey...

Don't know what I'm really getting at with this thread, or if I am really asking for any advice as such... just wanted to post this and see what people say...

[Jaffaholic]

i was thinking of the same thing...well i thought off going to the pub.

i set out, got there, saw 3 people at the door...

then chickened and ran away...

i really really doubt u can go there alone, it has to be with someone atleast.

well those are my thoughts =/

[Jaffaholic]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Presumablly they were the bouncers.

am guessing they bounce uninvited people away.. right? lol

well i was like the usual

'not gona get my self into an embarassing situation'

then fled.

EDIT: LOL i just typed bouncer on wikipedia. 'a person who provides security and deals with disorderly people in a public venue'

i fail -_-

[Blumoon]

Ooh [h] my dad was a bouncerr
x

[Jaffaholic]

Originally Posted by abc2

I tried going out on my own once and it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life.

amagad, where did you go?

[brian_maiden]

Even confident people find it nerve wracking going out on there own. I told my friend I was thinking of doing it, and even she says she finds it hard, and she's one of the most confident people I know.

I wouldn't even be considering it if I wasn't desperate. But I really really need to meet some new people.

If it was just a case of going to to any old pub on any old night, I'd probably put it off, and keep putting it off week after week, because there would be no pressure or dead line... but these 2 nights are not something that isn't likely to come around again anytime soon, and I know if I don't go I will wish I had...

But it's still a really really scarey prospect

[johnshy]

I do this sometimes thinking exactly the same (I'll make new friends) but since I shy away in a corner anyway this is never the case

The last time I did it I ended up in the same pub as one of my work colleagues was in with their friends so I looked a complete loner and that has put me off a lot.

[Jaffaholic]

tbh i now think you should, try ur best and attend the music thing.

er...the facebook party is probably not a good idea since you have only exchanged few words with her, well thats my opinion.

i would be more up for something that hasnt happened before i.e the music thing than another facebook party?

do your best! succeed where some of us have failed ><

[and i will personally call u and say congrats hehe] xD

[brian_maiden]

Originally Posted by mikey77

Well I have been to pubs where my work colleagues were in small groups and in that case it is much easier to go in. I find it hard to go anywhere on my own and have also chickened out in the past.

I hope you are able to do it as an example to the rest of us. If not then make it an aim for the future. The best I am doing at the mo is coffee shops, which can be lame. I was in two different ones yesterday, and I don't even like coffee that much when I am out.

I've done the coffee shop thing a couple of times... didn't speak to anybody, as again I was worried I'd come across as a nutter... but I wanted to prove to myself I could at least go on my own... I think there is a lot less pressure with that, as you can sit there on your own, drinking what ever it is you're drinking, reading a magazine or something, and people wont look at you like some sad weirdo who is all on his own... where as in a pub, I worry that is what people will think...

I find it hard enough to go into a place on my own even if I know I am going to be meeting someone! I always ask to meet outside so we can walk in together... I'm not quite sure how I will manage it when I know that I wont be meeting up with someone

[flowergirl]

I really wouldn't know what to do with myself being in a pub or bar on my own. :yikes:

[brian_maiden]

I imagine it is something 'normal people' do all the time... going out to a pub or a club, and going on the pull... it probably goes on every night of the week in every pub in the country... or so I imagine anyway...

That's basically what I would be doing... although I'd be looking for friends and not to get laid... so in that sense it should be easier and more socially acceptable you would think...

...Typing all that doesn't actually make me feel any more confident about it though unfortunatly

[brian_maiden]

I think if I was to sit reading at either of these nights, a sore thumb is exactly what I would look like! lol

[brian_maiden]

Originally Posted by mikey77

What's wrong with reading Private Eye at a thrash metal gig?

Better than the daily mail I suppose

[gSteve]

I always used to think of going out on my own. I once went out on a new years eve on my own as I didn't want to be alone again, so I went to a small nightclub in a nearby town and sort of stood in there for a few hours. I left after midnight and walked about 5 miles home as I was too nervous to get a taxi. :rolleyes:

[Jaffaholic]

Originally Posted by gSteve

I always used to think of going out on my own. I once went out on a new years eve on my own as I didn't want to be alone again, so I went to a small nightclub in a nearby town and sort of stood in there for a few hours. I left after midnight and walked about 5 miles home as I was too nervous to get a taxi. :rolleyes:

oh my

Originally Posted by Aquarius

I usually bring a newspaper or book with me to read. That way, I don't feel I stick out like a sore thumb!

I could definitely do that on my own in a very quiet pub but I'd feel very self-conscious. I might try it one day, though.

[Arfed]

It sounds like a good idea, a great opportunity to meet people; you should go.

If you're worried about it not working out, then resolve to go for at least the first 10 minutes, with the option of leaving after that; just to see what it's like. (I think something similar to that was posted in this forum a while back)

Originally Posted by mikey77

In any case, whether our experiences are negative or positive it is always difficult to know how much this is down to subjective experience and behaviour when in the social situation. This is an SA forum after all. I suppose stories of social experiences are always going to be skewed towards the negative / uncomfortabe angle due to what goes on in our own minds.

Absolutely; I think it's important to try and recognize thoughts/responses which are more 'SA thinking' than rational, and to try and counter them mentally, so that they don't dissuade you. If your constantly worrying, getting that 'anticipatory anxiety' leading up to the events, then maybe try to distract yourself from these thoughts somehow.

Originally Posted by Arfed

If you're worried about it not working out, then resolve to go for at least the first 10 minutes, with the option of leaving after that; just to see what it's like. (I think something similar to that was posted in this forum a while back)

Originally Posted by cj0hn0

You should!!! You might feel nervous but it is worth it. I had a swift pint by myself tonight befoer heading out. Just sat and read the paper, before almost missing my taxi onwards. Its perfectly ok to sit by yourself in a pub like; you should really give it a try, if going for a pint is something you feel you might enjoy. I mean if I see someone by themeslves I just think "that bloke just fancies a beer and a read of the paper", nothing more nothing less.

I will

I don't partake in alcohol but I could have a shandy, I suppose.

[Whalewolf]

Do one thing that scares you every day, so you go girl!

[brian_maiden]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

I've been out with my pals and random people have approached us on their own and tried to make friend but they are always pretty weird.

Yeah ditto! there is always one weirdo person who seems to have escaped from the ward for a night, and I've encountered these people many times... that's why I am worried these people will think I am like that... which I know I am not... but still.

Rationally, I know that if I go and end up standing on my own, people probably wont even notice... they will be to busy enjoying themselves and concentrating on their own friends to even notice me... I know when I am out, I pay very little attention to the people around me and am to busy concentrating on the people I am with... but still, SA isn't always rational unfortunately :rolleyes:

[Jaffaholic]

Some more thoughts-
am thinking that even if you u where able to go.
at the end of the day even if u enjoyed it or not, you probably wouldnt ave made many friends, or any at all. then we would be back to square one
so the solution is to with someone, but then who?
gah....
someone suggested i get a job because that is a good place to try to get rid of my shyness, unlike colledge where we are to be silent most of the time and learn.
i have applied for one job woo.

[brian_maiden]

nope, doesn't look like it :rolleyes:

Not really feeling that great tonight

I was feeling unusually ok when I posted this thread, and felt like I might be able to do it... but not tonight.

Perhaps I will tomorrow...

[Lynchy]

Originally Posted by brian_maiden

I'm contemplating going out drinking this sunday or monday night all on my own, and hoping that I can find some people to talk to and ultimately hoping to make some friends!

When you find yourself lying in the rain with the piss coming down and your too drunk to care and the police bundle you off to the station and put you up for the night.

then you know it's not a good idea to drink on one's own

You however look like your not the sort to cause trouble when bevvied up so i'd give it a try if i were you.

[hardy]

I dont see much point in going to a pub on your own if you have SA . Despite what the self help books and novels say, most people there will have come in with their mates . theyre not really walking in off the street and chatting to perfect strangers. ( ok some will but theyre a small minority) So why waste your time ? If youre not anxious you'll just be bored .