Best Books? Jon Mercers 'Socail Stratergies'

[challangerchris]

OK, so that was the worst Xmas/NY i've ever experienced, sat in on my own last night - forced myself to sleep at 10:30 so I didnt have to listen to neighbours all laughing and having fun.

Woke up this morning feeling utterly ashamed, I know whats coming next, when I go back to work people will ask me what I did NYE.


2009 I must try overcome this acute shyness/SA or whatever i'm labelled as. All I know is i've always been shy, I feel anxious just thinknig about having fun - and now everyone seems to have a Xbox or Wii with that singstar/rockstar stuff, getting up in front of others really makes me feel ill.

I've read the sticky about what books to read, but there are so many, I don't have bundles of cash sitting round so want to get the best help for myself without spending £100's of pounds on stuff that is useless (wrong attitude maybe)

Also, does anyone know about the 'social stratergies' by a bloke called Jon Mercer? Is it a scam? Jon Mercer reckons he went through acute shyness/SA so understands better than any expert who is doing their job purely for the money and not really care about the problem.


Any help would be appreciated!

[*bambi*]

I'm not sure about Jon Mercer to be honest. He's got a website where he is selling audio CDs on the same social strategies, charges a lot of money (but has a 'special offer' slightly cheaper) for them and promises miracle cures.

It really depends on what you like and what helps you personally best. One book I really liked (and which has often been recommended on this forum as well) was 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' by Gillian Butler. It guides you through small steps you can take to start fighting SA and it also explains in detail how we behave the way we do.

Also, have you thought about joining a support group in your area?

[whateverwhatever44]

Paul Mckenna's confidence book is good.

[bakerosaurus]

'CBT for dummies' £15.99 covers pretty much everything!

[Pal]

Also, does anyone know about the 'social stratergies' by a bloke called Jon Mercer? Is it a scam? Jon Mercer reckons he went through acute shyness/SA so understands better than any expert who is doing their job purely for the money and not really care about the problem.

That comment alone raises eyebrows with me.

[sexiboy2008]

For those who are experiencing social anxiety, or even anxiety resulting from a number of other causes, I'd like to suggest a quick read of three books that might be of significant help to you. I first read them in 1969, and I've have become completely sold on them for their effectiveness. These are written by M.D.'s (though the first book was written by a dentist). The techniques described in these books have been widely applied by psychologists and other health professionals since about the mid-1950's. What the experts have discovered is that anxiety doesn't materialize to any significant degree if the muscles of the body are relaxed. Surprisingly enough, eliminating the anxiety is not a mental thing (though mental approaches may be of help in some cases). What you have to do is to train your muscles to stay relaxed in the presence of anxiety-provoking stimuli. After weeks of exposure to these stimuli, your body and your mind learn to cope with these stresses without excess muscle tension and without anxiety. Someone who pursues this method vigorously will probably notice a very slight improvement in a week, a noticeable improvement in a month, and nearly complete improvement in six to nine months. It sounds weird, but it works!

I can attest, from my own personal experience (over decades), that the techniques are EXTREMELY effective -- but only if you master them and incorporate them into your daily living as the automatic, habitual way you react to things around you, such as the people you interact with.

In addition to a substantial reduction of social anxiety, other "side effects" you might notice after applying these techniques, even for a short time, are:
1. very sound sleep -- in the morning I wake up extremely rested, and often in exactly the same position as when I went to bed. (When I'm extremely relaxed at bedtime, I apparently don't toss and turn at night like I used to do)
2. much more energy at the end of a work day -- not exhausted
3. able to interact with people more easily -- you're easier to get along with, and your new disposition makes them easier to get along with too
4. substantially reduced shyness
5. little things tend not to bother you
6. able to handle anxiety-producing situations much better, and you tend handle them instead of avoid them like you used to do
7. able to concentrate better -- for example, my reading speed tends to increase automatically, without even trying

The three books I'd like to recommend are shown below. I suggest reading them in the order listed. These methods were discovered by the author of the second book, Dr. Edmund Jacobson, in the early 1930's or before. His work is highly regarded by clinical psychologists even today. The books below are probably not on the shelves of your community library, but if your library is a member of an inter-library exchange system (as are many libraries today), the books should be readily available. All three books are available on Amazon.com, usually for $2 to $4 USD. All three of these books are fairly old, but they're just as valid now as when they were originally written. The books are:

1. You Can Learn to Relax : A Practical Method for Quieting the Mind, by Samuel W. Gutwirth (D.D.S.) -- either the 1957 or the 1961 edition will be fine. Publisher: Wilshire. This is a short but very useful book, just over 100 pages.
2. You Must Relax: A Practical Method of Reducing the Strains of Modern Living by Edmund Jacobson (M.D.). Any version will do, 1934, 1942, 1946, 1957, or 1962. Publisher: Whittlesey House and/or McGraw-Hill. It covers everything described in Book #1, but in more detail. (Almost anything by the prolific author of book #2 will be useful to you, although some can be a little long.)
3. A Therapy for Anxiety Tension Reactions by Gerhard B. Haugen, Henry H. Dixon, and Herman A. Dickel. (All three are MD's). Any version will do, 1958, 1960, or 1963) (see especially pages 36-42 & page 59, which describe how to incorporate the technique into daily living -- this is extremely important for mastery of the technique.) This is a short book, just over 100 pages

The key to success with this method is to constantly incorporate it into your behavior and daily living. Always try to use the least amount of muscle tension, throughout your body, that is necessary to accomplish the tasks you are working on at the time (or in interactions with people).

I'll get off my soapbox now. Good luck with these techniques. It takes effort to master them, over many months. But if you do stick with it, and you master them, it will change your life -- in a HUGE way.
I'm pretty much sold on the books and techniques I described above.

Whizbang

[Pal]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

Yeah totally. Did Jon Mercer write that or the poster?

I don't think the poster is Jon Mercer but when people start making claims like:

Jon Mercer reckons he went through acute shyness/SA so understands better than any expert who is doing their job purely for the money and not really care about the problem.

I'm inclinded to think "b*llocks"